I did see the Pixies September 10, 2010! :-)
It was awesome!!
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deathcab4u
must write - Subscribe
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in times of serious crazies i tend to throw an entry down on my old friend, Aeonity. the sparse manic entries that i scribble i miss writing, i want to write must write I recently subjected myself to an ordeal of patience, compassion and enlightenment. "Be careful what you wish for," or some variation of the proverb. Enlightenment whooped my ass. Exhausted physically and mentally. Stability has been a day to day, hour to hour mystery. Anxiety can strike like those expensive military drones. A missile of fast breath, tight chest and confusion. I think anxiety is a respectable opponent. A dirty weapon, not to be underestimated. Those peddling fear know the power of anxiety. Fortunately, though, fear is hollow. Pushed back by the flame of a pure heart. Shattered by the piercing blow of sharp intellect. Softened by compassion. Defeated with patience. Outwitted by simplicity. Fear has no place in my life, cast aside with hope. Neither have substance, and I will not cling to either. |
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About a year ago, I had planned to see the Pixies in Washington, DC but was unable to get tickets. I actually did get tickets - front-row-center-seats, but Ticketmaster freaked out and lost them. I did see the Pixies September 10, 2010! :-) It was awesome!! |
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deathcab4u
Low Energy Jan 11th, 2010 1:58:42 pm - Subscribe
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Been up late for too many nights in a row and I feel pretty damn tired finally. I hate when things catch up to me. I run run run, push push push, try to get away with as much as I can. Pushing limits of my sanity, society and political correctness on a daily basis. It isn't that I am extremely active and busy, I just cannot get the rest I require even for my lazy lifestyle. Anyways, although much of my current physical status is due to lack of sleep I am also guilty of a few things I want to change. I need to eat healthier, stop smoking and exercise. Typical things most people want to do, things that I need to do. My body has changed in the last 2 years and it bothers me more than I let myself think. Step 1: Get proper rest. If I could get my sleep schedule straight I would actually have time for eating better and exercising. Those three things would help my life so much, physically and mentally. It would make the bi-polar more friendly too. |
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deathcab4u
while you sleep Jan 3rd, 2010 4:54:59 pm - Subscribe
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I have had a nauseating vortex of thoughts lately. I cant focus but I ponder over fleeting ideas for a few moments before the next idea or distraction. I guess I am coming to accept that bipolar is real. I am doing pretty great the last few months though. I have learned how to do this without medication pretty well. I decided that it is part of who I am and I don't want to take pills to change that. Writing my thoughts seems to be an effective way for me to cope. The things I wouldn't burden a friend with or don't care to discuss with people I know can be thrown off into the void of the netz. Sure some people I know might read it but it's on their own time and effort. I can be sure I am not being a downer to them. As soon as I can concentrate again I want to plan a day to take photographs somewhere. Not sure where yet but I need to take more pictures. I will be 23 years old in a month and a half. A sense of urgency to take more steps towards my goals is grabbing hold. |
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deathcab4u
Motivation Dec 28th, 2009 8:19:26 pm - Subscribe
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I feel motivated to pursue my goals now that I am less upset over the premature ending of what I thought was a nice relationship. I was her first boyfriend so I was silly to think we would make any real connection after all I've been through. But that motivation thing. I am having non stop day dreams about photography, my media company I am working on and it excites me. I need to go go go and realize some of these dreams once all the holiday madness dissipates. Normally I am not hostage to the festivities but my life has become so social as of late that I am low on energy and time for myself. Time to regroup and re-focus on what I love. |
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deathcab4u
Don't Sleep Dec 23rd, 2009 6:36:26 am - Subscribe
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..and everything felt good until I fell asleep. There in my dreams I was vulnerable and haunted by the painful memories of bad things that never happened.. ...another piece of my heart handed away. The hole left behind to be filled by her love. Instead darkness sinks in, cold tendrils of despair tighten. For it isn't her that the boy desires now...it is a longing to love and to be loved... |
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deathcab4u
fail... Dec 21st, 2009 8:33:09 pm - Subscribe
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Fooled again. Never been led on this bad. I knew better but I fell for her anyways. The saddest part? I will let it happen again and again and again with each girl I fall for. Where are the girls that are meant for guys like me? ...or is that just a dream I will chase to my grave... |
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deathcab4u
Merry X-Mas Dec 18th, 2009 4:02:49 pm - Subscribe
