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aleaffalls Medical School Dropout? - Subscribe
Lately, there have been a lot of discussion surrounding an article written by Amy Chua in the Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Asian Mothers Are Superior".

This article, along with many other factors, has made me rethink the career path that I'm on. I always tell my friends, "Don't choose a career because of the money or because you want somebody other than yourself to be proud of you." But... have I not been taking to my own advice this whole time?

With each day that pass, I find that I lose the motivation and drive to attend class, study, or put in any effort. But school is expensive. Four years of undergrad and four more years of medical school. So far, I have $42,000 worth of debt. By the time I finish, I will have accumulated a total of $150,000 - not including interest. That is a scary amount; I can't bring myself to think about it. Of course, money isn't the reason I'm questioning myself.

I guess the main cause of my doubt is that I don't feel like I am learning in medical school. I went to class, studied, and did everything I needed to. But when people ask me a question pertaining to something I learned 3 months ago, my mind goes blank. Heck, if they ask something about what I learned last week, I don't know. Isn't that a scary thought? That a medical student, someone who will eventually have a huge impact on your life, can't retain any information? If I were anyone else, I wouldn't want me to be their doctor, or a doctor at all. How am I supposed to save people and think on my toes when I can barely remember to water my plant or pay my credit card bills.

I have a deep desire to help people, to make an impact, to leave a lasting impression. But am I meant to do that by being a doctor? There are plenty of careers out there that does that on a daily basis! Nurses, teachers, even event planners!

I have spent my whole life with my head in the books, studying and trying hard to make my parents proud. When I applied to medical school, I told myself that I was doing it because its what I wanted, not because of my parents. But now I'm not so sure.
I feel like I'm in the movie Inception and I am doing something that I don't want to do, but don't know it.

There are two scenarios that could possibly be my future.
1. I keep on going with medical school. Graduate in 3 years. Do my residency for say... 5 years. I'd be 30 then. Work hard to pay of my debt, which, by then, would probably be in the $170,000 - $200,000 ballpark due to interest. How long would that take me to pay off? Five to seven years if I'm very diligent and still live like a poor college student. Lets say it takes me 6 years, by then, I'll be 36. Still young enough to go back to school and do something else? Possibly.

But what if I quit now?

So here goes scenario #2. I drop out and am $42,000 in debt. I take my Microbiology degree and get a lowly lab tech job that pays no more than $30,000 a year. It'd take my (minus living expenses + interest) ~7 years to pay off my debt. What then? I'd always dream of owning my own business of... whatever. But what money would I use to do that? The ones growing in my tree in my backyard? Unlikely!

So I guess the real question is: Can one be happy in a career they don't think is meant for them that is time-consuming but also rewarding?
0 Comments
Mood: unsure

misty_rain Converting the Sahara to a leafy refuge Sep 4th, 2010 3:01:18 pm - Subscribe
I was thinking another day about the Sahara desert, and other deserts, especially deserts not so far from a west coast. And I was wondering how they could be transformed into green amazonias covered in vegetation, and then later have old-growth trees, and canopy-type rainforests. So I came up with an idea and a theory.

And my theory was this: That a desert cannot perpetuate a forest because of the glare. The glare causes dry air. And the dry air conducts heat very well. Then greens have a hard time growing because the heat spikes dehydrate the foliage. What they need is a cuddly cloud of humidity to protect them from the noonday heat.

So I thought about the misting machines they have in the summer in theme parks, to keep the people cool. And I thought that machines like that could be used to keep the greens cool too. And I was certain that agribusiness has already been using that technology. And the next thing I thought of was canopy shade, and wick watering.

And I began to wonder, how large must a forest be (because a forest generates its own mist and humidity); how large must a forest be before it can begin to overtake the surrounding baked-clay and wilted grass terrain?

Especially if that forest is located on a west coast?

I imagined people in flip-flops and khaki shorts raising a hemp or nylon net. Planting aggressive leafy vines to cover the net and provide shade. Wick watering young trees (especially trees that pump humidity into the air). Using misting machines at edges or windbreaks. Measuring the growth (or shrink) of the forest. And finding that equilibrium point. The point where the forest could perpetuate itself.

