envy. pak.
Date: Feb 2nd, 2006 3:52:36 am - Subscribe
Mood: pathetic

do i envy you? i do. or i don't. but i'm just glad you're happy. ok maybe i envy you cause i want to be happy too. im so friggin' sick of my life (i mean of what's happening in my life). i want to be happy. i want to be good. i want to.. i don't know. perhaps everything will just boil down to this:

I want to be over him.

Comments: (0)

This song really fits me. :|
Date: Nov 15th, 2005 12:55:17 am - Subscribe
Mood: bloated

Soul to Squeeze
Red Hot Chili Peppers

I got a bad disease,
Up from my brain is where I bleed.
In sanity it seems,
It's got me by my soul to squeeze.
Well all the love from me,
With all these dying trees I scream.
The Angels in my dreams,
have turned to demons of greed,
That's me.

Where I go I just don't know,
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my peace of mind,
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Today loves smile on me,
It took away my pain, said please
All that you ride is free,
You gotta let it be,
Oh ya.

Where I go I just don't know,
I got to, gotta, gotta take it slow.
When I find my peace of mind,
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

You're so polite indeed,
Well I got everything I need.
Oh make my days a breeze,
And take away my self destruction.

It's bitter baby,
And it's very sweet.
I'm on a rollercoaster,
but I'm on my feet.
Take me to the river,
Let me on your shore.
I be coming back baby,
I be coming back for more.

Doo doo doo doo dingle zing a dong bone,
ba-di ba-da ba-zumba crunga cong gone bad,
like an apple gift but i went out and never said my pleasures
I'm much better but I won't regret it never

Where I go I just dont't know,
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my peace of mind,
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Where I go I just don't know,
I might end up somewhere in Mexico.
When I find my peace of mind,
I'm gonna keep for the end of time!

Comments: (0)

WARNING: KORNISOME. Wag masyadong dibdibin.
Date: Nov 10th, 2005 1:49:28 am - Subscribe
Mood: braindead

I can't sleep. I've been staring at the dolpheen lamp a friend gave me on my 18th birthday for hourssssss. It's not my favorite object in the room, it's just that it was the only thing that looked(and somehow felt?) warm. Maybe it was the tiny glow of the lamp that reminded me of fireflies (I'm so fond of them). I haven't seen any for a long time now... And then I started to cry. I haven't done that too for quite a while. I mean crying in the middle of the night and not knowing "exactly" why.

... ...

... ...

Damn. I wish sadness is something tangible. You know... Something I can get hold of so I can crush it in my hands or slam it on the wall or throw it away in the vast ocean or stomp on it - any way just to make it disappear. But no. It's just there (or here inside me?) somewhere. Unseen. Like the wind - you.can.only.feel.it.

And then I remembered what Boy Abunda said in Homeboy (I HATE Boy Abunda pero parang nananadya talaga yung mga unseen forces at yung "wisdom" pa nya ang naalala ko): "Pain never leaves you. You just get used to it." Or something like that. Hmm.. "A wound that never heals???" Naks. Is that the reason why sometimes when you think you're already "OK" the stitches suddenly break and then, Whoala! The wounds are fresh again! Farang magic dabah?

Sigh. Wala lang. I just have to write this one down. Err "type" pala. I have to fight this. I mean THESE. All of theeeeese. Insomia, depression(naka-strike kasi ayokong aminin na depressed ako! Hinde~!!!), madness, sadness, slamming-my-head-against-the-pillowness, cryingness, getting-out-of-bed-just-to-make-a-blog-entryness... LAHATness. I WANT MY INSOMIA-FREE NIGHTS BACK!!!! Hiyaaaaaaaaah!

There aren't enough black sheeps in the universe to count. I already counted myself.

ALL THE BLACK SHEEPS - Me - 3 nights count of black sheeps = The rest of the still-to-be-counted sheeps

Ah! I'm a genius! Back to bed now. Back to dolpheen lamp-staring. Sunrise is not far away...

(Written just this morning.)

Comments: (2)

Insert title here.
Date: Oct 17th, 2005 5:01:03 am - Subscribe
Mood: unknown
Music:: Pinoy Ako - Orange and Lemons

Help! I want to change my blog's url but how? :?

Oh well. I haven't been really honest with myself these days. When somebody asks me how I am, my answer's an instant "OK" or "Fine". That's it. Like I'm some sort of auto-reply machine.

If you're asked with a question like this, reply with this and this and this.

Truth is that I'm far(not soo far, just far) from being OK. I'm mad!!! I'm mad to the bones, I am! I've told myself a million times to TRY and LEARN to be happy. To overcome pain, not to dwell in it. To look into the brighter side of things. To GET OVER HIM (that was pathetic so I'm gonna pretend now that I haven't said that). To straighten things out. To.. To.. To.. live.

But hey I'm really trying. It's just that this is new to me. I'm naturally born with a pessimistic mind that's why "seeing through sickness" is hard for me. But I'm not giving up.

Big deal? >:p

Gawd this is harder than I thought, this whole "moving on" thing. >.<

Comments: (2)

Date: Sep 13th, 2005 3:16:10 am - Subscribe
Mood: abnormal

Lately I noticed I've been spending a lot of time outdoors. Outdoors for me is anywhere inside the house. Indoors means bedroom. grin.gif Strange 'cause my room's a lot cleaner these days but I prefer to stay outside. Hmm maybe I'm more comfortable in a messy room? :| Anyhooooh, what I'm trying to say is, I'm happier these days. Because I chose to be happy. Happier. Happiest. Yes, I've realized happiness is a choice. I don't want to be sad anymore. No no no more.

But I will not promise much. I mean, I'll choose happiness but not to the point that I'm gonna be hypocritical on things. You see I can't say I'm completely happy when I know some people are not. Especially when I can't do anything about it. It's just not right. This is my weakness. sad.gif

Everyone.. please be happy. Please.
Comments: (2)

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