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Well it's that time of year again. Friday nights are pretty low key around the apartment. For me it's the end of a long 6 day work week. I would say I look forward to enjoying my day off (saturdays) but it's always the busiest day of the week. Getting a new bed delivered, need to do some shopping to support the economy, er...christmas. OH....and I am going to meet my girlfriends parents. This has never phased me in all my life....until now. Usually I get away with meeting a girls parents the first few times in passing...a few brief chats when i pick a girl up for a date. This event is some sort of making cookies and hanging out for the day shit and its a bit of a thing because her sister is in town for the holiday. WHO WILL BE MY GET AWAY DRIVER?! No good excuses lined up for leaving if I get awkward. I guess it's because i have been feeling pretty 'emo' the past few days and not interested in chatting up parents. WISH ME LUCK. I'm sure my charm will kick in. It always does. |
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My analyst told me that I was right out of my head The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live I didn't listen to his jive I knew all along he was all wrong And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not Oh no! My analyst told me that I was right out of my head He said I'd need treatment but I'm not that easily led He said I was the type that was most inclined When out of his sight to be out of my mind And he thought I was nuts, no more ifs or ands or buts Oh no! They say as a child I appeared a little bit wild With all my crazy ideas But I knew what was happenin', I knew I was a genius What's so strange when you know that you're a wizard at three? I knew that this was meant to be Well I heard little children were supposed to sleep tight That's why I drank a fifth of vodka one night My parents got frantic, didn't know what to do But I saw some crazy scenes before I came to Now do you think I was crazy? I may have been only three but I was swingin' They all laughed at angry young men They all laughed at Edison and also at Einstein So why should I feel sorry if they just couldn't understand The litany and the logic that went on in my head? I had a brain, it was insane Oh they used to laugh at me When I refused to ride on all those double decker buses All because there was no driver on the top My analyst told me that I was right out of my head The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live I didn't listen to his jive I knew all along he was all wrong And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not Oh no! My analyst told me that I was right out of my head But I said "Dear doctor, I think that it's you instead 'Cause I have got a thing that's unique and new It proves that I'll have the last laugh on you 'Cause instead of one head... I got two And you know two heads are better than one" |
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deathcab4u
Hello, Link on my Favorites Bar Nov 9th, 2009 2:46:32 pm - Subscribe
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For sake of simplicity I use Safari. It has a nice little favorites bar. This Blog is on that bar. It's crazy how I can see something everyday and not really notice it or give real thought to it. Today was weird for me. I convinced myself of something silly. But I held to my decision about silly thoughts like that, which is not to get carried away by them. Go figure that I was right and that i was thinkin crazy thoughts. Closer and closer to handling my feelings I am. Soon my roommate will be home. Hello Duvel Golden Ale and dicking around on my iPhone. Well, Open Office should be downloaded by now (Was super slow to getting it on this comp). Going to update the good ol resume and get busy. Money is the only thing I like more than women or myself...and the best thing in the world is all of those things together at the same time! |
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Nov 30, 2009!!! I'm going to see the Pixies in Washington, D. C. I have already planned out the air/hotel :-D I just have to buy the tickets Sept 11!! |
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"You will be successful through innovation and determination." That was my fortune for today. I have been innovative in making money (back) today. I should receive a refund of about 140 dollars in the next seven days. 
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Much time has passed, and many things have happened since I last wrote in my blog. I have a different position where I work. I think I'll like it so much better than my other. My old boss was..well...I had to get away from her. She's not "boss" material and was just given the job. They're regretting it now! haha |
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Last Monday I had two biopsies performed - one on my face and one on my back. The results came back today when I had the one, cute, little stitch removed from my face  The face biopsy was normal. The back biopsy was in the medium range for abnormalities. They did another *small* surgery today on my back. Now I have a sideways eye-shaped, stitched-up cut on my back. Argh!! I have to deal with stitches again now :-/ I will get my results back next week and have my stitches removed in two weeks. I'm not worried, it's just a bit of a nuissance because it's in the upper middle of my back where I cannot reach without much trouble. I may have to recruit someone to change my bandage for me. haha My back is itching...an unscratchable itch lol |
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deathcab4u
Goals Sep 16th, 2008 11:29:01 pm - Subscribe