After I thought about all that, I became certain that it already had been done. That people already knew how much forest it takes. And that the real enemy of the forest, on a west coast especially, is people: people with axes and chain saws, people with plows and hoes, people with mortar and bricks.

Can a new rainforest be started that will delve into the Sahara desert? Won't life be better for future generations on earth if greenery covers former deserts? Cannot food-producing plants be found that thrive in a jungle environment? Surely land doesn't have to be cleared to produce food for its people?
0 Comments
Mood: just wondering
: Governments FORMERLY feared that they could not control forested areas

broknangel The Truth. Jun 27th, 2010 4:36:43 am - Subscribe
This is the truth.

My life hasn't been an easy one. In everything I've struggled, and at every turn I come under the scrutiny of my family. The judgement. Why am I not better than who I am? The truth? They couldn't handle. The people I've lived with. The things I've dealt with? Sometimes even I don't even want to know.

I stopped "Living" at home when I was about 15. Everything I owned was still there, but I had license, and friends, and things with my family were going downhill. So i just stopped living there. It started with staying at a mates. for two or three weeks at a time. Sometimes more. I would come home for a week, and go away for four. I suppose it didn't help that I had quit school.

I turned 16. I got a job, and a car. I started housesitting. My grandparents went away when my grandfather was having chemo. I housesat. For six months. Bought my own food. etc. Everything. I guess I got the taste. By 16 I was a regular smoker, and I certainly wasn't a stranger to alcohol. My family? Back of my mind. Coming from a strong christian upbringing, i was breaking free... and in all the wrong ways.

At 17 I got myself a really good job in the town over from mine. I got on really well with the people I worked with, and soon moved in with a workmate, sleeping on a mattress in the living room for 3 months. Chain smoking, smoking pot, and drinking was a daily occurance.

Not long after my 18th birthday I moved into my first official flat. I was living with a girl. Lets call her "Sarah"... She seemed pretty cool, and in fact we got on like a house on fire. All her friends were straight away my friends, and I even began to call her mother "mum". Unfortunately the financial pressures of having a big house for just the two of us started to kick in and we decided to find another flatmate. A guy moved into the two bedroom sleepout outside, lets call him "Joe". He was straight. I mean so straight, I actually thing he might have been gay. His parents were rich, and constantly gave him everything he needed. I soon found out that "Joe" like "Sarah" was BiPolar. Neither of them felt like having a job, so both of them spunged off the government. It was alright to start with. I would get up at 6, be at work at 7, finish work at 5, and have tea, and go to bed. On the weekends we would get on the piss, and go out town. We started having parties. The parties were epic. To start with. They wen't downhill. The people got seedier and seedier, there were burns all over the carpets, from dropping spotting knives, the ceilings, once white, were now kind of brown from all the smoking, and there was rubbish everywhere, and there was NOTHING I could do about it. Of course during this time I had met "David".

It all came to a head when "Sarah" got particularly mental and I announced I was moving out. She went bitchy on me and psycho, and I hurriedly moved in with "David".

BAD MOVE!.

Everything was fine in the start. I lived with him, and in the house also lived his sister and her fiancee, and a friend of theirs. We all got on really well, and we all liked each other, and we had some amazing parties. Unlike parties at my old flat, the property was never damaged. There was no drugs, and there was no fights. It was great. Unfortunately I had got really sick, and lost my job, and was regularly having seizures. This i know put a lot of stress on "David". He got his dream job back in the town I had just moved from, and we moved back. We moved into a flat with two girls that just seemed awesome when we met them. Turns out its because they were drugged up to their gills. It gets worse.

Not only did they do every drug known to man, but the dealt half of it as well. We had parties. (come to think of it now, our partying was probably half the problem). The night never ended well, and within a couple of months, after only a year and a bit together, "david" and I broke up, caused, in part, by "Sarah", who I had tried to be-friend once again, who aparently was more interested in "david" than me. The day we broke up my best friend moved me into her house. Me and my cat Kiera, who I had gotten just after I moved in with "david" thrived in the new environment, and despite being heartbroken, and regularly taking way to many sleeping pills with wine, Things started to look up.

