rain_drop's Aeonity Blog

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rain_drop when i woke up this morning, i started thinking everything was ok~kj-52 - Subscribe

i went to aerobics again yesterday cause it's at church on tues. and thurs. i didn't tell my mom where i was going, just left. i don't know why..just didn't..it's not like it's a big secret or anything. blah. i'm just that way. "bye, i'm leaving" "where ya going?" "out" and that's it..so anyways i got there and more ppl i knew were there. val was there and so was jen...cause she's in a small group with the lady who teaches the aerobics class..2 other ladies from their small group was there too, one of which i've talked with alot lately. so it's kinda weird cause i got all these adults who are kinda my friends. i mean they say hi..they talk to me..i watch their kids..and now i'm going to aerobics with them. i was even told i was going to the easter pageant with em.."as an adult" not being a kid with the kids..hehe..so one of em asked who was going to watch the kids then if i was going to hang out with them..which i thought was so funny, and jen said it's on your own babysitting. so i don't know when they plan on going but they say i am...

anyways, things have been going pretty good lately. the girl's retreat was great. i had alot of fun, even though they put makeup on me and painted my nails, which by the way, i was done scraping it off my nails yesterday. yah, we don't have nail polish remover and i didn't wanna go get any. but when i got back home my parents were fighting..and that continued. and then i got into it with my dad but i ended up calling val before i made myself get all into this depressed funk that i can get into to and so she told me to come over and made me talk about it..which i hate to do..but in the end it's good to just talk about how frustrating my dad can be and stuff. i remember she kept telling me how she can see the changes i've made, she can see things are getting better and that this was just satan's way of trying to attack me and get me down after i finally had a good weekend. i felt alot better after that and when i watched her put her kids to bed they had a case of the giggles...they could not stop laughing about nothing. so that got me laughing and i loved that.

blah. so i've had alot of hw lately. the last math team test was yesterday. and today it was so warm outside...it felt so good. but to bad i had to much hw so i had to be inside doing it. only problem is, that got me on the net and well..not much hw was getting done...or is getting done atm.

so for some reason i just starting thinking about joan of arcadia and how much i miss it..and i've been seaching for pix of it and info about when the second season is supposed to be on dvd. i found the girl who played her, amber tamblyn, wrote a book of poems, it might be interesting to read, and i was just looking to see if she's making any new movies and such. but, geeze, i miss joan of arcadia so much and i wish they would've kept it on. i might have to watch my season 1 dvds again soon. haha i was looking on ebay and i found a pillowcase with joan on it...pretty funny eh?

so what else have i been doing besides hw? well this girl in calculus today knows i made the guy in front of her a myspace so she asked me to make her one too..which i did...i also brought the biblezine michelle gave me awhile back to school and read it when i wasn't doing anything..cause i have so much free time sometimes...that i could be doing my hw then, but i've been reading books so i decided to bring something else to read...um, physics we were lighting food on fire to burn the calories out of it and try to see if we can calculate it using a formula. our answers were way off. guess it really didn't work well. school's so boring. i can’t wait for it to be over with.

anyways i don't know what else i was going to write about...there's just too much i guess...i need to get off and work on hw though. i've been on almost 3 hrs. straight. whooops!

2 Comments
Mood: ok
: Return~karen kingsbury

rain_drop will i still need to run and hide?~seventh day slumber Mar 6th, 2006 2:10:32 am - Subscribe

it's funny..i've been gone practically the whole weekend..but when i'm home on sunday laying down trying to nap..what do i hear? ahh yes, the all too familiar fighting of the parents...so here's what stupid argument they were having today. my dad says he doesn't love us kids cause we never obey him..my mom says he does, he loves all his kids. my dad kept arguing how he doesn't. my mom tells him he SHOULD..and that if we were in jail, he should still love us..then it turned into my mom's fault for him not being able to love us. cause she did something wrong and such to make us not obey him...or like him for that matter...this just continued til they both got very upset.

