WARNING: KORNISOME. Wag masyadong dibdibin.
Date: Nov 10th, 2005 7:49:28 am - Subscribe
Mood: braindead
I can't sleep. I've been staring at the dolpheen lamp a friend gave me on my 18th birthday for hourssssss. It's not my favorite object in the room, it's just that it was the only thing that looked(and somehow felt?) warm. Maybe it was the tiny glow of the lamp that reminded me of fireflies (I'm so fond of them). I haven't seen any for a long time now... And then I started to cry. I haven't done that too for quite a while. I mean crying in the middle of the night and not knowing "exactly" why.
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Damn. I wish sadness is something tangible. You know... Something I can get hold of so I can crush it in my hands or slam it on the wall or throw it away in the vast ocean or stomp on it - any way just to make it disappear. But no. It's just there (or here inside me?) somewhere. Unseen. Like the wind - you.can.only.feel.it.
And then I remembered what Boy Abunda said in Homeboy (I HATE Boy Abunda pero parang nananadya talaga yung mga unseen forces at yung "wisdom" pa nya ang naalala ko): "Pain never leaves you. You just get used to it." Or something like that. Hmm.. "A wound that never heals???" Naks. Is that the reason why sometimes when you think you're already "OK" the stitches suddenly break and then, Whoala! The wounds are fresh again! Farang magic dabah?
Sigh. Wala lang. I just have to write this one down. Err "type" pala. I have to fight this. I mean THESE. All of theeeeese. Insomia, depression(naka-strike kasi ayokong aminin na depressed ako! Hinde~!!!), madness, sadness, slamming-my-head-against-the-pillowness, cryingness, getting-out-of-bed-just-to-make-a-blog-entryness... LAHATness. I WANT MY INSOMIA-FREE NIGHTS BACK!!!! Hiyaaaaaaaaah!
There aren't enough black sheeps in the universe to count. I already counted myself.
ALL THE BLACK SHEEPS - Me - 3 nights count of black sheeps = The rest of the still-to-be-counted sheeps
Ah! I'm a genius! Back to bed now. Back to dolpheen lamp-staring. Sunrise is not far away...
(Written just this morning.)
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