Some time passed. But it doesn't count.
Date: Mar 23rd, 2009 1:04:56 am - Subscribe
I had last year off.
I did nothing with my time.
I took some drugs, I struggled to get up every morning, I worked full time as a kitchenslave.
I came out the other side, but only barely.
I nearly lost myself in the haze of sedation, I had to push myself away and my only motivation was that of wanting to know.
Sure, I had the family, I had the public pressure, I had the girlfriend (for the start and the end), but it all means nothing when you don't care about your mind.
You don't need a mind to communicate, you only need a brain.
Perhaps this is why I suddenly felt the urge to write. To say something I actually care about, to feel something that makes me want to write.
I'm still trying to become completely human again but perhaps I'm missing certain human qualities now. I don't need other people the way I did in high school.
I only socialise if I really want to, I lock myself away and read my university texts instead of going drinking or taking drugs.
And I don't fear failure in university, I know I won't but I don't need to study as much as I do, I just find my solace is that of knowledge.
Am I a bad person for this?
No one would think so, they simply think I am studious.
If anybody did worry about this, they'd ask me to have a drink.
I don't like drinking all that much, it's such a predictable and wasteful activity. This isn't to say it's not fun, I just wouldn't be the one to suggest it, unless I was feeling sociable.
I suppose I haven't been here for a while, I hope to be back soon. I hope I'll have something to say.
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