so friday i was off school so i went over michelle's to hang out and watch riley and blake while she cleaned. it's so much more fun hanging out over there..i notice a difference. it's like more peaceful or something yet, blake cries and screams and gets in trouble for pinching or hiting..or riley gets upset that he has to go to bed..yet there's still this peaceful atmosphere...idk...it's just nice. and then...yeah, get ready for this, after the boys were in bed i watched joan of arcadia with michelle..no, that wasn't the big news..although we did do that. i *talked* to michelle. really talked..i know. the more and more i do it, the easier and easier it becomes. so i told her about counseling, problems i have with the family, antidepressants..yah, all of it. i feel better now too...things are looking up and i am moving on. and i'm talking, but hey i still can't give up on this blogging stuff just cause i'm being able to communicate with people.

i got home at 1 in the morning. i laugh about that..just cause it's funny. i had to prepare my lesson for work and then i went to bed, waking up around 6:45....then going to work. the kid i tutored that day was a little slower than usual since we all hadn't been there in two weeks.

so then sat. after work i went right over to michelle's again..hung out most of the day with the kids and her. it was fun..better than being at home. most anyplace is better than home. *sigh* so we watched another joan at like 11 at night...stayed up til midnight or so and went to bed in her guest bedroom. the bed was nice and comfy..hehe...i woke up in the morning to blake screaming *wake up* in my ear. yah, so i got to experience the *joys of parenting* as everyone calls it..hehe but i like it. i'm exhausted but still i had a fun weekend...

*****pause*****

ok, so i was just about to head to church and well, someone had hit my car. i park it in the grass out front near the mailbox, not on the road..in the grass...and someone must have ran off the road into it and it smashed the bumper into the mailbox..so i couldn't go. it was like 5 min. before church started so i thought about calling someone to pick me up but my mom headed right for the phone talking about how we need to call the police and file a report or something. so they told her to come pick up a hit and run form to fill out..so my mom said that since we can't do anything about it now, i might as well go to chruch. so i backed the car up..and well the bumper part was bent or something, she was afraid it'd rub against the wheel or something. so i couldn't go. by that time it was 10 after 6. which stinks cause i really wanted to go..i wanted to talk to the girls and tell em about my weekend or something...and here's the sad thing about my car being hit. that's the second time someone's done that. we had an old car just like mine a couple years ago parked there and someone ran off the road, smashed into it, and drove off...yah, but that car was totaled. at least mine wasn't. so i thought..how often is it that the same thing will happen again? not often. well i was wrong. but my parents tell me to park it there cause they hate having to let me out all the time or me having to let them out.

so my dad wasn't home cause he and my mom had got in this fight and he drove off somewhere, so when he got home he was telling my mom about my car. my dad went to get a flashlight to go look at it and i stupidly said to my dad *and yah, you weren't even home so i had to miss church* apparently that wasn't the smartest thing for me to say..but i'm just so mad, cause i didn't go last week, i kinda needed to go this week. so i go inside but seconds lately my parents come in arguing again, my dad was blaming my mom for *my comment* to him. idk. so i just rush to my room, my sister's in there. i lock the door but we could still hear them fighting...and pretty soon there's crashing and lots and lots of screaming. i hear my mom yelling at my dad to give her the flashlight or something...and then i hear my dad saying *you didn't have to tackle me to the floor* and after a few min. my mom screams at him *you know it's over, it's been over for a long time..you feel it too* my mom went and shut herself in her room after that. my sister and i started cleaning our room...mostly going through her junk and stuff and throwing it away..cause she saves everything and i knew it'd give her something to do..her and me. i always clean my room when i'm upset.

so that's my life now..things go up and down still..blah..just when things are really high..bam they are back down again. it's like val said last week..satan's just trying to pull you down again..and believe me it's working. just makes me wish the stupid car thing never happened and i could've just gone to church like i planned. but this weekend was still good...all that time away from home..it was the BEST THING EVER...i only wished it had never ended...

2 Comments
Mood: a bit down... :(

rain_drop i feel so exposed..i'm afraid to lose total control~krystal meyers Mar 7th, 2006 4:28:13 am - Subscribe

*hey carlee, you came back again!*

*wanna know why* she asks me. *cause you told me one week that you missed me and to come back, so i did*

*aww, you're so sweet carlee*

---later on---

*you wanna know how much i love you?* she asks while she's sitting there coloring her picure.