I was going out 4 nights a week, getting home trashed at 4am, sleeping til 3pm, and starting all over again. I was still sick, but i was improving. Christmas came and "David" and I started talking. we had both come to the decision that there was nobody else and on new years we got back together. at the same time I was well enough to start work, and i started looking for a job. Unfortunately my relationship with my best friend was deteriorating due to our rediculously different personalities constantly being shoved together, so I also started to look for a new place to live. I got a job and moved out in the same week.

I moved in with an older lady. I decided that if I wanted a more relaxed situation, then I would need to live with someone more mature. Not long after I moved in she announced she was a lesbian and her partner was moving in. I was slightly weirded out, but I was alright with it. Drugs re-rared their ugly head. The partner was a heavy pot smoker. Well I don't know why, but one day, six months later, the partner decided she didn't like me living there, and the lady asked me to move out. So i looked, and advertised for something LONG TERM. I was sick of moving. I was sick of uprooting my cat! Every time she got comfortable in a situation we would be moved on.

I found a place. It seemed nice. The guy was lovely, he had four daughters, and it was an enormous old house. I had my own entrance, my own carpark, my own bathroom/toilet, and the kitchen was right outside my bedroom. It wasn't to be. First of all the girlfriend turned out to be psycho, and came to me in the middle of night whenever they two of them had a fight, and the kids turned out to be demons!. They would use my toilet, and not flush it, and use all my shampoo, conditioner, bodywash etc. And once again, he constantly smoked weed.

When he started being awful to my cat, then I started getting uncomfortable, and it got to the stage where I was sneaking out first thing in the morning before anyone got up, and coming home extremely late at night when I was sure they were all in bed. I was terrified of seeing him. I was terrified that something would happen to my cat, and I was exhausted. For three months.

My best friend and her mother came to me and asked me to move back in. They love me, they trust me, and they hated their new flatmate. They were going away for 9 months and didn't trust him not to steal everything. So i moved in, and they left. A few weeks later he moved out. A couple of weeks later, i got a new kitten.

Now my life is good. I live alone. I have my cat and kitten to keep each other company when I'm working, and I see "david" regularly. I don't have to clean up after anyone, hide when people come to the door, or pay other peoples bills.

Finally. I'm in a place where I don't need to be ashamed.

And "david" and I are celebrating our 3 YEAR anniversary next week. happy.gif
0 Comments
Mood: burned-out
: So Cold - Breaking Benjamin

misty_rain Dear Fund Manager Mar 20th, 2010 9:38:49 am - Subscribe
Dear Fund Manager,

It's very important to me that I don't invest my money in any companies that:

Exploit child labor
Destroy rainforest
Transact in diamonds or heavy metals
Produce or market tobacco products
Engage in paramilitary action or support
Use large tracts of land in areas where people are deed illiterate
Demonstrate putting profits before non-violence
Use imperial roughness on the locals

I definitely want to be informed of whether my dollars are going towards progress or oppression and destruction. The whole idea of the fund is that you hold my dollars for long periods of time. That's why it's super important to me to know what you are doing with them.

Sincerely,
misty_rain


PS misty_rain encourages you to write your fund manager a short letter about things you care about
0 Comments
Mood: animated
: email works too

