rain_drop's Aeonity Blog

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rain_drop i say i wanna go free but something keeps me bound~John Reuben - Subscribe

i've been on like almost 7 hours already...it's nearly 4 in the morning...yet i'm still awake..usually on friday's i go to bed early, but since i didn't have school....and the funny thing is i woke up at 8 this morning..i get to sleep in and i wake up at 8..it was all good though cause i ended up going to help my mom clean this lady's house and i made $25...so now i'm rich!

it's been so long since i wrote in here..i don't know, haven't felt like thinking lately, like really thinking....typing out my thoughts..i still don't feel like going that deep into it. i think that's why i've been sticking with my xanga and myspace...keeping it light..and happy. although i did type somewhat of a deep post on myspace the other day, i couldn't help it. i was mad..soo...maybe i'll put it here i don't know.

so the point of me saying how long i was on..is to prove that i'm addicted to myspace..cause i've been on that like the whole time. i found a friend generator where i could pick which pix of my friends to put on there, what names they should have, hehe i got to name em! and which ones are displayed on my main page...yeah and i got falling objects now too..it's all great..so great that i haven't had time to try and fix a new template for this thing..but i'm thinking i like the plainess of it too...so i don't know if i'll change it. one day i got sick of my old one so i just changed to the basic one and what do you know, i really liked it!

so i now have a car so i'm supposed to be driving it places..and i do, i went to the library today with my mom, brother, and sister..but i just wanna go somewhere with a friend or something..so again i asked brit..but again she's too busy this weekend, and we even had school off today. kristen has colleges to visit cause of her mother..and thao said she's too busy doing scholarship stuff...essays..filling em out..looking colleges up...she's applied to a ton already it seems like..and here i am..just thinking, it's all going to happen when it happens..i'm so glad i'm not worried about stuff like that..cause i got enough as it is.

so my dad had the night off tonight..and i think he's off all next week too...oh gosh.

i still can't believe i spent all that time on myspace..not only that but i was on a really long time at the library..and then i got on right as i got home...then i took a break, got on again...it's better than going to my room...i'd like to read one of my books, but again...they left me...it's just me and my puter again...afraid to be unattached from it. wow, it is way to late, i don't even understand what i'm typing. i don't even know what i want to say.

i'm mad, confused, lonely, tired...i wish i had some place to go to...i wish parks weren't so freaky...i'd go to one...lay in the grass..and read by the water..ha, maybe i will anyways. wouldn't that be nice..it'd be better if i had a friend to talk to...with me. i wanna go back to where i hate people and never want to hang out with them...cause it hurts worse now...wanting to hang out with someone and not being able to..or just wanting to talk to em, or for them to make an effort to talk to you..instead of just forgetting about you. that's what it seems like. everyone's forgotten about me..i'm the forgotten world i wrote about on my blog on myspace.ha...i knew there had to be a reason i just suddenly started writing something like that..and posting it in such a public spot.

i'm so bored....even musik is boring me. so yeah, here's my update. ok, yet still feeling down....blah...maybe i'll feel like writing more soon..maybe...

oh ok there was something good...someone didn't forget about me...someone actually emailed me first...jen, the preschool director at church emailed me monday asking me if i ever thought about becoming a teacher (i'm only qualified now to help not teach) and that she thought i'd be really good...i surprised myself and responded with a "yes"...funny isn't it, that she asked me, and told me i'd be good, that i decided to do it...or maybe it's cause i've been with the preschool for awhile now..but i remember deborah asking me last year if i was going to become a teacher anytime..and i said i never wanted to do that, that i just liked helping out...so now i'm going to go through training or something...and then i'll be a qualified teacher...well at church. i also figured it was time to do something like that, sorta like stepping out of my comfort zone in the preschool hall....having someone watch me tell bible stories..ahh i'm still not too sure about it..but i'm going to do it...cause that's one thing that's still good and has been good in my life..those kids...

ok i think i better go to bed now..at least now i know i won't have any trouble falling asleep...or thinking about things...i should go right to sleep....

