another day in the life of me
Date: Jan 28th, 2006 10:17:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: braindead
today was a rather long day. good though. sometimes i really feel alone, i think it's my period.
mel was telling me about how he talks about love alot in his section. and i'm not really surprised. i just can't believe how stupid i was when i totally fell for it, telling me what a mistake he made. so oblivious to all the things he did to push me away, and i still kept coming back. scary thing is, that sometimes i know that if he does it again, i might jsut come back agian. i pray not, but i have to be stronger than that.
midterms coming around the corner again, might be easier now that i'm only taking 3 classes. i feel kinda like a slacker for doing that, but i'm working all the time and stuff like that. blah, blah.
man i'm really hungry, working out makes you starving.
he's a good boyfriend and i need to give him the chance to show me. i'm going to sleep now don't really feel like writing
first time i'm not at home for chinese new year or my sister's birthday. sad. really sad. i'm starving
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huh.
Date: Jan 19th, 2006 12:10:38 pm - Subscribe
Mood: psycho
my phone broke
do i love my boyfriend?
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another day
Date: Jan 18th, 2006 9:24:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: unhealthy
today marks another uneventful day in my life. blah, i just want seomthing new to happen to me to make me excited about life. i need a boyfriend here. i'm tired of not having one here and it just sucks. or maybe i now know that i can possibly have one here so it makes me rethink having a long distance one in general. is it really worth the distance? that's whats been racking my brain lately.
i dont know. i say i love you, and i think i mean it. i know i mean it? i do. but there's just a part of me, well, there's always a part of me that always wants to test the other waters. that's just how i am and i can't change it. yes, unhealthy, is it because i'm not truly happy with who i'm with? or is it just cuz i'm just like that? i'm not really sure, but this new guy..wow. just wow. it woiuld just be so much fun. and it would take me away from the seriousness of my current one. i dont know. damn i'm so confused. i'm thinking about it way too much.
beside that, i've been getting way too annoyed lately. i don't think i've really been acting myself for some reason and i'm not quite sure what the reason for. i just can't stand people sometimes. self-centered, righteous people. they just need to stop thinking the world revolves around them because it doesn't. life doesn't fucking revolve around anything.
life is just...well...life. you live that shit, and if it's shitty, well hell, change it. cuz you only get that one chance and everything seems to change by just the blink of an eye. one move, one rash decision, one glance and the entire course of your life changes. isn't that crazy?? gosh, you know you think about it today and it just ceases to amaze you. but think about when you were a kid, and the decisions you made back them. you didn't even know who the hell you were, and yet that chould have changed who you are now.
i'm thinking into this way too much, but that's just crazy. too many courses down the road. too many "pick your own road" shits. why can't there just be someone there who'll tell you, oh hey don't choose him cuz he'll fuck you over. or hey don't do that cuz you'll be fucked over. i guess if there is a person there, there's no point in living rihgt? life is spontaneous or whatever. i don't know, i don't have a fucking point really i'm just rambling.
i just wish there were a lot of things i could have changed. there are some decisions that i wish i rethought. i wish i didn't choose this school. if i didn't, i wouldn't have been heart broken. the worst kind of ache is a fucking heartache, no matter what anyone tells you. seriously, i've fell over, had tooth aches, mosquito bites, burns and shit, but the one thing that never fucking goes away is a heart ache. it takes forever. and i'm really still not over it. don't trust love. it'll royally fuck you over.
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an update
Date: Jan 17th, 2006 10:50:33 am - Subscribe
Mood: hollow
so i'm really happy with him now. i don't know what it is, ireally think it was break, because i'm in love with him. he makes me happy, and that's what i deserve.
other than that, school's started again and i'm not too stoked about that. esp when i see HIM 3x a week bugging the shit out of me, i hate him i really do. its one of those hatesyou know you really don't mean because you know that if he begged you back for forgiveness, you'll take him back. because that's exactly what i did, and knowing my stupid self, i might do it again. even though he's ugly, he gained weight, he doesn't give a shit about me, he's an ass and so forth.
i miss my family. i hate being at school so far away because i never get to see them. as disgusting as that sounds, i do miss them and i wish school was closer to home. i should start a scrapbook or something to remember stuff.
why are people so infatuated with other people's lives? take the golden globes for instance. people buy magazines, waste money reading about other people's lives. people live vicariously through other people. random shit.
i hate running but i love it. i hate it because it hurts. i love it because i feel like all my fat is going byebye. i'm tired as hell.
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man
Date: Dec 24th, 2005 11:50:18 am - Subscribe
Mood: bittersweet
we're doing really well.
and i'm happy.
gee oh my.
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