*how much?*

*all the way up to heaven and back down again* she makes the movement up and down with her little arms

*aww that's so sweet carlee* i say again.

---still a little later---

*you know i'm 5 now*

*oh you are, so what are you doing in here?*i laugh *silly you, this is the 4 year old classroom*

*i know, but i'm 5 now*

*you know that means you'll have to move up to the 5 year classroom soon*

she runs over to me and hugs me, in a sad voice, *please don't tell anyone i'm 5, i want to stay in here with you forever!*

i didn't know what to say...all these things this little girl was saying to me made me wanna cry...kids can be so sweet sometimes...and so random. i can be talking about one thing like what carlee did the other day and then the next second she's wanting to tell me how much she loves me.

~so that was yesterday at church...didn't have time to write it last night~

anways, it's weird not going to counseling today. not that there are ever weeks that i don't...many times. this week it was her son's one year old birthday.

but knowing in my mind that it's also because i'm going to start going every other week now..it's kinda weird but good at the same time. it's good because it shows that i am progressing first of all, if i don't need to go ever week and it also will be good to start seeing her less now so i'll be ready to move away and go to college. leaving ppl i love will be hard enough, like all those kids...and yah, it'll be tough not to be seeing her anymore too...i mean i've been every week pretty much for like a year and a half. so what did i do today instead??? i slept for almost 3 hrs!!! i didn't get in bed til 1:30 in the morning cause i waited til the last min. to get started on my hw. i had lots of calculus to do and my letter to the reviewer. i couldn't seem to get that right and i really tried but i was too exhausted. but that was my last piece for the portfolio to turn in. the last month and a half has been crazy for me working on these pieces. i have never worked so hard on anything i've ever written. most of the stuff for school i write like i'm writing this blog right now, off the top of my head and stupid teachers give me a high grade cause it's mostly better than what everyone else turns in. hey, we're all good writers we're just really lazy..esp. since school's almost over. anyways portfolios aren't completely done yet, it's just the little things now we're fixing..the simpler things.

i've been feeling a need to blog alot lately and i'm not used to being so busy. but i figured since i got a long nap in today i could take a short break to write a little. i mean, how long does typing all this really take!?! so this is the first time i've got online all day, it was so weird for me. i had so much to check, 11 emails..blah, most of it was junk. myspace messages. oh yes, and then i made the mistake of not putting up an away message and i got bombarded with IMs...not that i'm really that popular.

ppl just need help with hw. or have questions.

tomorrow i'm going to the classroom with T for any after school tutoring...maybe some kids will show up this time. since we get there at like 2:45 and kids, if they show up, won't show up til 5, we got plenty of time to do hw. there's a tv in there so T asked me to bring a movie, i'm bringing little rascals although i'd rather watch one of my scary movies..hmm...i like going there cause i actually get hw done there early while at home i wait til night...like now.

so i'm really going with jen and michelle's small group to the easter pageant. it's still kinda weird that adults keep wanting to hang out with me..yet kids my own age don't. i think it's both ways though. i'd rather hang out with the adults anyways. i think they said march 19. it's a sunday. so it'll just be another night of missing the hs church. which i really look forward to now..compared to before when i'd try to avoid it as much as possible.

i've decided not to go to florida on spring break with kristen. many reasons. mostly cause i tried talking to her about it thinking she'd be all excited and she kinda just blew me off...yah, her boyfriend is going now too. she told me before he wasn't. and i've been around em before and it's not a situation i want to put myself in for an entire week. plus i don't even know if i could stand being around her for the whole week or not anyways. but at least i've tried doing some things with her..like that trip to the mall. but hey, maybe i'll have babysitting or something to do on spring break. the only reason i had thought about going was so that i could get away from my dad an entire week. *sigh* kinda sad right. idk.

ok i better get off now and do my fun homework. i've already spent two nights in a row blogging on here. but hey i love it and i miss it....yes, it just feels so good...having an outlet like this. and i'm getting excited about my one year anniversary with me and this blogger rain_drop...yes, march 19 is the day...it's almost been one year since i joined this site and started my blogging. a whole lot's changed since then. i've even made all my past entries private...mostly because that's just for me to see now, i'm not that girl anymore and i hope and pray i will never go back to that. sure i still have my struggles, this you know, but day by day just the simple task of living gets easier and easier...which reminds me...i haven't touched the phone in awhile..ahh, better get on that huh. *wink*
♥rain_drop

...joan of arcadia...

