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velouria Double Standards and Step Daughters - Subscribe
1. Husband gets upset with me if I talk to him while watching TV. A few minutes later, if his adult daughter comes and talks to him, he carries on a conversation with her and stops watching TV.
2. Husband ignores his adult daughter's sneakers that have been on top of the vent on the kitchen floor for weeks. He gets upset if I mention that they need to be put up. A few months later, I leave something in the living room overnight. He asks me to put it up the next day because he does not like stuff laying around. A few weeks later, I mention that his adult daughter's slippers have been under the glass coffee table for weeks. His response is, "yeah. I just don't know what she's going through now."
3. Husband asks me to vacuum, unload the dishwasher, do our towels or other chores. He does not expect his adult daughter to do any chores.
4. Husband does the majority of chores. I say his daughter and I need to pitch in and do more around the house. I offer the idea of a chore board to hold us all accountable. He will not do it because of his adult daughter.
5. Husband does not like clutter on the kitchen table. He says nothing about all his daughter's clutter on the table. Eventually, he will put it away for her. He gets upset if I leave anything on the kitchen table.
6. Hubby's daughter really only cleans her room and washes her own clothes more than 50% of the time. He cleans her bathroom, collects her dirty towels and washcloths from her bathroom, washes, dries, folds and puts them away. He cleans up after her in the kitchen. She takes of advantage of him, and he enables her. He keeps saying he is trying to show her how to take care of her self. That is done during childhood. She already knows but chooses not to do it. She leaves several loads of her towels - last week, there were 4 loads of her towels - She left them there for him to fold. Finally he folded them. He gets mad at me for being mad that he is doing her laundry.

My husband's daughter never communicates with me. These examples are from a very high percentage of the times she has communicated with me. Communication is rarely friendly. I am either the butt of a joke or just receive a non-friendly response.
1. Husband and his daughter do not use flatware to portion out wet cat food. They use plastic spoons and throw them away. I used an iced teaspoon to portion out some food for my old cat. I left the spoon in the half full container to give her more in a bit. The daughter came home and saw it and said "so is that the cat food spoon now?" She knew it was not my husband. He would not have any reason to do it. He never gives her two cats wet food, or my cat for the matter.
2. I purchased a new candle and was really excited to use it. Husband and his daughter come home at the same time, and she comments as soon as she walks in "What is that smell" in a dissatisfied tone. She knew it was me with a candle or something. He asked me to extinguish the candle because it was strong.
3. A year later, I have a cinnamon candle that I am burning. I know she will be home soon and fully expect her to say "What is that smell" as she walks in. That is exactly what happened. He again asks me to extinguish the candle. If there is a new scent in the house, she knows it must be mine.
4. My husband and I are newly married (3 months) and it's his daughter's birthday. I ask if we are going to sing Happy Birthday. She immediately and forcefully says in a baby voice "No!" I am completely shocked at it, but it does not phase my husband at all.
5. Many times I have tried to communicate with his daughter, and I only get 1 word answers. If it is a "no," she has often done it with the same rude forceful baby voice, "No!"
6. We find out my husband's son is having another child. I say to him kidding, "What if she has twins!? haha" His daughter immediately responds from her bedroom , "Go do your room!" I was shocked she would say that.
7. She often acts like she has to take up for her dad like I am being mean to him. We were talking about sports teams (I am not into sports) and I was saying I'd always support my state's team (TN). He is from Kentucky and supports them. His daughter is from TN but supports KY. He was kidding around and said something about TN being beat by someone. I called him a butthead or something silly and said I hope KY loses. She responds that she really hopes TN gets creamed.
8. Hubby makes dinner. I don't say I love it because I'm not going to lie. She makes over how it's the best thing ever. I look like the bad guy.
9. We visited hubby's brother and sister in law (wonderful people!). At a restaurant, I order a burger with a certain cheese that is liquid. I didn't realize it was cheese and thought it was mayo. She snidely, yet innocently remarked "you didn't know that when you ordered it?" No one realized she was being rude because they don't know about our relationship. Once again, one of the few times she communicates is when I look stupid in the situation.