2 Comments
Mood: addicted to the net

rain_drop why do bad things have to happen to good people~bobby bishop Oct 6th, 2005 4:13:38 am - Subscribe

it's the talk of all the seniors all throughout school today...the car wreck involving kayde clo..? from eastern high school...not that you think everyone would talk about him..only that the fact is, he went to our high school freshmen year. it's been 3 years since most of us has seen him..and now he's dead. it's hard to believe..it really is. i never really talked to him, but i still knew him. his locker was beside mine, we sat next to each other in homeroom...i remember he was funny that's about it. i know this guy from church used to be friends with him and they made short movies together, i have one of those tapes..kayde is on there. ahh my mind is so scattered now. in physics today, our teacher asked this guy, devin, what was wrong, said he looked down...he said he was kinda friends with kayde and he had just found out today that he died from the car wreck like many of us found out today. here's the really sad thing about that, that guy, devin, he was in a car wreck himself last year..and he was paralyzed..he is now in a wheelchair...i knew there was a reason i hated driving..things like this really scare me..especially when it happens to ppl i know..or sorta know...it's still such a shock and it's hard to hear ppl talking about it..see the thing was it was a tire blowout that cause the wreck, not anything bad, it's not like they were drinking and drving..it just seems so unfair ya know, they were even wearing their seatbelts...anyways i'm gonna post the story cause it's around midnight and maybe i can get some sleep...

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Fourth victim dies from injuries suffered in crash

A crash caused by a tire blowout on Interstate 265 that killed three high school students claimed a fourth victim on Wednesday.

The crash happened about 2:45 p.m. EDT Tuesday in the southbound lanes near the La Grange Road exit in northeast Jefferson County.

The blowout caused the driver of a Subaru Outback to lose control, skid across the grassy median and into oncoming traffic in the southbound lanes. The Subaru, carrying three Eastern High School students, collided with a vehicle driven by 50-year-old Amy Parmley, of Louisville.

The teens in the Subaru killed in the crash were identified as James Granada-Malave, 17, Justin Cooper, 16, and 18-year-old Kayde Clohessy. Two were seniors and one was a junior at Eastern, said Lauren Roberts, a spokeswoman for the Jefferson County Public Schools.

Parmley was pronounced dead at 11:50 a.m. EDT at University Hospital on Wednesday from internal injuries suffered in the crash, said Walt Elder, a deputy Jefferson County coroner. Parmley had been flown to the hospital after the crash.

Clohessy was driving the red Subaru Outback when the tire blew, police said.

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see there it is...and yet it's still hard to believe...and not only that by i also learned today that this lady i help out with in the preschool hall...her brother drunk himself to death...and last week my youth minister's uncle died...life is full of tradegys..i just chose to be oblivious to it any other day...

3 Comments
Mood: sad
: bobby bishop

rain_drop brr...it's cold outside...everybody looking for the hot new vibe~fresh digress Oct 7th, 2005 10:48:03 pm - Subscribe

i'm so glad this week is over...well this school week. i went to the library today and i finally checked out tapes and dvd's for the first time..hehe...i don't know how old you have to be, but i'm definitely old enough to do that now...so after that my mom had me drive to my school so i'd know where that was and then my friend t's house so i would know..cause next wed. is on demand writing for the seniors and then we go to the auditorium for whoever's participating in the lip sync contest so we watch them..and we get out of school at 1:00...so i'm gonna drive so i can go home..haha..t wants to do something..so we might. i don't know.

today in english we had a contest on our leads in our papers. we got in small groups and we had our leads and thesis statements written on a poster board so we read each others and decided which was the best. my group chose mine...so i had to put in on the board...then the entire class voted on all 6 or so that were up there and narrowed it down to the top three..then the teacher picked the winner...mine didn't win..but it was close..something about my audience not being 100% clear..i don't know..i just wish the rest of my paper was that good..cause i knew my lead was good...but that's the only part i tried on....well it probably was about 5 min...but still...leads don't take that much time...anyways maybe i'll have the motivation to fix it by monday cause i wouldn't want to disappoint my teacher with such a great lead and the rest being horrible....i don't know.

during lunch yesterday megan was talking about her myspace..so i told her to add me...why not? so today she was talking about how my myspace is "so me" with the rap and everything..and then she was talking about my blog and the parts she read..so i'm gonna post it here..so i can explain it...

