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The eye is the window to the soul...
alright now...
Aug 9th, 2008 3:28:23 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: demure
time to be honest with myself here, my rejected feeling isn't just from tonight's "later" but "no" that is all too familiar....i feel this way because of all the "let's hang out"s, the "i miss you"s, the "we should catch up"s, and all the other empty phrases that go unfinished. it's not always the thought that counts. intention isn't always good enough. i want things to be said, and done. not said and left alone. is that so much to ask? maybe it is. i try my hardest to do what i say i'm going to do. i guess i just wish people could do the same for me now and again.
yeah this is a lot of silly thought vomit, but maybe it'll allow me to get some sleep if i release this emotional buildup. ha. right. i always bottle it all up. but it never really explodes. more like a pop bottle, i'll fizz over and make a mess, but no real harm done. i need an outlet, something other than this blog. besides, i hardly use it anyway. no point really with no feedback. then again, maybe i don't need the feedback, i tend to sort it all out in my head after a while. would be nice to have someone to speed up the process though. oh well.
and oddly enough, the randomly associated mood is just my personality. the boy tells me often enough how i need to lighten up, have some fun.....but how can i when no one seems to want to have fun with me?
lost
Jan 10th, 2008 7:47:26 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: wretched
Sometimes I feel lost. "Don't we all?" you might say. Well, I haven't felt this lost in a loooong time. For one thing, I'm blogging again. Christ.
Do you ever feel like your world is being ripped apart for reasons unknown, perhaps the mere reality that the life you have isn't right and fate is trying to correct itself? That's my life at the moment. It sucks.
Atypical of my OLD blogs, I'm just rambling off my thoughts rather than trying to be poetic about it. I realized awhile ago that I have trouble doing that, it is not something that comes naturally for me like some.
Redirecting my thoughts here....My boyfriend's friend is going military, HUGE impact. Obviously. In addition...the BF is on really good terms with his ex, which makes me nervous because I know he still has feelings for her. In fact he actually admitted that to me a few hours ago. Yes, yes I know he explained it well enough and it's nothing like how I fear it is, but I'm still restless because of it. Just knowing that my "feelings" about things are once again becoming frighteningly accurate (no, it wasn't this event that triggered this thought, but did add to it) is unnerving to say the least.
I had a minor anxiety attack today. Haven't had one in a few months I believe. What fun those are. Not.
Hm. I suppose that's about it for now. About as "in your face" as I'll ever be.
Think I might try to blog more frequently...I feel mildly better.
the fall interrupted.
Sep 11th, 2006 3:29:39 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: tormented
We fell together as we found each other in the surrounding dark. Clutching each other so tightly, afraid of losing one another, we whispered "Don't let me go...never let me go." And so we continued to plummet for ages silence screaming all around until....
Finally we gave up the fight. Meagerly we loosened the grip we had on one another and let our fingers slip.
"I love you...always."
"I love you...forever."
Suddenly the rushing wind stops...and....we're suspended....in mid-air, wondering what has happened and questioning what is to come next, grateful to be alive. Not only grateful that we live, but to still have each other. forever.
But which forever will we be granted?
I FELL...
Dec 28th, 2005 5:47:42 pm - Subscribe
i'm feeling: abhorrent
but i felt you grab my wrist. you told me everything would be alright now. i was safe again. how did i slip away?
i feel the cold air rushing past my skin. i feel the nausea of weightlessness. i see nothing in the pitch black before me. all around frigid, black silence. clumsily i attempt to grasp... something... anything!
nothing.
what awaits me at the depths of this seemingly endless plummet?
will i snag something before i collide with the unforgiving fate below?
sigh...
Nov 12th, 2005 3:32:01 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: dilapidated. but hoping for the best
So the sky is crumbling
I am not afraid 'cause you see this too.
So my hands are shaking
I am not afraid 'cause you've got it bad.
I was counting all the monsters
I am ever going to be
and I was falling a thousand miles an hour swirling around,
the only sound was Acid Jed.
If this were the last day and this mind were not mine,
then I can't be ruined and that's 'cause you're all mine.
So the sky is crumbling.
I am not afraid 'cause you see this too.
So my hands are shaking.
I am not afraid 'cause you've got it bad.
