Despair in a pretty package.
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Author: long_gone
Mood: desolate
How can I still love something
that has broken my heart so thouroghly
How come I am never enough
Why aren't my blood, sweat, time, tears,
smiles, laughs, hopes and fears
not enough for anyone
I gave up my heart
My passion
My personality
My peace
My family
My friends
My safety
My security
and my home
and jumped out on a tiny limb
praying you could catch me if I fell
your arms are strong enough
your shoulders broad enough
your heart big enough
your mind clear enough
and yet you dropped me again
how can I love you if I cannot trust you
how can you hear anyone talk
when your screaming so loud
will I ever be strong enough
to keep you from bringing me down
I should have listened to my heart
I new you were all the same
I new you would be just like him
but am I all to blame
for I may be the fool who fell for your lies
but in the end your going to lose your own game
Comments: 1
Spiraling down
Aug 14th, 2008 7:46:13 am - Subscribe
Author: long_gone
Mood: terrified
"...learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void."
I thought I was going to lose one of the most important people in my life not even a week ago. I am still scared everyday that I still could. It wasn't an accident it was a choice and one that could easily be made again that's what scares me so damn much! I found this quote a few days after the incident and I have to say that I agree. I couldn't just sit and bawl and worry I worked and cleaned and did everything I could to fill my head with the stupid comings and goings of my day to day life. The people in my life were great they did everything they could to help me and so much more. I will never forget them as long as I live. I will never forget how they were there for me. I love them all so much and I don't ever know how I could repay them.
Comments: 0
alright now...
Aug 9th, 2008 3:28:23 am - Subscribe
Author: phantasmic
Mood: demure
time to be honest with myself here, my rejected feeling isn't just from tonight's "later" but "no" that is all too familiar....i feel this way because of all the "let's hang out"s, the "i miss you"s, the "we should catch up"s, and all the other empty phrases that go unfinished. it's not always the thought that counts. intention isn't always good enough. i want things to be said, and done. not said and left alone. is that so much to ask? maybe it is. i try my hardest to do what i say i'm going to do. i guess i just wish people could do the same for me now and again.
yeah this is a lot of silly thought vomit, but maybe it'll allow me to get some sleep if i release this emotional buildup. ha. right. i always bottle it all up. but it never really explodes. more like a pop bottle, i'll fizz over and make a mess, but no real harm done. i need an outlet, something other than this blog. besides, i hardly use it anyway. no point really with no feedback. then again, maybe i don't need the feedback, i tend to sort it all out in my head after a while. would be nice to have someone to speed up the process though. oh well.
and oddly enough, the randomly associated mood is just my personality. the boy tells me often enough how i need to lighten up, have some fun.....but how can i when no one seems to want to have fun with me?
Comments: 0
Stranger things
Jul 2nd, 2008 4:50:17 am - Subscribe
Author: long_gone
Mood: comfortable
I have had an interesting day running into an old friend who I am now chatting with. I didn't realize I missed this friend so much, or rather the side of myself that person brings out in me. I really enjoy our conversations, though they tend to float a lot between several topics. It amuses me. I couldn't wait to get online and see if my friend was there. I think that is part of the reason I miss certain people so much and avoid others even more because they each bring out a different part of me and some of them I enjoy more than others. Some I have to play or change to make fit there standards and that really grates on my nervous system after a time. I feel as if I can kind of, let a certain, often smothered part of me breathe around this person and it feels good to stretch my lungs. Well that is all I will ramble for the moment. Until later. Bye
Comments: 0
Your so gay... and you don't even like boys!!!