Things I think I have improved on
1. When my husband gets offended at something I say and over-reacts and acts like he can't do anything right or that I don't value him or that he has nothing important to say or that he has no knowledge/wisdom to share: I have started telling him I am not going to engage in that behavior. He can have a pity party and 'Woe is me" session without me. (i know there is a better way to do this)

Mood: sensitive

deathcab4u Satellite Repairs Oct 9th, 2014 11:16:23 pm - Subscribe
It wasn't a long ride from Clayton's home to the depot, but it wasn't exactly a short one either. The sun would be above the horizon by the time he was getting off the tram at his destination. The trams are relatively comfortable. They hard metal seats are at least contoured in a way that seems encourage healthy posture.

This far out from the city center there are only a few passengers remaining on board for the last half of the journey. Young looking, but of course almost everyone looks young. Most dressed like farmers and a few students. One man dressed and assuming the appearance of a merchant.

He is the only one that seems impatient to get to where we are going, the rest of them content to watch out the window and occasionally make eye contact and smile with each other. Except for the business man, he darts away his gaze if eye should accidentally meet.

Now there were only a handful of green dots on the minimap. It was Clayton, the business man, an old woman and a student on the train with just the tram engineer and conductor on board. In his periphery armor suit he attracted more than a few glances and stares throughout the journey but the three other passengers in the car seemed used to his presence by now. It isn't often people see a ranger on public transportation. Especially one with the amount of equipment and armaments as Clayton was carrying.

Surely he was being talked about now as the departed passengers reached their laboratories and offices, markets, and fields. What was a fully equipped ranger doing out his way? The threats were in the jungles to the west and south. They came down from the mountains to the north. But there was nothing to the east. It is a desert that no one has ever come back from.

As the tram came to a halt and the doors opened the old woman smiled a goodbye at Clayton and he bowed back reverently. The business man gathered his things and was off in a huff, never looking back. The student was absorbed in a video call with an attractive girl which brought back Clayton's memories from the night before.

"Was it real? Was she real? Was it all just the dream? Too many questions," he told himself. Of course she was real and he had indeed met her but he had never fallen in love before and nobody had warned him what it would feel like.

"Damnit, I really need to focus," he mutters to himself as he walks the remainder of the way to the depot. "This is not the day to be distracted."

This is the first time those five satellites will go online. Patrol units made two trips in the last week to clear the way. Only two encounters with predators on the first patrol and none the second.

He will have to stay calm and alert, keeping patient as he divides his attention between two tasks. If he loses himself completely in his work he will end up somebody's lunch.

He enters a sequence of numbers onto a pad next to a set of blast doors. They open up and he slips into a dimly lit hallway disappearing from sight.

Mood: ill have to change this box
Music: my dad's tv set

deathcab4u Waking up Oct 8th, 2014 10:16:39 am - Subscribe
Waking up is usually mundane. In the city it might be accompanied by the sounds of trams and cars in the intersections.

Out in the country the rooster calls out at first light, he is followed by the crescendo of bird song.

Either way, all but the very unfortunate few will wake up where they went to sleep. Seamlessly arising to meet a new day where it left off the night before.

On this particular day Clayton Wade woke up like he did most days. Ten minutes before his alarm went off he was up and getting ready. Having no particular reason to think today was different than any other, his thoughts were simple and pleasant. With the face of a woman he met last night filling his mental vision he shaved and got dressed robotically. His imagination engrossed in a little fantasy he continued from the dream just before he came to.

Boop-Beep-Boop! Boop-Beep-Boop! "Wake-up-bro," says the alarm. He waved his hand quickly but smoothly over something on a hook and the chime ceased to alert.

"Where was I?" he asked himself out loud. The device on the hook chimed in, "Good morning Clayton, you have five satellites today. I -"

He waves his hand over it again, silencing it. He put it on and finished getting dressed. With his fantasy broken by the interrupting watch there was nothing left to do but gather his focus for a long day.

Most field engineers would never have five satellites in one day but Clayton is one of the most exceptional of his time. However often he fails to see that about himself it is true none the less. Todays route has him going the furthest out anyone has ever gone from the city. It is a dangerous endeavor.

Once outside the city walls there are things of all shapes and sizes that want to eat humans. The threat is constant, however the most travelled routes are fairly safe. "Patrolman with weapons have done well to keep the city safe," he thinks to himself, "but there have been not patrols to where I'm going."

He is going to have to be vigilant today. He fastens on a full periphery suit. It's even better than eyes in the back of your head. This technology enhances the senses to superhuman levels. With it he can hear like a bat, see like an eagle, and feel electromagnetic fields of living organisms. It's armor as well, protecting from piercing and slashing as well. However, it can't protect him from being crushed, picked up, thrown, flown or pulled apart. "So I'll bring backup batteries for my plasma rifle."

