This journal is public for all to enjoy
But no one but Ryker would read it
So don't even try to use it IC
Thank you.
There is a gap in entries because mun
had to take a couple months break
for mun life things.

Date: Oct 8th, 2008 1:20:16 am - Subscribe
Mood: working

I am going to beg for Master to take this belt away. It has begun to impede my serving. Masters have grumbled and others turned me away or such because I wear it.

I was told tonight to kneel in tower because I had it on and the Master seemed miffed at me the rest of the serve, sending me away afterwards and saying not to speak to him again that evening.

So I will beg for it to be off, that is if I can get him to be still long enough to ask him.

I had thought when moving into the house that everyone would see each other more but nothing has changed, if anything it is slightly worse because we are more spread out than at the Inn.

I will try to track him down tomorrow, maybe kamya will know his schedule. Of course assuming I get her to be still long enough to tell me.
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Date: Sep 28th, 2008 7:38:41 pm - Subscribe

Tonight I saw the Mistress for a brief ihn. She asked me if I knew how to dance. I told her my training had been about to begin before we moved and that maybe now we were settled Master would allow it to begin again.

He did mention something along those lines the other night but I do not want to assume. It has gotten me into trouble in the past.

The Mistress said something about having the lack of willingness to strive. She also said it was terrible to have spirit lost and sounded as if someone had perished.

I am not sure what she means but obviously she has never had the kiss of the kurt when assuming to know what Master wants or wishes.

It does bring up the question again on how you can be spirited yet obedient? My spirit that Master claims is missing was derived from my need to escape. Does he wish me to continue wanting to escape? I have accepted I am here to stay, the collar is my place and yet he does not like this?

It is so confusing. How does kamya and runner just flit about glad to accept such as if there is nothing to it?

Am I the only one with such questions? The only one that feels lost?
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Date: Sep 26th, 2008 12:53:53 am - Subscribe
Mood: lost

Tonight kamya and I actually had a few minutes of civil conversation. We were unpacking in the kitchen and she asked me about my running.

She asked what I thought about which I answered honestly...nothing.

She asked why nothing to which I answered because it cleared my mind.

The conversation did get me thinking though about why I run. I have gotten to the point where I run two or three times a day given the chore load.

It has become an escape.

The only nuisance is the belt I wear. It is not horribly uncomfortable when running but not wonderful either. I hate taking it off because I feel like I am doing something wrong when I do. I feel bad enough when I have to take it off to handle mother nature, or to take a bath. I always make sure my handler can see me at all times, except for the two ihns to go, so that not one word can be uttered about me taking it off for any other reason.

He challenged kamya and I to get compliments at the Inn. I have been avoiding it abit merely because all seem to have their own slave now so I am rarely called to serve.

I dunno, I just feel abit...lost. Maybe I will go run again after putting my journal on his desk.
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Date: Sep 12th, 2008 2:47:36 am - Subscribe

I was caught reading a book about dances...

He wants me to give an example.

An example?

Of text?

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Date: Sep 8th, 2008 10:56:23 pm - Subscribe

I came upon a group when I was running tonight. I stayed and served. I actually enjoyed it for the most part. It does hurt sometimes to watch tiva with her owner but I will get used to it.

The one Master did not remember me until I mentioned the nickname lightweight from when he threw me in the thassa a hand or so ago. He laughed and said "Ohh now I remember you!" and offered me a shrimp. That killed the mood. I had to apologetically refuse telling about his command with food.

Why is he punishing me with this? Kamya and Runner get to bebop around like nothing and everything is fine but I get punished for naught!!

It was easier to be hungry on the streets because you could get away from the smell of food but here food is everywhere! I have become soft in my need for a consistent meal pattern and so I am hungry again.

And has he been here today? No! Trust me, he says. Hmmph!
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