Oct 29th, 2009 7:44:13 pm - Subscribe
Mood: brown
lovely things:: pumpkin painting

So being 21 isn't exactly panning out as I had hoped. Now as they say about rock bottom, nowhere left to go but up. I believe that might apply here. Or I'd like to believe that because if that's not true then.. well that just fucking sucks for me.

But sticking to the positive side of the street here...

Let's say I have the ambition to be the star behind all the stars. This week we shot a few scenes for the video segments, me assisting on set. It was a pretty fun time working with Keith, kind of a famous and super nice guy. No big deal, you guys recollect a little show called Degrassi?
Let's say I want to do big creative things and not get stuck in some job that demands I abandon all chances of enjoying my youthful years. Because I've got the rest of my life to become an adult, it only moves forward after all. There's no rush. I'd hate to regret not having done the things I wanted to. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of minimizing regrets so far.
So perhaps this whole 'heartbreak -> destructiveness -> returned bliss -> heartbreak -> destroying myself once more in style' sick little period of time can come to an end and blossom into something nice and pretty. I'm hopin' like a muthafucka for a little chrysalis like turnaround in recent events. I'm learning loads but still unsure of how to use all that properly in the real world with real people who are out to get you one way or another. Some tricky shit.
But the conclusion I've reached is that there's Hope of a way up and out of this. If I don't pass out from all this coughing that's happening first.
Comments: (1)

word games

Oct 20th, 2009 7:48:29 pm - Subscribe
Mood: blue
lovely things:: some straightforwardness + making up words

-Have you ever seen a witch before?
-Sure, around Halloween I see them all the time.
-No, I mean like a real witch.
-Well, no. I guess I haven't seen a real one.
-Have you seen a lion before?
-Yeah, I've seen them at the zoo. I think at the Calgary one maybe.
-No, I mean like a real lion. Like in Africa, where they're real. In some countries, lions just come in the house. You ever seen a real lion in your house?
-No...just at the zoo.
-Well, how about a snake. Sometimes a snake will be in my house and it's no big deal. Just a snake. You ever seen a real snake like that?
-No, I haven't seen one of those either.

I love this kid! We need to get more of them in. So polite and so delightfully foreign. This club needs to kick off a wee bit faster, so I can feel like I'm actually doing something productive with this personal side project. An hour just isn't enough.
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Sep 7th, 2009 7:35:29 am - Subscribe
Mood: longing
lovely things:: afternoon plans

How are things with you?

How is your health?

Do you get many visitors out at the farm?

None of these are heard at first try and I end up repeating them over and over, screaming them into the phone until my questions finally go through and I've lost interest in hearing the answers to them.
Fuck, is reception really all that bad or do you just not want to talk to me and this acts as an excuse to end it early? It's like trying to establish a phone connection with the land of the dead. Which I guess it is in a sense. Of the few replies I get, I hear of a family across the river that just dropped off one by one. Pop. Pop. Pop. Cancer or spontaneous death or something. Apparently there's much dying going on around this time at the village.
I got a new boy cousin yesterday. That was the positive note to these shitty calls.

Some fucking morning.
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tearin off wings

Aug 14th, 2009 7:19:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: haunted
lovely things:: sleemann i want you

The peaceful getaway is under siege!

Last night I dreamt of bugs covering the bedspread in a churning sheet of black. I swiped my arms out at it in the dark to try and clear the specks off of me to no avail. They're everywhere. They're on the clothes that I have to shake off twice before putting on. Once the inside, once the outside. Noone likes bugs in the crotch. Oh my! How unladylike. I've been vaccuming them up. Washing them down sink drains. Dropping them down the beerbottles of Warsteiner Premium Dunkel that occassionally find their ways into my hands in moments of awesome boredom. And still they persist.
To my utmost annoyance.
Logic would have it that you don't smash open the ceiling when you've got 8 people under one roof. Especially if you're well aware that an army of gross winged but incapable of flight crawlies will be unleashed like a plague upon them.

But at least with these little critters I am learning to tolerate bugs. At least these don't bite, just crawl half ass at you and then twitch around when you pick em up. I am by far superior to the other girl children in that I don't squeemishly run away from that room. I bravely face nights asleep amidst all that chaos. And I pride myself on that. 21 and I ain't afraid of no (not capable of flying thank goodness! but equipped with wings) ants. Fuck yes!

2 more sleeps and then a bus sleep and then I'll have a warm body to smother with affection once more. Can't wait.
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Pucker up

Aug 13th, 2009 8:46:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: serene
lovely things:: dr.pep in the hottub

Perched upon a mountaintop in a brightly painted house amidst other brightly painted houses. Like a colouring book resort.
Vacation it up some before hopping aboard a bus and making my way on back to home sweet home. Two weeks away. Two weeks too long. Text messages tinged with smut can only take you so far until the real thing is all you want. Technology only exasperates things after so long.

Back to my sucker love.
It's heavensent.

The best feeling is back on but with a hint of variness to it. Some caution this time.

555 miles away.

Soon m'dear.
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