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...forgotten world...
written by *rain_drop*

THEY are all around you...they surround you at school...YOU pass by them...EVERY single day...they are the ones with the hollow eyes, heads cast downwards, the ones who keep to themselves...yet they also may hide in the shadow of their SMILES...and laughter...they are the ones suffering...the hurting..the LOST...deep down inside they are hurting IMMENSELY from a sickness far greater than anyone will ever know..NOR do many seem to understand...you see them ALL the time, yet you are OBLIVIOUS to the fact that you are in their presence and CAN do something to help them...YOU ignore them....YOU avoid them...they make YOU feel uncomfortable...or maybe they’re your BEST friend and you don’t even know how much they are suffering...any time you talk it’s ALL ABOUT YOU, you COMPLAIN constantly and they sit there...nod their head...and try to help you with a fake smile plastered on their face...yet they NEED help themselves and YOU don’t take enough time to concern yourself with their problems...to even ASK them what’s happening in their own life...you know who i’m talking about..you’ve all seen them...most of them are easy to find, they stick out like a SORE THUMB when all they are trying to do is become invisible to the world around them...the world of pain they live in...day AFTER day...you could be the person to change their life...but will you? or will you just SINK back into the crowd and try to convince yourself that nothing’s wrong...SOMEBODY ELSE can help them, rescue them from the world of MISERY they live in...when in fact that very person might be YOU?

I AM so SICK of finding hurting people on the internet....there are MILLONS of them..and they all get together and throw one big pity party online....no one knows about their life except their online friends...they share their deepest SECRETS...hurts...PAIN...fears...but they also ENCOURAGE each other that starving themselves to get skinny is the RIGHT thing to do...that CUTTING will help heal their EMOTIONAL pain...that SUICIDE is the best option because it’s better than living with the deep pain inside them from rejection......loneliness...pain...desolation...or maybe they FEEL like they don’t even DESERVE to live...that their SINS are too large...too dreadful...but they UNITE in their sadness and pain...so WHERE are we? why is it that they can find others like themselves that seem to care more about them then the REAL friends they SHOULD HAVE around them...does ANYBODY see ANYTHING wrong with this? sure we live in a screwed up world full of hurts and disappointments...but we still NEED to reach out and help those who are hurting...to show them that there is a BRIGHTER tomorrow...that one day all this WILL pass...someday we might need some HELP ourselves...do we want to be the ones IGNORED...left out...ALL alone? or would we want SOMEONE reaching out their HAND and offering to help US through our TOUGH times...to comfort us....to be a FRIEND? in the end...you are the only one who can decide...i just hope YOU can recognize these people the next time they may PASS you by....and give them some hope...something to LIVE for...

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so i wrote it to sound..i don't know...to "appear" to make ppl aware of others who are hurting and such in school....and well, the truth was..i was just mad that day..and i felt like blogging about it on there..what ppl don't know, is i am one of those kids...that was me..or sorta..and well, i just felt so smart at disguising the fact...you see, i write the best when it's personal and about me...maybe that's why my lead was so easy...i was writing about obesity in children..but i started off about a lonely girl not participating in recess....and parts of that girl i could identify with, not the obesity, but the loneliness..and the isolation from ppl....i never did like kickball....this girl didn't either...see? but anyways, i never get the chance for other ppl to read this personal writing..unless i really trust em i guess and don't care to let them know what's really going on..so that was kinda my way of getting my words out there, without screaming "this is me" and such...and i don't know..i just got really carried away with it...

and then this girl verified how good i was...haha....she said i loved that part "i'm so sick of finding hurting ppl on the internet"....if only she knew though...that's the way those kids express themselves..that's the way i express myself...the fact is, i am the one who's sick of hurting..and tons of ppl out there are hurting you just don't know, ppl just like me, that i am aware of..i just don't know who..that's what i wanted to tell her...that they are around you right now...i guess she didn't get the whole point..i don't know..but i was about to tell her that...so i'm telling her that here....on the internet...how nice is that...or whatever...

