In my opinion, when a person says "I can and have forgiven you, but I can't forget about what you have done", it's a cop-out. Especially when the thing that can't be forgotten isn't so much the action itself, but rather the pain that the action aroused. To forgive means "to give up resentment of or claim to requital for". So how can somebody say that you are forgiven when they are clearly still holding on to the pain that you may have caused them.
Fact: I hurt you.
Fact: I would do ANYTHING in the world to ease your pain.
Fact: Nothing can take back what happened.
Opinion: It won't ever be the same again. Even if nothing had happened, things would have changed and it wouldn't be like how it was. Granted, they probably would've changed for the better, but because of what I did, the road now forks into two different paths. One will lead to our destruction, but the other could lead to something that will be better than what we had. If we can get through this successfully, nothing can break us apart besides our own will.
You taught me about the concept of systematic desensitization to help me get over my fear. We can utilize this approach to our benefit specific to the situation we are going through. If we can learn to convert the pain we feel into something else - a sense of appreciation and security maybe - then the strain on our relationship will be lessened dramatically. If we can embrace the experience for what it teaches us about ourselves and how we handle hardships instead of fixating on the never-ending emotional turmoil, it will result in a loving, long-lasting, and carefree partnership.
What I did was wrong, there's absolutely no doubt about that. But if it's not this, it would be something else. Relationships need work. There's no way around it. We can't walk away anytime obstacles get in the way of our happiness. Yes, I said that I don't expect us to end up getting married - that Life will probably lead us apart from each other. I don't expect it, just like I didn't expect to fall this hard for you, just like I didn't expect my happiness to be dependent on your presence. I'm not saying that I need you around to be happy - I'm just saying that the magnitude of my happiness would be so much greater if you were around. While you are away, I find myself wishing that I could share some of my experiences with you, wishing that you were there that night I made cupcakes with my roommates, when I watched the fireworks with our friends, when I look up at the stars at night. I didn't expect for you to have made such an impact on my life, but you have. I don't expect anything more from you than a few good years (though the way things are going right now, I'll be surprised if we make it through the holidays.) However, it doesn't mean that it cannot happen. The future is unpredictable and has the possibility of changing with ever second of the present.
We can fix this. If not for the future, do it for the memory. Because who wants to look back 5 or 10 years from now and note any time of misery or regret that they experienced?
Lets change it, ...before...
everything
f
a
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apart.
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