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But maybe its the rainy weather that's been getting me all emotional. And I hate it, because I feel like I'm going to spiral back to one my black moods again. As I sit back and contemplate the facts, I can't help but cringe... My friends will kill me once they find out that I still love the boy who swept me away one summer...He remains a fucking bastard in their eyes. And mine too. Haha! He's head over heels in love with someone else, and I can't believe I'm helping him out. Erg. I love my set of friends in my block. They're awesome. But somehow, I still find myself slightly discriminated for not speaking Tagalog as well as they do. Not my fucking fault, but I'm trying! I swear! I don't like feeling left behind. They're fun to be with, but I do wish they'd be more open with me. And the guys seem scared of me as well. Heh. As for my highschool friends, oh boy. Recent events made me question myself whether I should see them again. They want it to be like old times, but I swear its the "old times" that drove me up the wall. I miss them, but I'm happier where I am now. You may find this vague, but since I got into college, I've had my share of ups and downs. I also have been trying to become better...in almost everything I can do. From speaking damn Filipino to getting good grades, from being real sociable and whatnot. It's exhausting. Because..I don't know..I want to be a better version of myself compared to highschool. It's just so damn exhausting. I skipped a shitload of parties this month. I spent my days working like a horse, all the while loving it because I was never so absorbed in my studies. Oh, I got to see JD (INXS) yesterday. 'Effin hott!! *drool* Night! |
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It was nothing much. Just a boring movie and coffee at the mall. Time passed and we were talking nonsense. Then I had a sudden craving for ice cream. We dragged our lazy bums around searching for an ice cream shop that was open at 10 in the evening. Eventually, we ended up having beers at a local bar. And we talked late into the night of things we never told anyone. It felt liberating, but kind of hilarious to finally find out that we were both going through the same shit. Thanks Tannie. I think I'm going to sleep well tonight. |