on the other side of school...ugh...i got a "D" on my government test...i hate government...so i didn't start this six weeks off so well..i don't know how i got an "A" in there last grading period but i did...and i actually studied for that test...and in calculus wednesday...i cried...not about the calculus, i love math, we just weren't doing anything in there, i had my hw finished...and i was just sitting there thinking (thinking is dangerous) and the next thing i knew, tears were prickling my eyes..and i couldn't help it..so i laid my head down on my desk and i cried....of course then i had to keep my head down the rest of class...and try to hide what i was doing...i just hope no one noticed me..but then who am i kidding? nobody notices me anyways....unless i'm rapping and annoying them. oh yeah, and last night i tried to go to bed earlier...like by 11..but then i couldn't just fall asleep when i hit the pillow like usual...and i started crying...so i cried myself to sleep...and it felt so good...i just haven't seem to get "better" after the last time i hurt myself..i've been in this emotional funk...when i'm by myself..but yet i can still pass off as "happy" when i'm around ppl...it's like two different extremes...but i really do feel happy when i'm around some ppl...i don't feel like i'm pretending then...only hiding something...

but our latin teacher's finally back..so that's good....and i got 3 A's and 3 B's on my report card...hmmm, school's so much harder this year...and physics...i'm kinda sick of that already..we're gonna have to do this big project of designing something for the chorus play to make the wicked witch fly..without the thing being seen...so it has to look like she's floating in the air....and we have to design it and everything...but it's not going to be due til january so there's no need to worry bout that now..i just don't see why we would have to do something like that, it's not a broadway play..and we are in high school...whatever, he says this is what we'll have to do if we become engineers..but i don't plan to do that. so...

i guess that's all for now...just felt like writing about my day...i'm hungry now..gonna eat some soup! yum...oh yeah, it's cold outside! soup sounds good...til then~

3 Comments
Mood: relieved that it's friday!
: bobby bishop~!

rain_drop ok, back up--ur too close~la symphony Oct 9th, 2005 1:26:27 am - Subscribe

~oooh another update so soon~

and btw..the lyrics, how i feel..back up...ur too close...yup...whatever...

so did you notice you can subscribe to blogs now? wow, it's becoming more and more like xanga everyday....but all these new things...i'd rather not have if only i could get emoblog back...i miss that name..i still can't pronounce this name....but i got better news..

I GOT MY LA SYMPHONY CD IN THE MAIL TODAY!!!!!! it's awesome..it's like one of their beginning albums or something, i don't know...i haven't really listened to their newer stuff, i mean this is the first cd of theirs that i have...but ahh, i can't believe i finally got it..you couldn't find this cd in the christian bookstore..well maybe the bigger one but i don't remember seeing it..so what's so great about "composition number 1?" it's got two of the songs i loved from the radio when they used to play this stuff on the radio on sat nights like 3 years ago or so....and i know i have parts of em on tape somewhere when i recorded it..but i mostly remember just by me singing..ahh it's so much better with musik to sing along with....and plus i really like la symp's old stuff cause that's when pigeon john was part of it, and he's awesome...i mean, just his name is awesome enough..maybe i'll finally get one of his cds too next.....anyways...this song is the whole reason i bought this cd~

"this the type of musik when we go to san diego
with your little crew in the black winnebago
sippin on a soda with your CREAM CHEESE BAGEL
this the type of musik when we go to san diego"

ahh what a great song...the reason i got the cd in the first place...

so i've been getting alot of cds lately it seems...haha...i love musik...oh i did drive to thao's today...on the way there i dropped off the library books for my mom, i wish i would have had time to look for some books but i had to go. so then thao came with me and showed me how to get to the place we were going. on saturdays her, her mom, and some other ppl run this class thing to teach children vietnamese...so i came to help out. not help them learn vietnamese cause i don't, just help handle em and stuff..like when thao was working one on one with trying to help this little girl, i kept the other kids busy drawing pictures...it was fun. i love her little brother, hehe he's four years old..he's so adorable...and then there were this other two girls there that really seemed to like me, one of em gave me a huge hug before she left and said bye in vietnamese..at least that's what i'm guessing it was..hehe..how come little kids aren't afraid of people....at all...i mean they don't even know me, yet they aren't afraid to talk to me, or hug me...yet here i am, afraid of talking to ppl, getting angry or upset, or just afraid of getting close to one day have them walk away from me...it's crazy..maybe i'll go help out again..so then i drove thao home and went home myself..and i made it! i didn't get lost..so it was good my mom showed me where to go, but i'm learning.