misty_rain From Wobbly to Fit: a personal journey of triumph and tears Dec 21st, 2009 12:40:58 pm - Subscribe
1. Walk every day.
2. Swim twice a week.
3. Train to strength, never to injury.
a. This means if it hurts, you must stop.
b. Baby your knees.
c. Protect your respiratory system.
d. Take care of anything that is a minor or actual injury.
e. Modify Modify Modify every exercise and every program to your strengths and weaknesses. Never do an exercise that hurts just because some leader said so. Modify the exercise so that you can do it comfortably. Encourage yourself that soon you will be modifying exercises to make them harder, since you are so fit the instructor isn’t even challenging you.
f. Engage in low impact exercises.
g. Start any exercise program slowly, ramping up the difficulty only after you are certain you can complete it without pain or discomfort to your heartbeat.
4. Eat raw vegetables for snacks.
a. Up to two snacks between meals.
b. A snack portion should be what could fit in your right hand if the thumb touches the first knuckles of the middle and ring fingers.
c. If desired, use one of your snacks half an hour before a meal to cut your appetite.
5. Learn the difference between gustatory and natural appetite and use it to your advantage.
a. Try eating low sodium. This will decrease your gustatory appetite.
b. Having a multi-varied meal increases your gustatory appetite. Try having potato only (no butter!) for one meal, and just beans for the next.
c. If you stay off the ketchup and dipping sauce, you’ll probably consume a lot less.
d. Certain foods like curry, or couscous with meat sauce, really appeal to the gustatory appetite. For this reason, have small portions of those foods.
e. Learn the signals of natural appetite.
f. Train yourself to stop eating when the natural appetite is satisfied.
6. Cut out Soda Pop and Potato Chips altogether, and minimize your Cheese intake.
7. Diet Soda makes you fat. Don’t drink Diet Soda.
8. The easiest place to say no is the supermarket. Once you have cheesy treats in your home, you will probably consume them.
9. Switch to whole grain foods.
10. Take multivitamins so that hunger will not be caused by mineral deficits.
11. Break the “I need you / I hate you” emotional cycle with food.
a. Realize that food is fuel, and you should only take what you need.
b. Realize that Michael Phelps eats your daily calorie intake for breakfast.
c. Realize that you are not Michael Phelps, and that you could afford to cut back your intake.
d. Find ways to find emotional satisfaction in at home activities that do not involve food. Examples may be video games, gardening, chess, authorship, or craftsmanship. (TV doesn’t count.)
12. Food is an emotional item for you.
a. Make it your goal to transition it to a utility item.
b. This (and exercise) is the one big difference between fit people and wobbly people.
13. If you feel like breaking your commitment, and you’re absolutely going to binge, eat half a banana instead. SLOWLY!
a. Cut it up into cubes and use a toothpick if you have to.
b. Once you eat the banana, take a walk. (Yes, this is absolutely necessary. Do not eat a banana and sit down again.)
c. If you come back from your walk and you still want to eat, WORK OUT. Yes, I said WORK OUT.
14. Find the after work-out buzz, and live there.
15. Eating oats in the morning does wonders for your digestive system, and your cholesterol!
16. Try eating breakfast cereal with water instead of milk. It takes exactly one week to adjust to the taste difference.
17. Once in a while, try eating with chopsticks. This forces you to take smaller bites.
18. Listen to your Coach.
19. Get a notebook and make notes. Don’t log food. Log feelings. Note tips. Make plans. Treat this as a class you have to use all your intelligence and all your faculties for. (Please take me seriously. Go out and B-U-Y a notebook specifically for this purpose.)
20. Read your notes every two weeks.
21. Take a picture of you in shorts and a T-shirt EVERY MONTH.
a. Stand in a 36” wide doorframe when you take the picture.
b. Take one picture where you are facing forward.
c. Take one picture of your profile while your back and head are pressed against one side of the doorframe, your nose and belly button pointing to the other side of the doorframe, with your belly relaxed.
d. Print the picture out in 10” size within five days of taking it. Don’t crop out the door frame.
