.:. Blogs .:.

[	Subject	\|	Meh	]
[	Date	\|	Sep 5th, 2004 12:37:53 pm - Subscribe	]
[	Mood	\|	meh	]

Well, things aren't the best right now. My mom was in the hospital the other day for her stomach and she's going back tonite because it's bad.

Money's not good either. We have like, no food in our house. I'm trying hard to get a job so I can help out. Plus, Mike's birthday is coming up, so is Mindy's and Aly's. And Sept. 24th is the Nintendo Fusion concert and Oct. 3rd is the Mest concert. And I still need to get my shoes for lyrics and and jewlery. Nothing is going right for us at all.

I'm still waiting for a good day ya know?

Anyways, I heard Simple Plan's new song today and it's pretty good. I love it. I love the lyrics too.

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud but no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and their stupid lies
Well deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like [x2]

Welcome to my life [x3

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[	Subject	\|	Damn mother!!!	]
[	Date	\|	Aug 26th, 2004 12:43:59 pm - Subscribe	]
[	Mood	\|	pissed off	]

My mom found out I pierced my lip and she got pissed as hell. So she said she's going to enroll me in Bear Creek. I don't want to go there! The only reason I would, is because of Lauren. Well, her and the hott punk and emo boys. lol. But yeah, she wasted $120+ on my lyrics dress and she thinks shes gonna wear it to her company's Christmas party. yeah, right.

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[	Subject	\|	My day.	]
[	Date	\|	Aug 23rd, 2004 3:20:17 am - Subscribe	]
[	Mood	\|	depressed and scared	]

Today was ok. Well, it started off ok I mean. We went to Ginas and I saw Elaine, Erica, Cori, Uncle Joe (he reminds of me of my dad and it scares me, and little Nick. It was great. Elaine said she'd start taking me to shows.

Everything was great, until we were driving home. My mom ended up having a seizure (sp?). But it wasn't just one. It was like 30 in like 2 hours. She was puking and shat. This was the worse one she's ever had. I hate seeing her like that. She kept saying it hurt and she kept asking us (me and Paul-her b/f) to make it go away. I kind of felt helpless in a way. Ya know? I wanted to help her, but I couldn't. I love her to death and even Paul was about to cry because he loves her too. *sigh* She has these when things are stressful and right now, things are so stressful for her, for all of us. I just wish things would get better soon. I'm scared to go to bed incase she needs me. I'm the only one here with her. I can't stop crying either.

As I'm writing this, I'm listening to "Thank-you Mom" by Good Charlotte, and yeah, I like the lyrics alot. I can relate to them as well (except for the part about being a man and all.)

Thank-you Mom
I'm sitting here I'm thinking back to a time when I was young...
My memory, is clear as day
I'm listening to the dishes clink, you were downstairs, you would sing
Songs of praise
And all the times we laughed with you, and all the times that you stayed true to us
Now we say...
I said I thank you, I'll always thank you
More than you could know, than I could ever show
And I love you, I'll always love you
There's nothing I won't do, to say these words to you
That you're beautiful forever
You were my mom, you were my dad, the only thing I ever had was you, it's true
And even when the times got hard, you were there to let us know...that we'd get through
You showed me how to be a man, you taught me how to understand the things, people do
You showed me how to love my God, you taught me that not everyone knows the truth
And I thank you, I'll always thank you
More than you could know, than I could ever show
And I love you, I'll always love you
There's nothing I won't do, to say these words to you
That you will live forever
Always, always and forever

Yeah, i'll shut up now.

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[	Subject	\|	School	]
[	Date	\|	Aug 21st, 2004 1:33:32 am - Subscribe	]
[	Mood	\|	meh	]

Well, wednesday I started school. It was, well, meh. I was going to try the whole not talking thing, but as always that didn't work. lol. Everyone thought my hair was pretty cool. I have some places where I have to do touch-ups but it still rocks! lol

Anyways, on with my day.

I woke up at like 6 because I was having problems sleeping. Anyways, got up and got ready. I left the house about 7:15. When I got to school, I started freaking out for some reason. lol. But it was all good. Amber and I started walking around trying to find out lockers. We found hers first then started wondering towards the science hallway still looking for mine. We ended up running into our friend Joe and he walked with us. My locker is 1303 and turns out Joe's is 1302. lol He has a bottom locker!! HAHA!! lol. I love his stomach. Omg! It's so like, wonderful! lol Anyways, we couldn't get my locker open so I said "Screw it. I'll do it during 3rd." Then Denice walked up and we walked to 1st together.