so i stayed up late last night even though i was exhausted cause i was just so into editing this...i got tired of my old one, so i reverted to the simple one..and then i didn't have much time to edit this...so i found this picture on a xanga skin, in fact it's still on my xanga now..but i won't keep it there much longer, cause i like to try and edit my own...but i figured i'm just using the pix on here so that's ok...i kinda like the shades of gray...but perfect said it's hard to read the text..so maybe i'll try finding a lighter shade of blue, or making the gray lighter..i don't know..i can read it fine on mine and that's what matter's right?

i really have nothing else i feel like writing now...though there's alot of junk going through my mind...but i wanted to write about my great cd i got and i really wish i could listen to it now..but lately on sat. nights from 9-11 wjie has sorta my kinda musik on..sometimes there's rap but it's mostly like rock stuff....but i know alot of the songs..it'll never be like u-turn radio but it's ok. and i've gotta listen to that and then i'll get back to my sweet cd..tomorrow's sunday~!

4 Comments
Mood: in luv with the musik~!
: radio and then la symp crew

rain_drop i'm lost for words...i'm at a loss to tell you what i need~krystal meyers Oct 10th, 2005 3:09:14 am - Subscribe

ok, i'm supposed to be revising my paper but i knew i wouldn't do it..not only that, but it's horrible..i just felt like blogging instead..and writing some real writing that i like.

so i went out after church again..the second time..we went to buckhead's...i didn't eat again cause food is too expensive when i can get it at home for free..haha..so i played with adrian's phone most of the time, taking pix of ppl and random things..the one i took of the plates was the best one..no wait, the pepper was the best one..hehe and i figured out how to text message so i was sending this funny pix of me to ppl...but i hafta to say, IM is a whole lot easier than text messaging..it's so much faster..typing instead of pushing the numbers over and over til you get to the right one.

this morning hayden made sure to tell me many times about his birthday party he was having after church...he turned 5 yesterday. his mom told another worker that hayden just loves me..she's said that to me before..he's the wildest kid in the group of kids i'm with, always pulling me to play with him, he's real loud and full of energy..but it's great. kids are great....i know i've said this many times but they are.

so back to tonight, i appeared to have a pretty good time, i was talking i was laughing and perhaps i was..i don't know...but the moment i got into the car to leave...i was sad..why does this happen? at least it's not around ppl as much anymore..at least they can think i'm happier now...but yeah, i didn't want to come home. i really wanted to talk to brit and tell her i was sorry for getting mad but she had to go to the hospital cause she passed out from shutting her finger in the door at the gas station. i feel so bad. i wonder if she's home now or not.

so the usual happened this weekend....i cried...don't know bout what but i needed to...so i did what i always do...i laid on my floor in my room and let the tears fall...i don't know what's up lately, things are going ok too...yet every weekend..this...and now i'm ok..i think.

ok now i'm just confused..i'm tired..i don't wanna work on this paper or any of my other homework..and maybe i won't. maybe i'll just go to bed..but i won't be able to stop thinking of brit and how bad i feel for getting so mad at her for nothing. it's just the things she brought up and the way she kept questioning me felt like she was accusing me of something. i mean, it's like she didn't believe that i have changed cause look i'm still depressed..and maybe she's right..maybe i'm just going around in circles..maybe i'm not really getting any better.

ahh i know i'm skipping around alot but just that talk we had got me to thinking about what i want to do..and maybe i really don't want to go to jbc and be around kids the rest of my life, as much as i love em, maybe i don't really want to do it or maybe i won't be good..i don't know. maybe i won't be able to change enough to actually want to learn more from the bible and be able to stand all thoses classes...but i can't think of anything else i'd want to do. ok i think i'm done now. errrr

7 Comments
Mood: confused