perhapsnot's Blog

"I'm a racing car passin' by like Lady Godiva" -- Queen
Date: Dec 5th, 2006 5:29:15 am - Subscribe
Mood: troubled


Victory and I hung out tonight and I got to talk to her new beau for a couple minutes before I headed home. I actually really like him...though that might be a tad biased because he's going to enlist in the Army. That right there kills me (both makes me feel horrible and cracks me up) because, for the first reason, I don't want Victory to have to go through any of that. I did, have been, am, for the past 16 months and it sucks, though it makes a relationship so much stronger, and for the second reason...she swore up and down until she was blue in the face that she'd never date a guy in the military, especially after seeing me go through it all. The thing that sucks in all of this is that I'm not going to be able to be there for her when he leaves, when she is going through the roughest part. I'm going to be 20 hours (drive) away and she's going to need to save her money to go see him, so the only way I'm going to be able to comfort her is over the phone...and that's just not the same. I would've gone crazy while Greek was in BCT if I hadn't had her, hadn't had her physical presence there to help me, to keep me occupied, to just...BE. She was my rock. I'll also give her a fair ammount of credit for helping me to get over cutting and be happy. I just wish I could BE there for her like she was there for me, like she's ALWAYS there for me. I kind of feel that by moving I'm letting her down. She's going through a lot right now...her other best friend got diagnosed with cancer and a bleeding problem (it wouldn't clot) about a month ago and was given a week to live...well, she's obviously lived longer than they gave her but she's having problems like the loss of some linguistic capabilities. It sounds like she's having trouble forming words...and speaking in general. Her eyes were watering while she was on the phone with this girl tonight and I couldn't say anything. Couldn't do anything. I don't understand this. All I can offer her is what I've picked up from my mom (who is a nurse) over the years...I don't know what else to do. I guess I can only be there for her and hope it's enough.

To make matters worse. I totally broke my baby toe on my right foot tonight because I have a major lack of grace. Also, one of my best guy friends, Turkey, (whom I met through Greek while they were in AIT together) just put in a request to go to Kuwait for a year. Granted it's not all that dangerous...but still. He'll be deployed, and could very possibly go to Iraq from there. That's what a LOT of units do.

Adding to the helpless factor, Greek's best friend's (on post) time will be served this week and he'll be leaving the base they are stationed at to return home to his family. I feel horrible for him. He's got no one else there, and right now there is nothing I can do. I can't even kiss it away right now. I just feel awful. He's already admitted that he's going to be such a barracks rat after he leaves and will be counting the days until he comes home for Christmas which makes me worry for him. To make matters worse on THIS one, he found a lump on his back this morning which he thinks is just swelling from doing crunches poorly...but I'm a worry wart of a wife.

I'm behind on Christmas. I really need to get a move on on all of that. Granted I'm almost done purchasing everything...but a lot of it needs to be made and prepared. Boo.

I'm stressing about leaving. I'm not even looking forward to it right now because I'm so sad about leaving my family and friends that it's consuming me.
Comments: (0)

Image Verification:

Anonymous guest, why not register, or login now.