outoforder's Blog

eating
Date: Dec 15th, 2005 4:24:09 am - Subscribe
Mood: spastic


i think i'm always going to have an eating disorder of some type. i don't know why, but i think i will always think i'm fat. blah i hate it so much. everytime i try on pants, it's really the pants thing, i feel like i gained a million pounds. that's okay though, because as long as i'm still running i 'll be okay.

i hate grades. i hate how people base how well you do in school on your grades. i'm just not a grades person. i'm not really all that smart as much as people think i am. i have to work hard, and that's hard for me because i get so damn distracted so easily. boyfriends distract me, boys distract me. basically, it's the boys. can't live with them and can't live without them.

yeah i got my grade for chem back and yeah i have to retake the stupid class and i can't stand the fact that i do, but i feel so stupid when it comes down to that i hate it so much. blah i can't help it. i can't help but feel so stupid compared to all the over-achievers at school. it really makes me rethink my major and if i'm really cut out to be a bio major. i mean, don't get me wrong i love it, but i dont' know if i can really hack it. i might not be smart enough. i cringe at that thought. but i can't help it. ugh sucky sucky.

i feel pretty gross and dirty right now, but if i shower now, i'm not going to run tomorrow and i think that might be a little more important. i am just soo lazy right now ijust want to collapse and sleep forever.


Comments: (0)

ReCaptcha:

Anonymous guest, why not register, or login now.