1st I have Am. History. My teacher was just talking about stupid shat I have heard since I started school. I was kind of zoning out. Oh well. lol

2nd I have English. We didn't do anything except talk about what we would normally do in class and blah blah blah. He gave us homework. Jerk! lol.

3rd I have off. I spent it with my friends Joe and Zaide. We went out to the smokers pit while those two smoked. Joe wanted me to read his 'poems/thoughts' and I did. And damn! They are really good. lol Better than my stuff. But yeah. I spend all of 3rd with mostly Joe. He's cool. I'd date him, but the only problem is he's a stoner and smokes and shat, and that's such a turn-off.

4th I have Biology. I hate the teacher. He is so boring and wont shut up about stupid shat! I was zoning out and talking to my 'friend' Ryan. He pissed me off because he was talking crap about my best friend and he expected me not to get mad. Dumbass! And of course I told Aly.

5th I have Lyrics (advanced womens choir). It kind of pissed me off the find out that Jenee was in there when she didn't go to any of the meetings and she wasn't there when we picked the dress, but I guess we're ordering her a dress anyways. Whatever. During that class, like, everyone was sitting with their friends and I was all alone. It sucked major ass.

Lunch was, well, meh. Nothing really happened. Aly and I were walking to the senior lounge and happened to walk by Jenee and Amber. As we did so, Jenee started yelling at me. She's like "Bitch! I hope you die! You fucking bitch!" I just started laughing to myself and kept walking. Whatever. This year, I'm not putting up with her shat!

6th I have math. I sit in the same seat as I did last year and I sit right next to my ex, like I did last year. We did this game and we ended up getting suckers. I made a new friend too. Go me! lol. Her name is Megan and she's so funny! lol.

7th I have Chorale (advanced mixed choir). That was hell. I ended up sitting in the same spot I did for lyrics. And again, I was all alone. I was looking around to see who was in my section and I locked eyes with Jenee. I whispered to her "Jenee, I'm sorry for whatever I did." and she's like "Fuck you Caitlin! Fucking turn around! Stupid bitch!" I just looked at her like 'What the hell?' and told her to fuck off.

8th I have off. I was hanging out with all my old friends from last year. They haven't changed. lol. Stupid Brad asked if I was wearing a bra (the one I was wearing sucks ass and yeah. Makes my boobs look weird). Actually, his friend wanted to know. Meh. Aly and I went home and I was so ready to cry and I don't know why. It sucks!

Well, I guess my day was 'ok'. I mean, I'm pissed at the fact that Jenee hates me.I guess I tried to break her and her boyfriend up last year or something while she was in Florida. Whatever. And she likes to threaten people too which is amusing. I start laughing everytime she threatens me. lol. But I found out that if she's threatening you, and you stand up to her, she'll back down. SO yeah, I'm just waiting for her to fuck with me. lol. But the sad part is that I can't get in trouble at all or else I have to go to Bear Creek. Well, Gots to go! Cya!!

Rock Out Loud.
Live on,
Love on,
Rock on.
~*~Caitlin~*~

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[	Subject	\|	Bruised and Broken	]
[	Date	\|	Aug 15th, 2004 3:38:37 am - Subscribe	]
[	Mood	\|	eh	]

Why is it that when I fall for a guy, I always get hurt? 7th grade I fell for Daniel M. but he didn't know who I was. 8th grade I fell for Jeff T. and Dan B. but Jeff treated me like shit and chased after me with a knife and Dan, well, I don't know what his deal was. 9th it was a few guys; Daniel M. (again....still!), Jordan D., Jaymie H. and Joe J. I don't think Daniel knows I exsit. Jordan, well, he graduated and I know he'd never like me. Jaymie thinks I'm a stalker and doesn't like me at all (not even as a friend), and Joe, well, I don't know what's with him. I told him how I felt and he ignored me for 2 weeks.

I'm tired of falling for guys then getting hurt. My heart has been broken so many times that I'm surprised it's still there. Ya know? I just wish I could find a guy that's a sweetheart, treats me with respect, and loves me and wouldn't want to hurt me. But I guess I don't deserve that. I deserve to get hurt.

Rock Out Loud.
Live on,
Love on,
Rock on.
~*~Caitlin~*~

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