e. Fix your picture into section 2 of your notebook and refer to your photo history whenever you read your notes and whenever you refresh your goals in your mind.
22. Understand that this is not a program.
23. Understand that you are never going back.
24. Understand that you are going to make life-style changes that will serve you for the next twenty years.
25. Touch your toes in the morning.
26. Make it your goal to be able to see your feet while standing up straight.
27. Make it your goal to be less wobbly each week.
28. Your lack of motility may embarrass you. Turn this to your advantage by making your wobbly state a motivation to get fitter and fitter each week.
29. Take a beginner class in yoga.
a. Modify everything, and have a few exercises that you substitute for the hardest ones.
b. If they ask you to meditate, meditate on a favorite scripture verse, on the names of the Lord, or on a goal that you have.
30. Dropping your knees to do pushups is acceptable. Leaving your butt in the air isn’t. Keep your back straight.
31. Yes, you have to do pushups.
32. When you set goals, make sure they are valid goals.
a. Start with a statement : “I would like to work out more.”
b. Steady your aim for precision: “I would like to swim more.”
c. Add it to your schedule: “I would like to swim for 45 minutes on Tuesdays and Thursdays (starting at 6:30 PM).”
d. Add a timeframe to your goal: “ I would like to swim for 45 minutes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, (starting at 6:30 PM), three weeks of the month for “X” months… (or until my cholesterol goes down to “X” level…) (or until I feel healthy enough to play tennis again.)
e. Your goal is now clear enough, so write it down in one sentence to two paragraphs.
f. You can choose to tell people about your goal at this point.
g. You may even ask certain people to check with you to see if you are keeping your plan.
h. Use a checklist, or your calendar, to track when you actually train.
i. Write a small summary of your workouts below each month’s doorframe photo. Sample: “Walked 1.5 miles 20 times this month. Went swimming 6 times this month. Cut back my desserts to one slice of cheesecake per week. Ate only raw vegetables for snacks.”
j. Sometimes you will make a goal that is reasonable and not be motivated. You have to find motivated people to listen to, or you have to find your own reasons to be motivated. The doorframe photos should help.
k. Reevaluate your goals every month. Are they challenging enough? Are they helping you meet your objectives? Do they put you around people you want to be spending time around?
l. Do not reevaluate when you are feeling weak. Wait for that feeling to blow over before you revise your plans.
33. My favorite financial adviser says that to get rich, you have to do rich-people things, and to get fit, you have to do fit-people things. Here are some observations about what fit people do differently from the rest of the population.
a. Don’t go home directly after work. Do an activity. Key word active.
b. Eat supper some time after 7 PM.
c. If you wake up in the middle of the night, have a glass of water, and nothing else.
d. Hang around fit people.
e. Take part in a fitness class.
f. Cut out all soy-based coffee whiteners.
g. If you can, cut out coffee.
h. Drink green tea sweetened with a generous teaspoon of honey (not more than three mugs).
i. Practice what power you have over your food intake by engaging in short-term fasts.
i. Eat reasonable (medium) amounts of breakfast type food when you break a fast
ii. Drink plenty of water when fasting
j. Yes you can have a doughnut (ONCE a week !!)
k. No you cannot have five doughnuts
l. OCCASIONALLY use appetite suppressants like two pieces of salt licorice or a small dose of dark chocolate.
m. Steamed vegetables are yummy!!
n. Avoid heavily processed foods.
o. Eat lots of greens.
p. Stamina is a good thing!!
q. Volunteer to help whenever it is something physically active, like interior wall paint. ( NO MOVING COUCHES !! )
r. Organize hikes
s. Buy clothes that show your muscles
t. Get sunglasses that say: “I am fit,” or a sporty haircut.
u. Take the stairs up.
v. Take the stairs down.
w. Eat all the food in your house before you go shopping again. (Not all at once, silly billy.)
x. Use olive oil instead of butter.
y. Cook with peanut oil instead of corn oil.
z. Minimize your sugar intake.
0 Comments
Mood: Writer's unblock
: Check with your doctor before starting any health program, excercise program, or diet fad.