He is beginning to look more like a cool astronaut than a ranger as he latches his spare ammo batts onto his waist belt. Rifle slung over one shoulder and a tool bag full of interesting objects hanging low on the hip. A sleek helmet completed the equipment.

The visor on the helmet came to life. After a few moments a heads up display came over the visor like it was a computer screen. His map and other vital information displayed around the edges of the screen. The computer constantly analysing the world around through cameras, satellites and the periphery suit. Life forms start dotting up all over on the map, the friendly green dots aren't the ones he need worry about.

Mood: disgusted

deathcab4u must write Apr 2nd, 2011 4:15:43 pm - Subscribe
in times of serious crazies i tend to throw an entry down on my old friend, Aeonity.

the sparse manic entries that i scribble

i miss writing, i want to write

must write

I recently subjected myself to an ordeal of patience, compassion and enlightenment.

"Be careful what you wish for," or some variation of the proverb.

Enlightenment whooped my ass. Exhausted physically and mentally. Stability has been a day to day, hour to hour mystery.

Anxiety can strike like those expensive military drones. A missile of fast breath, tight chest and confusion.

I think anxiety is a respectable opponent. A dirty weapon, not to be underestimated.

Those peddling fear know the power of anxiety.

Fortunately, though, fear is hollow.

Pushed back by the flame of a pure heart. Shattered by the piercing blow of sharp intellect. Softened by compassion. Defeated with patience. Outwitted by simplicity.

Fear has no place in my life, cast aside with hope. Neither have substance, and I will not cling to either.
Mood: anxious
Music: The Cure

velouria Pixies Update Sep 20th, 2010 10:23:03 am - Subscribe
About a year ago, I had planned to see the Pixies in Washington, DC but was unable to get tickets. I actually did get tickets - front-row-center-seats, but Ticketmaster freaked out and lost them.

I did see the Pixies September 10, 2010! :-)
It was awesome!!
Mood: enraptured
Music: Pixies

deathcab4u Low Energy Jan 11th, 2010 1:58:42 pm - Subscribe
Been up late for too many nights in a row and I feel pretty damn tired finally. I hate when things catch up to me. I run run run, push push push, try to get away with as much as I can.

Pushing limits of my sanity, society and political correctness on a daily basis.

It isn't that I am extremely active and busy, I just cannot get the rest I require even for my lazy lifestyle.

Anyways, although much of my current physical status is due to lack of sleep I am also guilty of a few things I want to change. I need to eat healthier, stop smoking and exercise.

Typical things most people want to do, things that I need to do. My body has changed in the last 2 years and it bothers me more than I let myself think.

Step 1: Get proper rest. If I could get my sleep schedule straight I would actually have time for eating better and exercising.

Those three things would help my life so much, physically and mentally. It would make the bi-polar more friendly too.
Mood: out of shape, tired, hopeful
Music: Kill Hannah

deathcab4u while you sleep Jan 3rd, 2010 4:54:59 pm - Subscribe
I have had a nauseating vortex of thoughts lately. I cant focus but I ponder over fleeting ideas for a few moments before the next idea or distraction.

I guess I am coming to accept that bipolar is real. I am doing pretty great the last few months though. I have learned how to do this without medication pretty well.

I decided that it is part of who I am and I don't want to take pills to change that.

Writing my thoughts seems to be an effective way for me to cope. The things I wouldn't burden a friend with or don't care to discuss with people I know can be thrown off into the void of the netz. Sure some people I know might read it but it's on their own time and effort. I can be sure I am not being a downer to them.

As soon as I can concentrate again I want to plan a day to take photographs somewhere. Not sure where yet but I need to take more pictures.

I will be 23 years old in a month and a half. A sense of urgency to take more steps towards my goals is grabbing hold.
Mood: dizzy
Music: Something Corporate(a guilty pleasure of mine)

deathcab4u Motivation Dec 28th, 2009 8:19:26 pm - Subscribe
I feel motivated to pursue my goals now that I am less upset over the premature ending of what I thought was a nice relationship. I was her first boyfriend so I was silly to think we would make any real connection after all I've been through.

But that motivation thing. I am having non stop day dreams about photography, my media company I am working on and it excites me.