Jun 14th, 2008 4:18:43 pm - Subscribe
Author: long_gone
Mood: Excited/Nervous
So what's new you ask... life! I have a job at Subway, yes I am a slave of the corporate machine. Oh well, it pays the bills and I love my boss. Boss = my friend Rachel who is hands down the coolest boss ever. I work random hours though usually I close, and I get to eat Subway which as far as fast food goes, doesn't suck to heinously. Tomorrow is my birthday, WOOT! I guess. I don't know if I'm half as excited as everyone else seems to be but it does make me feel loved that they care so much. Presently tally at the moment...one... one totally awesome one! I got a book from my friend/ neighbors boyfriend Joe. Ok, so those of you who don't get why that's awesome... firstly I love books... secondly I don't have to by it now... thirdly it's the fourth book to a series I have read the rest of by one of my favorite authors... and fourth...ly?... I TOTALLY WANTED IT BAD!!! I squealed like a girl when I saw it. Later today I am supposed to go see my family for birthday celebrations, which is sweet because I get to see my mom and my brother who I miss more than any... anywhere. And I also hope to get more nifty presents and get to do some fun stuff with my family. I hope... they have a tendency to be... hypocritical and judgmental... but when they get that way I hide in my little circle with my mom and bro and step dad and take solace in the fact that there are still open minded people out there somewhere. Well, I think this is already longer than I intended so I will stop rambling... oh, wait... here is a pic of my new tattoo right after it was finished... I love it!!!!
And here is a video for the song this entries named after... you should watch it, it's funny as hell!
Lol, love you guys!!! Bye!
Comments: 0
Send me right back from where i came
Apr 12th, 2008 10:32:40 am - Subscribe
Author: marlene
Mood: ...
: Spoon
So I've moved in with a friend from work, its going quite well. She keeps trying to set me up with men though, which is kinda weird.
Got my own xbox finally, some sweet games on it. I'm an addict of GH3 ...
My GT is Sensarity if anyone else is an xbox nerd like me, add it.
anyway, I cant sleep, been too busy rearranging my room, got it done for the most part, having trouble finding a good tv to invest in. Bought one second hand, but found out you cant get to the input without a remote (which it didnt come with) so I can't even use it for gaming.
Oh Well.
Lifes good none the less, I think
Comments: 1
tenderly kissed
Mar 29th, 2008 5:57:07 am - Subscribe
Author: marlene
Mood: meh
: grandaddy - miner at the dial-a-view
Ever have those days you feel so undesirable and uninteresting and have convinced yourself you are the most boring person on earth? Welcome to my every day life.
I think lately I've done well at convincing myself otherwise though. I have a girl thats interested in me, unfortunately we both suck at organizing schedules and being the man. My roommate said I was the coolest girl he has ever met with the best sense of humor (blush) and I got a review at work worthy of a twenty cent raise and praise from the boss. Life was going great, till my roommates started asking stuff from me I don't know I can give.
I need to talk to my mom.
The best part of my day though was this;
I thought it only appropriate to have a travel mug that best describes me in some way, since I work at a coffee shop.
I'm way too excited about it.
Kinda pathetic? Maybe not ...atleast before I took a picture of it ...and posted it ...
-marlene
Comments: 1
its easy
Mar 28th, 2008 6:06:00 am - Subscribe
Author: marlene
Mood: irked
: grandaddy - revolution cover
i'm so tired of myself, my sad, over emotional emo self. i hate being mad at someone, so furious about something so ridiculous, yet they don't see the problem, then when youre finally able to say how fucking pissed you are, you act like a bimbo just to keep the peace as if everything is ok.
well everything isn't ok
and i need to run away, run back home. i dont know if i want pity, or if i want to leave just so a year or two down the line, theyll have regrets. i dont even know if he'd miss me if i was gone. maybe thats what i want to find out.
dont even listen to me, i just want to whine to someone who isnt myself for a change.
Comments: 1
Paranoid Android
Mar 20th, 2008 6:39:39 am - Subscribe
Author: marlene
Mood: super
: Radiohead
Lifes been pretty great, met up with my lady friend and we watched some tv together. She asked to take me out to dinner sometime so as much as I hate to admit it, it might be my first actual date.
Hopefully it goes well.
I'm so addicted to Daria.
Lifes been boring, no work tomorrow, don't know what I'll do, but it should hopefully be fun.
Comments: 0
I spent the summer wasting
Mar 17th, 2008 7:20:02 am - Subscribe
Author: marlene
Mood: queasy
: Belle and Sebastian - A Summer Wasting
I wanna start writing like I used to, idea after idea of amazing fictional work of a dream world I could only wish I was in. I wish i didnt lack the inspiration.
Where is my happiness. I think I'm happier alone even if I'm more lonely. F*k relationships and commitment, I live for me.
Comments: 1