aleaffalls Just Passing the Time Nov 23rd, 2009 5:36:18 am - Subscribe
I cried about you last week. You would think I'd be over it by now.

But I still miss you.

You seem fine without me though. You were never really broken up about it... It's a sign. You obviously didn't care as much.
So why am I still holding on?

I saw pictures of you from this weekend - you look happy. Are you guys really friends again? Congratulations.



I don't think we could ever be friends again. I want to - I really do - but it just hurts too much.
0 Comments

misty_rain Cheap dates in general Nov 11th, 2009 1:32:22 am - Subscribe
Go to the local big box everything store and have shopping cart races on the far end of the parking lot.
Don't scratch any cars.

Go to a nursery / garden center and pick out one small live plant. It is very romantic.

Go to the local river forks at dusk while the lights of the city come on. Snap a few photos, but be ready to jet out of there. Not very nice local usually.

Find somewhere with a ping pong table for free, bring your own rackets and balls.

Frisbee golf.

Food court !!

Local college or university has a geology collection / display.

Bring your cafe purchase to a local park.

Stroll by a duck pond... feed the ducks.

Bazaars.

Hikes in nature. Often hiking trails are available near you.

A park near us hosts a night when people with telescopes drive out of the city and set up, and people without telescopes can chat and ask for turns looking through the telescopes.

The dollar theater lives on !!

If you live in a different state than where you went to college, find out which sports bar in town hosts all the games of your alma mater, and mix in and cheer with like-minded alumni. Bring a couple extra bucks to buy a t-shirt, if they're selling them.

Go to your local town hall or visitor's bureau, find a chatty lady, and get the scoop on free plays in the park, free concerts, free fireworks displays and free children's events.

Battle re-enactments and airshows.
0 Comments
Mood: capricious
: Or pick out a nail polish together. That's really sweet too.

misty_rain Aw-Ready Oct 30th, 2009 6:38:10 am - Subscribe
"So," I said to Sean. "What do the kids say now a days:"
Sean squinted. "What?"
"What do the kids say now a days?" I persisted. I say something is cool and that works for everybody forty and above. They know exactly what I mean. But if I say that to a teen or twenty-something they pull a face."
"They what?"
"You know, they look at me like I just said 'Neato, ain't that the bees knees.'"
Sean laughed. "Well," he said, "you could say, 'that's tight, yo,'"
I said I wasn't going to be saying "yo" anytime soon. So Sean said, "or we say Aw-ready."
"OK," I said. "Like All ready to go?
"No," said Sean. "Like I AW-Ready know."
0 Comments
Mood: twitterpated
: Give him the benefit of the doubt.

misty_rain Miserly Tips - Save a Few Bucks Oct 29th, 2009 11:59:25 am - Subscribe
1. Buy the cereal in a bag brand, then "cut" it - mix in 1 minute quick oats.
2.(How many times have I done this?) Color in scuffs on your shoes with a marker. (The night before if you don't want the smell to tell on you.)
3. When grocery shopping, keep an eye out for the pink "WIC" stickers. These foods are usually a good buy.
4. When grocery shopping, note the price per ounce of the item you are buying.
For instance, ice creams vary between 4 cents and 30 cents per ounce.
5. Five dollar jewelry is usually thirty dollar jewelry that has been linked wrong.
With a tiny pair of beading pliers, your personalized adjustment to your jewelry can make it look like sixty dollars.
6. Avoid buying gas from a station near a highway since they charge more.
7. Shoe polish your leather shoes for Christmas or Easter, oil the leather any other time you want to look neat. You won't smell like polish, and the leather will look smoother and more expensive.
8. Updating your wardrobe with accessories is cheaper than updating your wardrobe with clothes.
9. Utilities on an apartment is usually much cheaper than utilities on a house.
10. When you buy new clothing, check the care tag to see if it is machine washable.
0 Comments
Mood: awestruck
: Shopped the local thrift store for beads and found pearls (no joke).

aleaffalls Lost Oct 4th, 2009 8:55:50 am - Subscribe
I was in the middle of writing a post. Then I realized that it didn't make any sense at all. So I deleted it.

The point that I was trying to convey?

I have become someone that I don't even recognize. You changed me when we got together. You changed me for the better. But now that you've left me, I can't even get back to the person I was before I met you. Sure, she wasn't the best and the brightest, but she had more motivation and direction than I do now. It's not that I feel like I don't have a purpose in life now that you're not around anymore. It's just... I don't know HOW to live without you around. I grew dependent on you and your presence. And then you left without a warning.

...and took my drive to succeed in life with you.

You know my address. Will you send it back to me?

Thanks.
0 Comments
Mood: glum