My wish bracelet fell off today.

It was such a short day. It was a calm day, a carefree day, the type of day that you just can't plot on a calendar. It makes you feel so lucky, and so free, to roam through this type of day, to walk where your feet go and not where you tell them to.

Today, when I glanced at the sign on the door before I pushed it open, it meant something different to me. "Protect me from what I want"... with the image of those six words inside my head, an entire play suddenly made sense. What was the author trying to convey? Well, it's a bit too late, but I'll tell you what I think. I think he was trying to convey something that wasn't quite there, something more implied than actual. He wished for the viewer to see the negative space, the no man's land, the maybe pushing the yes away from the no. Even in his writing style, he showed us what was subtle, what was sweet... though making sure to tuck it underneath all the brutality and volume of this world. Among the empty and the lost, he found the rare and beautiful, and chose to write a play about them with little inclusion of their existence. How sensical that they should be nearly absent in our material realm due to cruelty and ignorance, and equally so in his literary realm due to the same things...

The auditorium was a muse for my camera today. It performed with unfilled seats, with closed curtains, with a deserted stage. It was perfect, flawless, met without cheers and cries and hands applauding. But maybe it was better that way.

Kevin and I took a nostalgia trip through the elementary school. It must have been exactly the same. I felt like I was intruding on my own past, as if stumbling over the footprints I had not yet walked. Aren't I still in first grade? Aren't I still in third grade? And fifth? I remember where each room is. I remember how the lunchroom was painted, and I remember pouring out the change in my film canister to pay for the food I ate in it. I remember crying in the office, and running up and down the stairs, and dragging my toy dog around as if it were a pet. I remember being friendless and happy and little and odd. Aren't I still?

Friend walked home with Lee and I once again, and I was glad for his company. Somehow, it put everything in its place. The smell of the sidewalk reminded me of Grimes Glen, and I thought of its pebbles and cold clean sharpness. I think that, perhaps, its frigid water rained here, because I swear I almost felt the wonder of that distant place in the air between the droplets.

Today is fluttering softly through time, jagged and wonderful and subtle and sweet.

Today was the good day. It was so open and free. It just seemed to flow all together. Everyone had a happy face. It was as if everyone knew the day was warm despite the rain, but felt no need to say anything. Just express.

As for the elementary school, it appears to be frozen in time. Everything is the same as it once was. I could see myself in all the hallways and classrooms years ago. It made me realize how quickly time passes. How everything has almost no meaning until it's over. It was great to spend those 40 minutes there and expreience the memories. <3.

Beautiful picture.
Which play are you speaking of?

to liz: she is speaking of A Streetcar Named Desire.

to eva: yesterday was very carefree and unplottable, it had an oddly comfortable feel to it. the cold rain seemed to cleanse the world of that grey fog i had been talking about. it was, simply put, wonderful.

There's a song by Placebo that has that as a lyric line. "Protect me from what I want..."

wow u said that was a good day and i would have to agree with u i just wish i was with u for more of it than i had but mabey it was a bit of my absence that made it wonderus

what a beautiful moth collage. it reminds me of autumn. thank you for your encouraging words. I hope for sweet dreams for both of us.