There's nothing left, i feel nothing at all.
Nothing to fight for, live for or just think about.
Living daily is torture, can never do anything anymore. Nor can I talk to anyone at all, and everything always sucks.
Destined to fail. Even if i try; and right now, everything i've done is proof that trying doesn't get you anywhere.
Peace, love and normality will never be found. I'd be happy with just one, or even a slight glimpse of one.
Nothing is ever going to happen.
I'm trying, I really am.
Everything's just a funking phase, though.
It's like, when i'm arsed; it's all good and I can do things, and i'm determined.
When I fall, and crash and burn; it's totally different. Everything's a chore, everything looks gray and the cycle of impending doom returns.
I can't break the cycle either, if I do it only returns.
I want to take better care of myself, and I want to lose some weight. Regulate a more balanced and healthy diet/lifestyle. Which means exercise as well, or SOMETHING to get me fitter and feeling better.
I should start sleeping at normal hours and actually put effort into my work.
I should seek help, the help I desperately need.
As he rightly said,
"she loves and cares about no one, not at the moment; not even herself.
when she learns to appreciate herself and who she is, she'll learn to appreciate others, and care and love."
How long have I known all of this, though?
How many times have I tried?
How much longer am I going to have to take this to be able to get further?
I maybe need a push;
I know what this is really all about.
No, not just chemical imbalances..
i tried so hard
to show to you.
Maybe that's what's been up, and the only way i'll know is if I get some sleep.
If I can turn things around from here, it'd really help. Otherwise i'll need to come up with my grand plan.
I always thought lately that I'd become so cold-hearted and empty and that I'd never be able to be saved, or ever be able to feel any better at all. Not even the smallest bit.
Eleven hours of sleep in four days
I need to talk with you. I wish i could but i know i can't demand much of you.
The plan is desperately needed. I physically can't do this anymore, forget about mentally.
My legs and sometimes my hands are shaking, I feel like being sick; like i could really bring all my stomach contents up.
I feel cold and far too damaged. :(