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Friday - Garden State - Let It Go
Date: Apr 20th, 2007 7:45:41 am - Subscribe
Mood: Disheartened
Load on my mind: Walk the walk. I'll lean on the sign.

Let Go Let Go.
Let Go Let Go.

The one thing, that holds me down and breathes death in my face.
The one thing that makes me go white.
The one thing that makes my eyes water.
The one thing that makes me relapse.
More then any other.

Is watching a movie (In 'Garden State' tonight), With a guy who isn't happy, for some reason or another, who meets a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and he makes her cry, then at the end in an airport terminal or the like they realise it was all meant to be, they were meant to be together and they were meant to be together to help each other. Then through every tear they kiss and a really appropriate song plays and the credits appear.
Maybe because i empathise with it... I don't know.

I see that girl as my girlfriend.
And in my best dreams the guy is me.
But something else sits and cries and says "You know that guy isn't you, right?"

I've never had this with another girl.

And i'm scared.
Because i know i want that one day.
But so much is going to happen, i know that.
I know i want it to be her.
But something says "It won't be, the chances are slim to none."
But i say "What if?"
And this scares me because i also say "What if i spend my life saying 'what if?' and it doesn't happen?"

I don't know.
I'm scared, i know i'll compare every girl from now on to this one.
And i know i'll have to be with different girls, Because i know thats how it works.

How do you perfect perfection?

How do you cope, knowing you have exactly what you want. You have perfection but you know its on a time limit, a time limit that will run out when you aren't looking?

Perfection on a time limit. Then where does it go, where do i go when that perfection is gone?

Do i look for a substitute, a methadone for my heroin?

Do i dwell and try to bring it back?

Or do i give up and become one of those pathetic old people who talk about their teenage sweetheart but never had anything else, never had a wife. Because they never found anything else?

Maybe it will all be ok.
Thats just how i feel when i watch movies like 'Garden State'. As much as i love the movies. They make me anxious, concerned and scared.

I'm going to sleep now. I need to escape for a bit, relax. Wake up tomorrow and try to be excited for our gig. Put up the mask.
Bringing it out once in a while is ok.
Then again, i might wake up ok.
I hope so.

"Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be."

- The Beatles

In Aeternum,
Comments: (1)

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tron - April 20th, 2007
Maybe, and although it makes so little sense to entertain maybe's lets do it anyway, you will not find anyone better for you. But lets remember that the concept of you is fluid with changing needs and wants. Perhaps when you let go of this particular concept of perfection, you can allow yourself to want for different things in a world where desire defines our realities.

She may be exactly what you need right now. And the end may be coming. As ends do when they get it into their mind that they are needed. But don't think that you will always be the boy you are now. You will need different things in your life as you grow. She is no madonna baby. She isn't going to make the world ok. You have to make your own world ok for yourself. And who knows, when you do, it just might be you taking that leap into the great unknown.

Never be bitter. Every experience you have is your own. Own it. Take it away and learn or else what has this all been for?

You will some days wonder about your childhood sweetheart. You'll want to know where she is and what she's doing. And you'll laugh with your partner about her childhood sweetheart. Because if you want it badly enough the fairytale is yours.

Just know that there's more than one princess for a prince, because needs change.

love sis.


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