I need to go go go and realize some of these dreams once all the holiday madness dissipates.

Normally I am not hostage to the festivities but my life has become so social as of late that I am low on energy and time for myself.

Time to regroup and re-focus on what I love.
Mood: motivated but no gas in the tank
Music: Kill Hanna - Radio

deathcab4u Don't Sleep Dec 23rd, 2009 6:36:26 am - Subscribe
..and everything felt good until I fell asleep. There in my dreams I was vulnerable and haunted by the painful memories of bad things that never happened..

...another piece of my heart handed away. The hole left behind to be filled by her love. Instead darkness sinks in, cold tendrils of despair tighten. For it isn't her that the boy desires is a longing to love and to be loved...
Mood: sad
Music: video games in the other room

deathcab4u fail... Dec 21st, 2009 8:33:09 pm - Subscribe
Fooled again.

Never been led on this bad.

I knew better but I fell for her anyways.

The saddest part?

I will let it happen again and again and again with each girl I fall for.

Where are the girls that are meant for guys like me?

...or is that just a dream I will chase to my grave...
Mood: ugh...
Music: Jimmy Eat World - Clarity

deathcab4u Merry X-Mas Dec 18th, 2009 4:02:49 pm - Subscribe
Well it's that time of year again.

Friday nights are pretty low key around the apartment. For me it's the end of a long 6 day work week. I would say I look forward to enjoying my day off (saturdays) but it's always the busiest day of the week.

Getting a new bed delivered, need to do some shopping to support the economy,

OH....and I am going to meet my girlfriends parents. This has never phased me in all my life....until now. Usually I get away with meeting a girls parents the first few times in passing...a few brief chats when i pick a girl up for a date.

This event is some sort of making cookies and hanging out for the day shit and its a bit of a thing because her sister is in town for the holiday.


No good excuses lined up for leaving if I get awkward. I guess it's because i have been feeling pretty 'emo' the past few days and not interested in chatting up parents.

WISH ME LUCK. I'm sure my charm will kick in. It always does.
Mood: discombobulated
Music: Head Automatica

velouria Twisted Nov 23rd, 2009 3:15:23 pm - Subscribe
My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live
I didn't listen to his jive
I knew all along he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not
Oh no!

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
He said I'd need treatment but I'm not that easily led
He said I was the type that was most inclined
When out of his sight to be out of my mind
And he thought I was nuts, no more ifs or ands or buts
Oh no!

They say as a child I appeared a little bit wild
With all my crazy ideas
But I knew what was happenin', I knew I was a genius
What's so strange when you know that you're a wizard at three?
I knew that this was meant to be

Well I heard little children were supposed to sleep tight
That's why I drank a fifth of vodka one night
My parents got frantic, didn't know what to do
But I saw some crazy scenes before I came to
Now do you think I was crazy?
I may have been only three but I was swingin'

They all laughed at angry young men
They all laughed at Edison and also at Einstein
So why should I feel sorry if they just couldn't understand
The litany and the logic that went on in my head?
I had a brain, it was insane
Oh they used to laugh at me
When I refused to ride on all those double decker buses
All because there was no driver on the top

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live
I didn't listen to his jive
I knew all along he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I'm not
Oh no!

My analyst told me that I was right out of my head
But I said "Dear doctor, I think that it's you instead
'Cause I have got a thing that's unique and new
It proves that I'll have the last laugh on you
'Cause instead of one head... I got two
And you know two heads are better than one"
Mood: twisted

deathcab4u Hello, Link on my Favorites Bar Nov 9th, 2009 2:46:32 pm - Subscribe
For sake of simplicity I use Safari.

It has a nice little favorites bar.

This Blog is on that bar.

It's crazy how I can see something everyday and not really notice it or give real thought to it.

Today was weird for me. I convinced myself of something silly. But I held to my decision about silly thoughts like that, which is not to get carried away by them.

Go figure that I was right and that i was thinkin crazy thoughts. Closer and closer to handling my feelings I am.

Soon my roommate will be home. Hello Duvel Golden Ale and dicking around on my iPhone.

Well, Open Office should be downloaded by now (Was super slow to getting it on this comp). Going to update the good ol resume and get busy.

