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paperdoll "you gave me cold glass love.... - Subscribe
...youve got teeth of biteing and youve bore a hole in me"

wow i have not updated in a very long time

i know why... for awhile now ive been slowly loseing myself and now i have a whole bunch of shit to deal with

school well lets just say im gonna have to scramble to fix everything

but im still not sure im up to that

todays been a day of listning to any girl that motivates me for well anything ... ive cried alot.

although i knew this was gonna happen i didnt know it would be so fast or so painfull

ive lost alot

and i still dont know what i want out of life

and to well make this all ironic last night this is what my fortune cookie said ... "You are an angel. Beware of those who collect feathers"

well not to sound depressing but guess what this is the SECOUND time ive had that one.. fuck

i should get up im gross and yet motivation not there but hey oh well time to get up

have a list to do today. and im gonna get through it all.

-ariel

"gentlest star and sweetest sound
something you run back and forth when house burns down
alone
alone dosnt feel so cold
alone dosnt feel so cold
cuz your arms
your arms dosnt feel that warm
so come back and take me home"
1 Comments
what im humming to: Trespassers Williams- Alone

paperdoll giving up Feb 28th, 2006 11:28:14 am - Subscribe
i fucking hate school

alot

and i have a speech today and i guess im ready BUT i dont want to.

i just wanna sit and cry.

ariel
0 Comments
Mood: wired

paperdoll out of jail Feb 24th, 2006 1:33:08 am - Subscribe
even though people are trying they cant get me down tonight.

i had a nice normal time and i got outta the house

first me and anna did some pointless shopping but i bought sunglasses whiich i needed.

then we ate at grandmas

the we wandered the mall and looked at ok clothes

picked up bart

played monopoly at his house

driveway=killer
2 Comments
Mood: stunning

paperdoll baby im bad news Feb 23rd, 2006 3:58:35 am - Subscribe
If you don't suit up, you'll never get a chance to play. If you don't play, you'll never see how good you are. If you don't see how good you are, you'll never let yourself compete. The moral? Get out of bed, already.

my horoscope for this new day

ALRIGHT I GET IT

but....

i dont wanna get up

i like it here in bed

bowling today almost passed out but did ok bowling wise

thanks for calling so much... its nice to know well u care

well ok oru wanted to talk about that stuff but STILL

got asked out

cant go

ha shouldnt go either so glad i work. probly, less mess that way

-ariel
1 Comments
Mood: jittery
what im humming to: rilo kiley

paperdoll breathe Feb 21st, 2006 12:52:09 am - Subscribe
sick again i hate it

maybe it is stress

called me 3 times wow.

i dont know what to do mostly cuz u dont believe im sick.. i really havent given u a reason to belive me

because im not the best person

and i keep ignoring whats wrong

but i have a headache so..

night
ariel
1 Comments
Mood: fatigued

paperdoll i saw a deer on your road Feb 19th, 2006 9:40:46 pm - Subscribe
life is ok

my throat has takein a major leap for bad

and im tired

hahahaha work is odd....

"ha ha im touching your buns"- bart as he holds my sandwitch buns ha ha real mature not like u havent touched the real thing...

i mean...

anyways

i need sleep and something to knock me out

i miss talking to u glad we had a talk in disguise of doing onions even if it kept being interupted.

-ariel
0 Comments
Mood: sickish

paperdoll hurt me Feb 16th, 2006 4:09:51 pm - Subscribe
torn
in pain
hurts like a stab
ignoring you
only i want to call u
new thoughts
old thoughts
hopeing youd care
knowing you dont
fuck i hate u
yet again
i have to make it better
i cant hurt u
i hurt me
new boy
hurt me to?


shitty poem i just jotted down

im haveing a breakdown

fuck

-ariel
1 Comments
Mood: claustrophobic

paperdoll this charade is over Feb 16th, 2006 1:31:17 am - Subscribe
i think somethings ending.. and it hurts

i found something out that really hurt me alot and i went on a shopping spree with anna who was the one who told me

bought cruel intentions
the 6th season of buffy (now have compleated seasons)
and jeans from abrecrombie

was called into work

went to bowling

bowling=wonderful

maybe someone new?

very possibly.

now i need to figure out what to do with the old.. and all the pain im still in

-ariel
0 Comments
Mood: used
what im humming to: dashboard Confessional- Best Deceptions

paperdoll inside out Feb 13th, 2006 12:46:26 pm - Subscribe
my weekend was good it could have been very emotinal well more so then it was and it wasnt.

although i still think im ignoring the problem ot much but i guess thats just what im good at.

friday- went to a movie with trisha
bart called wanted us to come to party i was drving and tirsha told him yes well the party was lame he ignored me and he was already smashed.
me greta trisha left and smoked a clove ok probly not the best thing for me to do but guess what after that i felt so much more relaxed then i had before
bart called me a few more times cuz guess what he was smashed.

saturday- ignored his calls again went to the play with dustin it was major fun and the set fell apart which was hilriouse.
went home and called bart back he was sober and conversation went well. leaving me more confused then before.

