I caught an earful of a radio program about self-esteem today. Two men, discussing the effects of self-esteem on productivity in the workplace, about the factors that cause people to bring themselves down and whether that is good or bad for business. It seemed so casual, so matter-of-fact; something scientific, like medicine, that should be looked at ostensibly. I did not listen long enough to find out whether they bothered to mention the danger of its extremes, or if they even spoke of the people it affects. Perhaps now, having abnormally high or abnormally low self-esteem is considered a handicap or an asset for employment, depending on the circumstances. Do employers actually take that into account?

The nightmares continue. Recently, they are of a more violent nature, and still as real as ever. Last night, I dreamt about a strange game played with strange characters. It involved rolls of coins with odd symbols painted on them and intricately designed, vibrant tokens. Gameplay required a thick deck of dark cards. I distinctly recall an ancient, wise African man having a fit of rage that I won a round. My prize was some sort of flexible, tough-skinned vegetable, which, when opened, revealed many different types of coins, all of currencies I doubt exist anywhere on the planet. At the bottom, beneath the money, were many small pods resembling badly bruised bananas. They were rumored to be delicious (the old man kept complaining that he wished to eat them) but they also spoiled remarkably quickly. They were exposed to the air for minutes and had shriveled, nothing but hard grey wisps remaining. The other players kept threatening to sacrifice this man, and eventually, the vicious arguments erupted into a bloody mess. I'll spare you that part of the dream.

The previous night was filled with subconscious visualizations, some frightening, others tedious. The most poignant dream in the mess was of a death most disturbing... and if it's in any way linked to the world of waking, I am deeply sorry to have imagined it myself. I would never wish such a demise upon this sweet young person. I strongly regret what my mind conjured in this instance.

Apart from dreaming and pondering, in the past couple days I have had one dazzling conversation, sewn a garment that pleased me in its completion, and baked a luscious chocolate cake with help from a knowledgable friend. Yet I feel unaccomplished somehow. I haven't been wasting much time lately... but I have been yearning to go on a long journey for some time now, just go, just leave on my bike and explore. I want to roam about, writing in my journal, photographing various places and people; I want to experience the unknown. I want to move past the boundaries of the miniscule realms I walk through daily and break the mundane cycle that dismays and bores. I want to be free, I want to get out, to let that other, wilder world guide my wheels and my brain.

Maybe I'll disappear tonight. Take my feet away from here. I am finished feeling as if I am starving for excitement. I shall travel.

is there a part for me in these travles?

I too would love to adventure. It seems very childish but yet at the same time it amazes me. To just up and leave. ONly grabbing what you absolutely need and can fit into a small bag. Wandering without any sort of direction or destination.

I couldn't agree more that travelling is a terrific idea here because I believe it helps recharge my battery and widens my perspective once I return too.

Odd dreams. I too have them at times. I also wish to get out and to be free on a wild adventure.