If this were the last day and this mind were not mine
So the sky is
So my hands are
So the sky is
So my hands are
"acid jed"
-letters to cleo
copyright 2005
Aug 9th, 2008 3:28:23 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: demure
time to be honest with myself here, my rejected feeling isn't just from tonight's "later" but "no" that is all too familiar....i feel this way because of all the "let's hang out"s, the "i miss you"s, the "we should catch up"s, and all the other empty phrases that go unfinished. it's not always the thought that counts. intention isn't always good enough. i want things to be said, and done. not said and left alone. is that so much to ask? maybe it is. i try my hardest to do what i say i'm going to do. i guess i just wish people could do the same for me now and again.
yeah this is a lot of silly thought vomit, but maybe it'll allow me to get some sleep if i release this emotional buildup. ha. right. i always bottle it all up. but it never really explodes. more like a pop bottle, i'll fizz over and make a mess, but no real harm done. i need an outlet, something other than this blog. besides, i hardly use it anyway. no point really with no feedback. then again, maybe i don't need the feedback, i tend to sort it all out in my head after a while. would be nice to have someone to speed up the process though. oh well.
and oddly enough, the randomly associated mood is just my personality. the boy tells me often enough how i need to lighten up, have some fun.....but how can i when no one seems to want to have fun with me?
comments: 0
lost
Jan 10th, 2008 7:47:26 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: wretched
Sometimes I feel lost. "Don't we all?" you might say. Well, I haven't felt this lost in a loooong time. For one thing, I'm blogging again. Christ.
Do you ever feel like your world is being ripped apart for reasons unknown, perhaps the mere reality that the life you have isn't right and fate is trying to correct itself? That's my life at the moment. It sucks.
Atypical of my OLD blogs, I'm just rambling off my thoughts rather than trying to be poetic about it. I realized awhile ago that I have trouble doing that, it is not something that comes naturally for me like some.
Redirecting my thoughts here....My boyfriend's friend is going military, HUGE impact. Obviously. In addition...the BF is on really good terms with his ex, which makes me nervous because I know he still has feelings for her. In fact he actually admitted that to me a few hours ago. Yes, yes I know he explained it well enough and it's nothing like how I fear it is, but I'm still restless because of it. Just knowing that my "feelings" about things are once again becoming frighteningly accurate (no, it wasn't this event that triggered this thought, but did add to it) is unnerving to say the least.
I had a minor anxiety attack today. Haven't had one in a few months I believe. What fun those are. Not.
Hm. I suppose that's about it for now. About as "in your face" as I'll ever be.
Think I might try to blog more frequently...I feel mildly better.
comments: 0
the fall interrupted.
Sep 11th, 2006 3:29:39 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: tormented
We fell together as we found each other in the surrounding dark. Clutching each other so tightly, afraid of losing one another, we whispered "Don't let me go...never let me go." And so we continued to plummet for ages silence screaming all around until....
Finally we gave up the fight. Meagerly we loosened the grip we had on one another and let our fingers slip.
"I love you...always."
"I love you...forever."
Suddenly the rushing wind stops...and....we're suspended....in mid-air, wondering what has happened and questioning what is to come next, grateful to be alive. Not only grateful that we live, but to still have each other. forever.
But which forever will we be granted?
comments: 2
I FELL...
Dec 28th, 2005 5:47:42 pm - Subscribe
i'm feeling: abhorrent
but i felt you grab my wrist. you told me everything would be alright now. i was safe again. how did i slip away?
i feel the cold air rushing past my skin. i feel the nausea of weightlessness. i see nothing in the pitch black before me. all around frigid, black silence. clumsily i attempt to grasp... something... anything!
nothing.
what awaits me at the depths of this seemingly endless plummet?
will i snag something before i collide with the unforgiving fate below?
comments: 5
sigh...
Nov 12th, 2005 3:32:01 am - Subscribe
i'm feeling: dilapidated. but hoping for the best
So the sky is crumbling
I am not afraid 'cause you see this too.
So my hands are shaking
I am not afraid 'cause you've got it bad.
I was counting all the monsters
I am ever going to be
and I was falling a thousand miles an hour swirling around,
the only sound was Acid Jed.
If this were the last day and this mind were not mine,
then I can't be ruined and that's 'cause you're all mine.
So the sky is crumbling.
I am not afraid 'cause you see this too.
So my hands are shaking.
I am not afraid 'cause you've got it bad.
If this were the last day and this mind were not mine
So the sky is
So my hands are
So the sky is
So my hands are
"acid jed"
-letters to cleo
comments: 2
copyright 2005