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Currently: Quitting Jimmy Johns and beginning at Dominos starting monday. Offer to be assistant manager at Halloween Express with Lauren. As far as money goes making more would be nice but in the long run I think time to devote to personal development, school and volunteering will be more important than paying off all my bills a little faster. Plan A: Within a week of today have requested professional letters of recommendation from 5 people and ask that they have them to me within 2 weeks of request. Within 1 week of receiving the letters have applied to three Wilderness Therapy Schools on the list provided by a friend. Also contact family in Oregon and Utah to explain plans and request hospitality if I am selected and accept a job offer. Also, within a week find information for CPR and First Aid Certifications and get that done within 3 weeks if possible. If invited to go to a training session and hired I will move be moving out of state and must complete obvious preparations for making such a move. Plan B: If not selected for a field instructor position at this time request feedback about what to do to to be hirable for that type of work. Take Action on feedback. In addition volunteer with High School Youth Group and/or Boy Scouts. In January Take EMT courses. In the summer work at a youth summer camp to gain more experience in that area. Re-apply to Wilderness Therapy Schools in the end of the summer. Also currently I must talk to my father about money for current tuition and maybe some money to help with my vehicle registration. Must also cut back discretionary spending. |
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deathcab4u
Rainy Day Sep 4th, 2008 1:46:29 am - Subscribe
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Sometimes I feel like I am a character in a movie. Except... In movies even the guy I play ends up with some sort of resolution. I don't want to be at the end of my story in any sense, but it sure feels like I experience a lot of conflict for so little reward or consolation. On the bright side, Poison Oak Media is kicking off. An idea I had a year ago is finally coming to realization with the help of my best friend. Our combined skills is what the company needed to become something real. I am really excited and am planning on putting a lot of effort into this renewed initiative. I had to call in sick due to anxiety attack again so I figured I'd make good use of my day. I feel like we did well, I got a lot done and am a step closer to doing something I love to survive. |
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deathcab4u
Boop Beep Boop Sep 2nd, 2008 11:18:57 pm - Subscribe
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Re-activated my emusic account and got 75 free downloads. I got to pick up some music ive wanted to for awhile now and some new stuff too. I doownloaded music from: Vampire Weekend The Gaslight Anthem Damien Jurado Dr Manhattan Blue Mountain Frightened Rabbit I am a really big fan of Alt Country, stuff like Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Son Volt, Wilco and stuff that has a little twang ya know what I mean? I really enjoy that bluegrassy touch to country. |
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deathcab4u
FAT TIRE Sep 1st, 2008 12:56:54 am - Subscribe
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Another lovely Sunday. I have one day off from work each week and I try to make it the BEST day of the week. Today I went to church and then met with my bro's for bible study. Then we went to the Guitar Center and one of my friends bought a Synth for their band. After that 3 of us went to a little pub in town and had a pint of Fat Tire and some sandwiches, it was fantastic! Always good to have a pint before 20s group bible study. And then another one after bible study? Yes please! SO yeah, after 20s group 8 of us went to a different bar for a pint f Hacker Pshorr and it was a great time. MORAL of the STORY: 2 Pints of Beer, 2 Bible Studies, Church and the best friends you could ask for make up an amazing sunday. I recommend it to anyone who loves the lord and cold beer as much as me! K, well I think I work tomorrow so I'm going to get some sleep and pray to god that I do his will and work wherever he places me. And I might plead like a child for it to be somewhere else sooon lulz. I know that His work needs to be done everywhere in the world, and that this might even be the place I make the connection to my next step of life, that or its just building characer /sigh. |
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deathcab4u
HOLY SMOKES Aug 21st, 2008 2:14:40 am - Subscribe
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WOW WOW WOW I remembered this blog today and GO FIGURE, it still exists. My GUTS SPLATTERED all over a page on the internet! Well I'll be damned, I can't resist the urge to post and to read about myself because i don't know who I am anymore =*( Funny the things we do when we are stressed and tired. Lost and confused. I'd write in a journal but its in the car and I def prefer typing. Also, the feeling that this may be read is comforting in a weird way. YEAH OK. Anyways, 2am and I am guess I should hit the sack and try to keep my cool. ALL I WANT TO DO IS LET OUT A LITTLE STEAM AND RELEASE SOME TENSION! k thx ttyl EDIT: Ok I read some entries from when I was with B. If I learned anything its that spending so much time with a person and obsessing over them is recipe for disaster. YIKES. lol. I will not let that happen again. Personal time > Needy Relationships. |
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Sheldon Construction has been installing the sewer in my neighborhood. I'm sure they do an excellent job, but they leave destruction in their wake. Over the span of two weeks, this is what occured: 1. Early one morning Sheldon Const. cut my cable line in two. (The cable company later tried to charge me two service fees because they didn't make good notes on the problem) 2. A few days later, Sheldon Const. hit a water line. When I came home, I had air/mud in my lines for several hours. I probably have some leaks now although I'm not yet aware. 3. A few days after that, Sheldon Const. knocked out the power to eight homes in my area. 4. Two days later nature (NOT Sheldon Const) happened upon my house. I was on my bed when I saw lightning strike my house seven feet away at my window. My phone/internet was knocked out for 2 1/2 days. 5. Five days after the lightning strike, Sheldon visited me again. I came home Thursday night to find my cable line had been ripped off my house! haha Cable came out on the 4th of July and fixed it. I only have one untouched utility: GAS Let's hope nothing happens there...we would not want that
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