Money is the only thing I like more than women or myself...and the best thing in the world is all of those things together at the same time!
Mood: pleased with myself
Music: The Avett Brothers-I and Love and You

velouria Pixies! Aug 20th, 2009 6:58:33 pm - Subscribe
Nov 30, 2009!!! I'm going to see the Pixies in Washington, D. C.
I have already planned out the air/hotel :-D
I just have to buy the tickets Sept 11!!
Mood: Excited
Music: The Pixes

velouria Fortune Jun 12th, 2009 6:45:20 am - Subscribe
"You will be successful through innovation and determination."
That was my fortune for today.

I have been innovative in making money (back) today. I should receive a refund of about 140 dollars in the next seven days. happy.gif
Mood: hmmm okay

velouria Been A While Apr 22nd, 2009 10:59:41 am - Subscribe
Much time has passed, and many things have happened since I last wrote in my blog.
I have a different position where I work. I think I'll like it so much better than my other. My old boss was..well...I had to get away from her. She's not "boss" material and was just given the job. They're regretting it now! haha

velouria Itchy Stitchy! ::scratchy scratch scratch:: Sep 22nd, 2008 4:23:13 pm - Subscribe
Last Monday I had two biopsies performed - one on my face and one on my back. The results came back today when I had the one, cute, little stitch removed from my face grin.gif

The face biopsy was normal.
The back biopsy was in the medium range for abnormalities. They did another *small* surgery today on my back. Now I have a sideways eye-shaped, stitched-up cut on my back. Argh!! I have to deal with stitches again now :-/

I will get my results back next week and have my stitches removed in two weeks.

I'm not worried, it's just a bit of a nuissance because it's in the upper middle of my back where I cannot reach without much trouble. I may have to recruit someone to change my bandage for me. haha

My back is unscratchable itch lol
Mood: itchy

deathcab4u Goals Sep 16th, 2008 11:29:01 pm - Subscribe

Quitting Jimmy Johns and beginning at Dominos starting monday. Offer to be assistant manager at Halloween Express with Lauren.

As far as money goes making more would be nice but in the long run I think time to devote to personal development, school and volunteering will be more important than paying off all my bills a little faster.

Plan A:
Within a week of today have requested professional letters of recommendation from 5 people and ask that they have them to me within 2 weeks of request. Within 1 week of receiving the letters have applied to three Wilderness Therapy Schools on the list provided by a friend. Also contact family in Oregon and Utah to explain plans and request hospitality if I am selected and accept a job offer.

Also, within a week find information for CPR and First Aid Certifications and get that done within 3 weeks if possible.

If invited to go to a training session and hired I will move be moving out of state and must complete obvious preparations for making such a move.

Plan B:
If not selected for a field instructor position at this time request feedback about what to do to to be hirable for that type of work. Take Action on feedback.

In addition volunteer with High School Youth Group and/or Boy Scouts. In January Take EMT courses. In the summer work at a youth summer camp to gain more experience in that area. Re-apply to Wilderness Therapy Schools in the end of the summer.

Also currently I must talk to my father about money for current tuition and maybe some money to help with my vehicle registration. Must also cut back discretionary spending.
Mood: sick and tired...make my cold go away!
Music: The Avett Brothers

deathcab4u Rainy Day Sep 4th, 2008 1:46:29 am - Subscribe
Sometimes I feel like I am a character in a movie.


In movies even the guy I play ends up with some sort of resolution.

I don't want to be at the end of my story in any sense, but it sure feels like I experience a lot of conflict for so little reward or consolation.

On the bright side, Poison Oak Media is kicking off. An idea I had a year ago is finally coming to realization with the help of my best friend. Our combined skills is what the company needed to become something real.

I am really excited and am planning on putting a lot of effort into this renewed initiative.

I had to call in sick due to anxiety attack again so I figured I'd make good use of my day. I feel like we did well, I got a lot done and am a step closer to doing something I love to survive.

Mood: angsty
Music: Blue Mountain - Rainy Day

deathcab4u Boop Beep Boop Sep 2nd, 2008 11:18:57 pm - Subscribe
Re-activated my emusic account and got 75 free downloads. I got to pick up some music ive wanted to for awhile now and some new stuff too.

I doownloaded music from:

Vampire Weekend
The Gaslight Anthem
Damien Jurado
Dr Manhattan
Blue Mountain
Frightened Rabbit

I am a really big fan of Alt Country, stuff like Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Son Volt, Wilco and stuff that has a little twang ya know what I mean?

I really enjoy that bluegrassy touch to country.
Mood: funky