"Betrayer, speak not of your sins..You and this world ripped my fucking heart out..Again and again."
How emo. How evil of him to make me remember, haha you know who you are.
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After an afternoon spent at the Coop: I held the firetip in my fingers as smoke curled around my eyes. Once it cleared, I felt lightheaded and soon everything burst into color. A sudden brightness that made me hold my breath in awe. But then, it appeared to me like façade of blues, whites and greens. There was something underneath all that. I was sent spiraling down in painful contemplation. That's how it usually is for me. As the firetip glowed in between my fingers, questions ran through my head. All of them unanswered. |
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Listening to Aerosmith's Crying. My feet are cold. I will be starting college on Monday and the rainy season has just begun. I think I'm going to get shot for speaking English. "Nosebleed", they call it. |
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Sometimes I wonder whether I did the right thing: There is this special group of people whom I love to pieces. But I spent many nights of my senior year crying because of them...well no, maybe just Trish, my dearest friend. I have never met anyone who made me cry so much and so often. I think it's called inferiority complex. The reasons are just as vague and selfish of me. They are gathering dust in a little corner of my mind. I loved spending time with this special group of friends. They seem to understand and love me just the same. But what I could not grasp was how everytime I was with them, I was losing my identity. I hated that gaping hole inside myself and it grew everytime I hung out with them. Somehow, my flaws became my obssesion and I envied every happy living soul on earth. Especially Trish, who seemed to have the world wrapped around her finger. I was losing my mind in stages but ready to walk through fire for these girls. I became the walking dead for most of my senior year, wishing and hoping to escape. I was not happy with them, I loved them to pieces though. Yet I couldn't understand why I felt so 'out of it'. At the end of the year, I backed out from the college my friends and I got into, and into another college that promised me a better future. Summer for me was the busiest ever and I did not see the girls for the longest time. I was on my own and it felt great. A little part of me misses them so and wonders how college life will be without them by my side. Will it be better? Or not? The possibilities are endless. Sometimes, I wonder if leaving them was the right thing to do... |
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A friend sent me a random text message and I altered some of the words to suit my weirdness: "Betrayer, speak not of your sins..You and this world ripped my fucking heart out..Again and again." How emo. How evil of him to make me remember, haha you know who you are.
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last night's drinking party, I'd be fine. But I didn't like to be, as aya called it, 'taken advantage of' just because I was intoxicated. =( it sucks. Alexander Pope is a painterly writer. Aside from the line used in the film, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' there is another poem that struck me: And whispering angels prompt her golden dreams. For her the unfading rose of Eden blooms, And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes, For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring, For her white virgins hymeneals sing, To sounds of heavenly harps she dies away, And melts in visions of eternal day." |