About Troy, written in I think January 2007. I kind of like it.



i feel your warmth and affection surrounding me like an opaque textured bulb
protected i drift serenely through lifes shifting currents

feeling held fast as an anchor under a ship


safe, peace, flame, passion you draw forth from me
even in doubt you entice me
i want to prove you wrong


even in doubt i understand you
the swift workings of your mind
those kinks and flaws are the same ones haunting me
my whole life like this
and you,

i dont even need to let you know and you already do
sweet clairvoyance

dreamily i shunt the woes of the quotidian
and thrust my hopes, ideas, passion toward your open arms
a trust so complete i feel it fused with my soul
alive, joyful but still [your] shelter
a new brand of risk

have i finally grown tired of
throwing myself toward burning
piles of embers with the sole hope
of becoming their catalyst?
just (i remind myself)
to feel useful even if a purpose is unclear
i am marking the earth with this black dust still warm from
the fruit of this self sacrifice

but here i am
no longer able to function so, drenched
in his soft protection, oil happy to cling to my skin
content to think of this as my purpose, what i was waiting for
to loosen the knots of pain in both our hearts and let
the churning fears back into the flames i left so suddenly

Wrote it sometime after getting back from rehab. It's about mom.


how DARE you?
i am only a lonely loca
not afraid to sell myself to
a promising idea
and you showed me that
i was wrong
you shoved and hated and scolded
and molded me, im your perfection
a little belief makes a big scar
scratched at midnight in my dream,
shaken and tossed like a burgundy doll.
and through all you admire
and coax and coo, and keep well away
from my contaminated fingers
i am on display, in your head,
behind glass, silently screeching,
as you sit, stare, and do not feel.