puppy face

Jul 7th, 2008 10:56:54 pm - Subscribe

lovely things:: Interpol's Evil

You just can't refuse me anything. If you try I'll do the puppy face at ya. And you'll melt in your socksss.

I feel like some kind of a genius. I've finally figured out this whole putting up an image technique.

No call backs from my job.
Wasting away all day inside the house while the world outside steams away in this post heat wave heat. All I need are some undergarments; nobody can see my nakedness.
4th year registration still incomplete. Student loans not applied for. What classes to take?
Lots of food cooked up and consumed. I have become an eating machine of a woman.

Such is my summer so far. I have returned from my European adventure more tired than I have ever been in my life. No matter how much I sleep I am still as ragged and raw as I was on the other continent. It's the tired sickness. My bones ache, my head throbs, my stomach is in knots. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm emotionally drained but still find the time to invent new ways to make myself feel about my whole life situation.

Maybe if I stop being so fucking lazy..maybe then things will get better. I'll ride my bike. I'll make the effort to go out. Get some shifts if they'll take me back after the prolonged 'vacation'. Get my final university year under control. Maybe then I'll be a real girl?

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From Ukraine with love

May 18th, 2008 8:51:16 pm - Subscribe
Mood: swollen footed/itchy eyed/sleepy
lovely things:: Carpathians

I'm being spoiled mercilessly. When I left this country I was 10 years old. I have come back 10 years later and their mindset is that I have not grown up. I have food pushed at me constantly, coats wrapped around me, candy bought for me. Time has passed for me just as it has for all the dilapitated old buildings I used to live in. Time has passed for all these people that now shuffle slowly through their days. And yet I will forever remain a child to them here.

He keeps on comparing me to my younger self. I have been called "cold, dry, harsh, unkind." All because I do not go along with all the bullshit that he spews. Because I say something when he belittles people for no reason, shows how tactless he is towards their feelings, insults my family and makes endless racist and homophobic remarks.

I seem to have an 'attitude problem' that results in me expressing my views on decent human conduct.

Oh, but dear, he's your father. He is a difficult man and no one was surprised with how things turned out. No one ever blamed your mother. A man of a difficult temperament, but he's the only one you've got.

This ridiculous rule about blood being thicker than water. You instantly need to love someone upon knowing that you are of a relation to them.

This trip has become an agonizing test for me.

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#5 bus

Mar 25th, 2008 5:07:07 am - Subscribe
Mood: spent
lovely things:: seemingly perfect boys

I was on the bus, reading away at "The Edible Woman." This man dressed in biker attire kept on peering at me throughout the ride. I tried to ignore the mounting unease.
He gets off at a stop. A woman seated behind me leans over my shoulder and starts yelling at me. I have my headphones in and can't hear much of what she's saying. I just tense up, stay quiet and don't look at her. Have been attacked on buses before by the crazed ones and try to avoid it nowadays.
She leans over and starts yelling again. "I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY HE WAS LOOKING AT YOU. NO, I DIDN'T. IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF HERE. WASN'T A GOOD WAY HE WAS LOOKING AT YOU." I just smile and try to make myself even smaller in my seat.
She leaves the bus and I exchange "What the fuck?!" glances with a man across from me.
Somewhere out there is a crazy woman that watches over me.

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2:27AM

Mar 11th, 2008 8:28:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: queasy
lovely things:: pirated movies

Can't sleep... 6 hours of class tommorrow on an empty tank won't be fun. If only Western Med. was a little more exciting.

Watched "Jimmy and Judy." It left me feeling peculiar. All they wanted was to get drunk and run around naked for eternity... He is too sincere for an actor and the whole movie was just much too real. What an intensely violent love story.. I'm in love.

Quatsch.

Quatsch, this is sheer nonsense indeed. I need to sleeeeeeep. I have already been having difficulties distinguishing the origins of minor details and memories in the past months. Dream or did that conversation / sighting actually occur? Usually it's just too real and simple of a dream that somehow works its way into a memory of recent events.
Maybe it's stress over the dramatic reunion soon to occur. Maybe I could do without interferences to normal brain functions or receptor sites...Maybe I'm losing my mind a little.
Or maybe I just need to fucking sleep.

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*Pumpkin*

Dec 1st, 2007 7:58:18 am - Subscribe
Mood: beat
lovely things:: coloured drawing inks!!!

Just watched 'Pumpkin' with Christina Ricci (my favourite creepy gorgeous lady) and Hank Harris (who was astounding!). Ricci definetely doesn't do great acting but the movie still had a very sweet theme to it. It was heart-achy in all the right places and incredibly cute. By the end I was just thinking "Don't let Pumpkin die! I want a happy ending story." And it was: eerie eyed girl and her 'challenged' true love walk off into the sunset at the track.

Awww.

There were some especially rowdy high school kids in the bus shelter today. The automatic door wasn't working so they figured they'd show off in front of their dick shit stupid friends and pry the doors open with each passerby. I haven't wanted to kick someone in the shin that badly in a while as I did with that troll of a fat child. I don't know if it's the cold air that's getting to these people. I don't know if it's the -20 air currents that are slowly freezing and halting any possibility of intelligent activity.
I'm just sooo frustrated with everyone that I encounter. On the bus. On campus. In the mall. At work.
haej;lkdhj de ghjh

I need to stop thinking that I'm better than them.

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