Thursday - And Then, Just As I Got...
Date: May 3rd, 2007 2:43:00 am - Subscribe
Load on my mind: laying on the road with a grey carpet to cover the body.
To the surface a shark pulled my bobbing head back under the calm water.
"And did you ever really find,
When you closed your eyes,
Any place that was still,
And at peace..."
- Zero Sum (NIN)
There is never the still and the peace.
It is one or the other.
When it's still, it's boring, leaving a man alone in a room with only himself, no one can save him from his mind.
When it is at peace, there is chaos, because only when we see and have access to True chaos can we ever be in sync with True peace.
"I want to be someone to believe."
- Mr. Jones (Counting Crows)
God i wish someone would hang on my every word.
I'm hungry, its selfish but i want power, no, i want control.
I want control over something in my life.
Everything relies on the decisions of someone else.
I want to leave this town in my dust, somewhere where only i know myself. Where no one will know the hurt i feel i've left imprinted in every friend i've ever hads life.
I want to escape.
Somewhere where i'm not guilty of anything.
Somewhere where i have some say in what i am, who i am in others eyes and who they are to me and in turn themselves.
Thats the way people work after all.
Do as you are told.
I want to be new again.
I want to start again.
I need to get away from here, remove my past.
But i never will.
Then what am i?
"Don't You Know... I haven't been well"
- Ruby Moon
I need something, i'm looking for it, i used to know what it was, but now i'm lost but i'm still running around frantically looking.
I am guilty.
I can't help but feel ashamed.
But i'm not.
But I am alone.
And so he emerged one more time as the shark tore apart his lower body, unbeknown to the people at the shoreline.
His friends, his family and everyone he'd passed in his life, watched from the sand, seeing only a waving silhouette in the starry winters night. Waving back they watched him sink below, this time he didn't resurface.
His remains were never found.
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