I
Heart
Gir

meh
Date: Apr 17th, 2006 10:37:50 am - Subscribe
Mood: broken


This weekend was just full of best-weekend-ever potential. It failed miserably. We didn't have school on Friday, so that was a plus. My friend Nicole had a bunch of people spend the night at her house on Friday. It was me and my sisiter and Tobie and Beth <3. We just sat around playing Resident Evil all night. It really was fun. Of course I couldn't just sit back and enjoy it because all I wanted to do was hang out with Beth, if only for a few minets, and all she wanted to do was play on the computer...and not let me withing five feet of the thing. So I sat there and watched Tobie kill Leon over and over in the most violent ways imaginable.

I guess it wasn't that big of a deal. I've just always been worried that she doens't really like me all that much. I'm pretty much thinking she's only dating me so she's not single. I'm always the one going out of my way to talk to her. I'm always the one grabbing her hand in the hallway. She hugs me sometimes but only as an after thought. Like, she'll start to walk away and then "Oh wait, I should give Bree a hug because that's what you do when your dating someone.

It's probablly just my own paranoia. I've been known do that kind of thing a lot.

And then there's my sister. The Idiot. I love her to death, I do. I have no reason to. I have no reason to trust her. I have no reason to even like her. But...ah. She's so fucking emotastic. Her boyfriend cheated on her and ever since then it's just been "My life is over. I have no reason to live. Shoot me now." And now she's talking about cutting herself. and all I can say to that is WHAT THE FUCK?! I can't seem to make her understand that that isn't any kind of way to solve problems. That it actually causes more problems than it helps. But what would I know, right? I've only been dealing with it for the past five years. How dare I think that I understand it half as well as she does.

This is my fault. She thinks it's going to help because she thinks it's helped me. Because I haven't been able to explain to her how hard it is to deal with. She's wreking her sanity because of me and there is nothing I can do about it.

I just...gah
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