1 Comments
Mood: worn

rain_drop this is really something good...this is really something good now~aaron sprinkle Mar 9th, 2006 5:31:14 am - Subscribe

so i started my hw really really late...and well, i got halfway done with physics..and that's all i could do. i'm stuck, don't know the rest, i started falling asleep doing it, so i got on the computer to wake up, when i really just need to go to bed and try to do it in school tomorrow. probably latin class. but then i got to blogging. fun fun blogging...

i went for a walk with my mom today before church. our neighbor didn't come with this time, she usually does..so it was just me and my mom. she was talking and stuff and then she just told me that she set up an appointment with a marriage counselor and she and dad are going..it's on a friday, i think march 17? she said. so i guess they're going to give this another shot..idk. it's weird, they're going to the same place i go to. just a different day. hmm...

guess that's all the big news i got now. oh yah, church was great tonight, haven't been to wed. night church in 2 weeks so i was finally glad to be back. 7 kids were in my class...the teacher i work with didn't show up, i guess she told the lady in charge, but the lady in charge was out of town..so there was someone else trying to run the thing..make sure all the safety rules and such are followed. so anyways we were about to skip the big group thing cause they couldn't find the musik until one lady said she'd lead them into songs without musik, so we get over there...and i find the thing of musik. so then they're telling me to pick out some songs to play cause i'd know better than anyone what songs the kids like. so i did. yeah, i figured out how to work the sound system thing and i played 3 songs the kids recognized. the smiles on the adults faces as i *saved the day* haha not really..was great. so i was also up front doing the hand motions for the kids along with a few other ppl..so i was sorta on stage...like i'm supposed to be trying out. what was really great is how all the kids were looking to me to know what to do...just like they would anyone else in front...it was just weird though too cause i'm not used to it...so then i finally found their favorite song, and yes, you can tell by the way they always scream it..so i ended with that and it was great. so i felt really good tonight that i was able to pick musik on the spot for the kids to sing and actually got it to work. so the night was alright after all...and the kids had alot of fun.

oh and i saw michelle tonight and i think i'm going to go over there friday for her to take my senior pix for me..cause i need to get those done, says she...i really don't care but she's willing to take em and i love going over there so...i guess i'll have to call her tomorrow.

brit was on tonight, she IMed me, asked how things were going...which reminded me that i was going to call her soon..just cause...i hate the phone. and yes, that's a reason to call someone..cause maybe using the phone more will make me hate it less. or maybe not....*shrugs*

T and i are planning on going over to the classroom after school tomorrow to study for our many tests on friday...we're just being bombarded with all this work, these tests, and this stupid porfolio..ahh...so i think she's going to ask a few other ppl to come study with us, idk..probably kids from her ap calculus class that i don't know..or don't know well. i'm glad we're doing this cause if i just went home..being me, i wouldn't study til 10 at night or something and then i'd be too tired to remember anything..but i am so sick of school right now. just gotta make it through this week. ahh..and i should get some sleep now..since i know i'm not going to work on homework anymore tonight.

oh i've also been trying to edit this blog thing..just when i think i'm learning all the html formatting junk...i get so confused at trying to work things out..i love the pix in the background of joan of arcadia, i was getting tired of just the plain gray...so now i'm trying to figure out how to move my text over and stuff...welp, maybe i'll get it soon. i am soooo tired....*yawn* night~

1 Comments
Mood: tired

rain_drop someone please save us...us college kids~relient k Mar 10th, 2006 9:04:35 pm - Subscribe

i got into college!

haha..it's not just that..i applied for one college i wanted to go too, a bible college..and i found out yesterday that i've been accepted..so it looks like i'm really going to go away...far far away...for college come fall. and yes, for all you wondering, i am excited and i'm also happy! it's nice to be happy.
♥ rain_drop

12 Comments
Mood: happy