sunday- work oh yeah i worked saturday to dont forget that ew work went well i worked with him we were well normal and work is always interesting even though luke called me moody which i was so not..
fell asleep on my phone listning to people

today- already riseing on the verge of negative missed first class again and locked keys in house makeing me have to call anna to give me a ride to class.

we will see what the rest of this day brings

signing off
ariel
2 Comments
Mood: unsure
what im humming to: Panic! at the disco-Lyeing is the most fun a girl can have without takeing her clothes off

paperdoll step in a blender Feb 9th, 2006 2:29:22 pm - Subscribe
i need something to take my frustrations out on ...

im worried things are really bad. and really theres nothing i can do about it.

now i understand why she said that.. i dont want you to get hurt... im not ill be ok

but i see where ud get that.

and i still cant stop. but im not sure how much more i can take, before i snap and become insaneo brutal bitch.

or something.

schools ok, i think i should focus on it more.

alot more.

"i will not let you drink yourself alone"

i feel really small
1 Comments
Mood: worried
what im humming to: Dashboard Confessional- Best Deceptions

paperdoll was it worth it? Feb 7th, 2006 6:31:15 pm - Subscribe
im ignoring your calls, why? cuz i was mad u didnt call before..

what does this mean? im crazy, yes. i agree.

got a whole bunch of new music from anna YEAH! i love panic at the disco.

i have class soon fuck.

i dont wanna go.

and i have to call u back, and maybe apoligize or lie about not anwsering.

bye

ariel
0 Comments
Mood: mean

paperdoll \"do u believe in what you see? \" Feb 7th, 2006 2:27:51 pm - Subscribe
tristan and isolde was good ... made me sad it was so romantic and i dont really think ill ever have an undieing love

im not sure i can feel that.

at least not right now.

so phonecalls silly things i dont like.

annas coming over today not what i thought would happen but its stil mighty fun to..

boo

-arrie

like my new garden state cd but again the songs are to sweet and there makeing me sad.
0 Comments
Mood: unloved

paperdoll \"flawed if in not free\" Feb 5th, 2006 8:23:53 pm - Subscribe
so i guess some people are really mad at me cuz of the choices im makeing.. there not all that bad.

im finding me and i guess i have to just do what I want and not what OTHER people want.

as long as i dont hurt myself in the process right?

but im not.

grades = good

and believe it or not i do have a level head im not gonna be dumb.

my hairs temporarly red i think i like it.

-ariel
4 Comments
Mood: confined

paperdoll come down Feb 4th, 2006 5:31:10 pm - Subscribe
i feel like everythings all gonna come down and i know it is shit

arrie
2 Comments
Mood: decaffeinated

paperdoll giggles and frustration Feb 4th, 2006 10:39:21 am - Subscribe
another night of a person being mad at me cuz y idont know

hung outwith kalen at the mall.

awkwardness at barts house

bowling ididnt do totally wonderfull

megan stormed off in the bowling ally

kalen got wasted and i watched from the futon well trying to eat pizza pretty amusing. only i was a little tired cuz i had had one drink.

all in all a better night then i thought it would be

-ariel
0 Comments
Mood: hungrey

paperdoll conversation hearts.. Feb 2nd, 2006 10:04:39 pm - Subscribe
... taste like coconut ew.

and yet i still eat it weird.

he called sounded llike he was in a better mood..hes sick...

im sick. i have a fever which i never get and i feel dizzy when i get up EW!.

tommrow i hope i feel better then but u never know.

i think i nailed my speech! yeah i love that well see what the grade is

-ariel
0 Comments
Mood: dizzy

paperdoll burning throat Jan 31st, 2006 10:32:45 pm - Subscribe
im sick and my throat is killing me times a trillion

he called this afternoon apparently he can feel himself getting sick to.. boo everyones sick

school public speaking was a blast but i was just glad i didnt need to speak since my throat kills, plus i wasnt really ready for a speech cuz im a slacker

dont get me wrong i love school. i just feel like curling up and sleeping lately.

i watched ice princess YEAH i love that movie

school tommrow boo...at least i have bowling.

which is fun cuz i have a cheering section lol i love my lane.

-ariel
2 Comments
Mood: serene

paperdoll frustration Jan 31st, 2006 12:49:15 am - Subscribe
my parents are horrible they think going out is a bad thing

they think i dont care about school

they think im bad

im not

and he hasnt called since that night

lame
1 Comments
Mood: hurt

paperdoll lost Jan 29th, 2006 1:59:47 am - Subscribe
um never mind my last entry

um although i do feel a bit well ugh its hard to explain

oh well

ditched megan again

opps

-ariel
1 Comments
Mood: naive

paperdoll sinking feeling Jan 28th, 2006 8:40:45 pm - Subscribe
im fucking pissed off .... my FUCKING GOD

and im trying not to cry

you were right guys and i love u all alot... im sorry i had doubts ... now how does the pain stop?

im not gonna cry. not over him

god

whats wrong with me?

-ariel
1 Comments
Mood: unsafe
what im humming to: Imogen heap- hide and seek