i'm so glad this week is over...well this school week. i went to the library today and i finally checked out tapes and dvd's for the first time..hehe...i don't know how old you have to be, but i'm definitely old enough to do that now...so after that my mom had me drive to my school so i'd know where that was and then my friend t's house so i would know..cause next wed. is on demand writing for the seniors and then we go to the auditorium for whoever's participating in the lip sync contest so we watch them..and we get out of school at 1:00...so i'm gonna drive so i can go home..haha..t wants to do something..so we might. i don't know.

today in english we had a contest on our leads in our papers. we got in small groups and we had our leads and thesis statements written on a poster board so we read each others and decided which was the best. my group chose mine...so i had to put in on the board...then the entire class voted on all 6 or so that were up there and narrowed it down to the top three..then the teacher picked the winner...mine didn't win..but it was close..something about my audience not being 100% clear..i don't know..i just wish the rest of my paper was that good..cause i knew my lead was good...but that's the only part i tried on....well it probably was about 5 min...but still...leads don't take that much time...anyways maybe i'll have the motivation to fix it by monday cause i wouldn't want to disappoint my teacher with such a great lead and the rest being horrible....i don't know.

during lunch yesterday megan was talking about her myspace..so i told her to add me...why not? so today she was talking about how my myspace is "so me" with the rap and everything..and then she was talking about my blog and the parts she read..so i'm gonna post it here..so i can explain it...

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...forgotten world...
written by *rain_drop*

THEY are all around you...they surround you at school...YOU pass by them...EVERY single day...they are the ones with the hollow eyes, heads cast downwards, the ones who keep to themselves...yet they also may hide in the shadow of their SMILES...and laughter...they are the ones suffering...the hurting..the LOST...deep down inside they are hurting IMMENSELY from a sickness far greater than anyone will ever know..NOR do many seem to understand...you see them ALL the time, yet you are OBLIVIOUS to the fact that you are in their presence and CAN do something to help them...YOU ignore them....YOU avoid them...they make YOU feel uncomfortable...or maybe they’re your BEST friend and you don’t even know how much they are suffering...any time you talk it’s ALL ABOUT YOU, you COMPLAIN constantly and they sit there...nod their head...and try to help you with a fake smile plastered on their face...yet they NEED help themselves and YOU don’t take enough time to concern yourself with their problems...to even ASK them what’s happening in their own life...you know who i’m talking about..you’ve all seen them...most of them are easy to find, they stick out like a SORE THUMB when all they are trying to do is become invisible to the world around them...the world of pain they live in...day AFTER day...you could be the person to change their life...but will you? or will you just SINK back into the crowd and try to convince yourself that nothing’s wrong...SOMEBODY ELSE can help them, rescue them from the world of MISERY they live in...when in fact that very person might be YOU?

I AM so SICK of finding hurting people on the internet....there are MILLONS of them..and they all get together and throw one big pity party online....no one knows about their life except their online friends...they share their deepest SECRETS...hurts...PAIN...fears...but they also ENCOURAGE each other that starving themselves to get skinny is the RIGHT thing to do...that CUTTING will help heal their EMOTIONAL pain...that SUICIDE is the best option because it’s better than living with the deep pain inside them from rejection......loneliness...pain...desolation...or maybe they FEEL like they don’t even DESERVE to live...that their SINS are too large...too dreadful...but they UNITE in their sadness and pain...so WHERE are we? why is it that they can find others like themselves that seem to care more about them then the REAL friends they SHOULD HAVE around them...does ANYBODY see ANYTHING wrong with this? sure we live in a screwed up world full of hurts and disappointments...but we still NEED to reach out and help those who are hurting...to show them that there is a BRIGHTER tomorrow...that one day all this WILL pass...someday we might need some HELP ourselves...do we want to be the ones IGNORED...left out...ALL alone? or would we want SOMEONE reaching out their HAND and offering to help US through our TOUGH times...to comfort us....to be a FRIEND? in the end...you are the only one who can decide...i just hope YOU can recognize these people the next time they may PASS you by....and give them some hope...something to LIVE for...







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so i wrote it to sound..i don't know...to "appear" to make ppl aware of others who are hurting and such in school....and well, the truth was..i was just mad that day..and i felt like blogging about it on there..what ppl don't know, is i am one of those kids...that was me..or sorta..and well, i just felt so smart at disguising the fact...you see, i write the best when it's personal and about me...maybe that's why my lead was so easy...i was writing about obesity in children..but i started off about a lonely girl not participating in recess....and parts of that girl i could identify with, not the obesity, but the loneliness..and the isolation from ppl....i never did like kickball....this girl didn't either...see? but anyways, i never get the chance for other ppl to read this personal writing..unless i really trust em i guess and don't care to let them know what's really going on..so that was kinda my way of getting my words out there, without screaming "this is me" and such...and i don't know..i just got really carried away with it...

and then this girl verified how good i was...haha....she said i loved that part "i'm so sick of finding hurting ppl on the internet"....if only she knew though...that's the way those kids express themselves..that's the way i express myself...the fact is, i am the one who's sick of hurting..and tons of ppl out there are hurting you just don't know, ppl just like me, that i am aware of..i just don't know who..that's what i wanted to tell her...that they are around you right now...i guess she didn't get the whole point..i don't know..but i was about to tell her that...so i'm telling her that here....on the internet...how nice is that...or whatever...

on the other side of school...ugh...i got a "D" on my government test...i hate government...so i didn't start this six weeks off so well..i don't know how i got an "A" in there last grading period but i did...and i actually studied for that test...and in calculus wednesday...i cried...not about the calculus, i love math, we just weren't doing anything in there, i had my hw finished...and i was just sitting there thinking (thinking is dangerous) and the next thing i knew, tears were prickling my eyes..and i couldn't help it..so i laid my head down on my desk and i cried....of course then i had to keep my head down the rest of class...and try to hide what i was doing...i just hope no one noticed me..but then who am i kidding? nobody notices me anyways....unless i'm rapping and annoying them. oh yeah, and last night i tried to go to bed earlier...like by 11..but then i couldn't just fall asleep when i hit the pillow like usual...and i started crying...so i cried myself to sleep...and it felt so good...i just haven't seem to get "better" after the last time i hurt myself..i've been in this emotional funk...when i'm by myself..but yet i can still pass off as "happy" when i'm around ppl...it's like two different extremes...but i really do feel happy when i'm around some ppl...i don't feel like i'm pretending then...only hiding something...

but our latin teacher's finally back..so that's good....and i got 3 A's and 3 B's on my report card...hmmm, school's so much harder this year...and physics...i'm kinda sick of that already..we're gonna have to do this big project of designing something for the chorus play to make the wicked witch fly..without the thing being seen...so it has to look like she's floating in the air....and we have to design it and everything...but it's not going to be due til january so there's no need to worry bout that now..i just don't see why we would have to do something like that, it's not a broadway play..and we are in high school...whatever, he says this is what we'll have to do if we become engineers..but i don't plan to do that. so...

i guess that's all for now...just felt like writing about my day...i'm hungry now..gonna eat some soup! yum...oh yeah, it's cold outside! soup sounds good...til then~