misty_rain
Recind that Poem - Subscribe
Pre-determinists work just as hard as the rest of us, and are not marked by ubiquitous defeatism, as I had supposed them to be.
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misty_rain
Recind that Poem - Subscribe
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I just wanted to publicly admit that I was wrong. Pre-determinists work just as hard as the rest of us, and are not marked by ubiquitous defeatism, as I had supposed them to be. |
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misty_rain
Study of the Pleiades May 2nd, 2009 2:31:55 pm - Subscribe
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Oh yeah. I was listening to the FM radio and I heard them use a word in a song that I didn't recognize. And I am a wordophile (okay not really) so I went home and got my red paperback dictionary (okay yes really), and looked it up and it wasn't in there. I called a relative to ask him what it meant, but he was in church. I came to my computer and went to m-W.com to find it. They didn't have it- they named it Pleiades, and a quick trip to Wikipedia showed them to be seven sisters who were transformed into doves (stars) by Zeus to escape the over anxious amour of a great hunter (but assumedly poor lover). This was pretty funny until I read that one of them was called a bee-eater and was married to Sisyphus. That man was famed for being cursed to forever roll a rock up a hill. So he had to roll his rock, and a rough fellow is pursuing his wife, and she's so upset by all this that she and her sisters become fine feathered stars to escape the mortal penury of being a pursued woman. All very interesting. Now I know what I know about the Pleiades, including their relative position in the night sky... but I don't know what the song writer meant when he penned it and that makes me very sad. Maybe something about escape, about transformation, about celestial ascendancy, or maybe it's just about being tired of those who seek your company. |
broknangel
Amazing Feb 3rd, 2009 8:33:57 pm - Subscribe
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Far beneath the encasing of ashes, Bleeding red, Still showing signs of life, Remove the darkness, Take me away. Just....Beautiful <3 |
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broknangel
Love Conquers All Jan 7th, 2009 12:16:55 am - Subscribe
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Love Conquers All Around a year and a half ago i met a guy. We were like instant best friends, and within a month of meeting, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. 6 months down the track we were so serious about each other that we moved in together. Life was oh so good. I was in love, and he loved me. We had our fights, we certainly weren't perfect, but we loved each other. His family never liked me. He told me not to worry, that they never liked any of his girlfriends, that they just always put his girlfriends down because they were never good enough, but that he loved me and that was all that mattered. I accepted that. They were nice to my face, and that was all i asked for. Well eventually we moved to a new town because of a job he got, and i started study. Money was tighter and we started having more arguments. He started working more, and spending less time at home, and his social life got busier, and i was included less and less. I spoke to him about it a few times, but it was a hard subject, which we both had trouble talking about, and it would always end up unfinished. Eventually, all the stress and pressure and arguments started to form a crack in the relationship and four months ago we broke up. He made up a story about cheating on me, because he was afraid i didnt love him anymore, and wanted to give me an easy out. I was heartbroken. I started drinking all the time, and taking sleeping pills night and day. i would sleep, and drink, and sleep more. I would go out four times a week and drink til the pub closed, and then come home and take sleeping pills. After a couple of months he emailed me and tried to explain how sorry he was, and the truth of why he did what he did. How much he was hurting. But by this point my anger had hit. I didnt want to hear a word he was saying. He gave up. A week before christmas we started talking again. I decided that since i still loved him, and he was such an amazing person, i wanted to be his friend. He invited me to have coffee with him, saying he missed talking to me, and he wanted to salavage our friendship. I was so happy to hear it. We spent a couple of hours chatting, and it made me feel so much better to know that we could be friends again. So we hung out a few more times. Then we had a massive argument, because he talked about wanting me back, but i got the wrong idea by it and got angry, and everything was all misunderstood. Then we had a breakthrough. Thats when we finally admitted that we still loved each other, and after some tears, and a whole lot of talking, we decided that we were going to give things another go. So we have started from scratch. We've never been closer or more in love, and I've never been happier Omnia Vincit Amore Love Conquers All |
perfect110
Over two years ago... Dec 6th, 2008 10:14:55 am - Subscribe
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It has almost been two years since I have written in here. Amazing how much has changed. I doubt there is hardly anyone left that remembers me. In the past two years I have found freedom (if that exists) from my eating disorder. Am a lot more happy and content with life. I also moved out of my house (twice), first to go a treatment type center and secondly to move out for good into an apartment. I have gotten back into church. Been dumped by two boyfriends. Made a bunch of amazing friends and then lost them all. I suppose that is why I am writing in here now. I am so incredibly lonely. My heart longs for human interaction. I want to be accepted and liked and loved for who I am. I want people to leave comments on my facebook and e-mail me! I want people to call me. I want to matter. I want... to be noticed. Right now I am fighting not to run back to what was my coping mechanism for six years. I know why I want to do it but that doesn't help. I want to do it because I am stressed about finals next week, I am lonely, I am depressed, and I am angry but I don't know what to do about it except run and eat everything I can and then vomit into the toilet for an hour. I am feeling out of control. I am feeling rejected. I am feeling like the life I have serves no purpose at all. I could easily be replaced. I have not had these feelings for over a year, and yet here they all come- rushing back in. Will I ever truly be over this? Am I just going to use my whole life fighting with food and my emotions? I want to a be a photographer but so what- there are thousands of amazing photographers. Maybe I am just having a depressed week. perfect~ |
aleaffalls
Patience, my dear child, is a virtue. Aug 7th, 2008 2:03:28 am - Subscribe
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I hate waiting. Well, no, I hate waiting with uncertainty. I hate waiting for someone to come and pick me up (or just to get here) without giving me a specific time. I hate waiting in ridiculously long lines not knowing how long it will take or how many more minutes or hours until I can go home and relax. I hate waiting to see how I did on a test. I hate that feeling of anxiety -- of uncertainty. Of not knowing; not knowing if everything is or will be alright or not. The suspense is draining and often leaves me feeling empty and needing something.someone concrete. "Maybe if I can just touch someone, be in their embrace, maybe it'll go away. Maybe they'll keep me grounded and I won't feel helpless not knowing. Maybe they'll wait with me." ---The world is full of wait. We're constantly waiting. Waiting for a new day. The next semester. A new year. Another chance. A fresh start. It's impossible to escape the web of Wait. Since birth, we've been caught in it and it has done its job and we are surrounded by Wait.--- And I wait. I wait for my anchor. The object that will keep me from being caught in the undertow and pull me out to sea. I wait with uncertainty, not knowing when it will ever come and provide me with security, or if it will come at all. i wait. will you ever come? will You change your mind? I don't know how long I can hold on. You were right, it is hard to wait for something that you know may never happen. Especially if it's everything you've ever wanted. But if it IS everything you want, it's worth the wait, right? Even if it may not happen? But who knows? It could. Waiting is a process built of uncertainty. And uncertainty means that there's a chance. And a chance means a future. |
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aleaffalls
dot.dot.dot. Aug 2nd, 2008 3:43:19 am - Subscribe
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I hate it when people fight. My parents especially. When they fight, not only does the darkness looms over their heads, it seems to engulf the whole house. The silence doesn't just come from us kids. It oozes out from the walls. It doesn't matter where you go; kitchen.bathroom.your own room even. It's inescapable. Quietness from all angles of the house except from the mouths of the two eldest members of the family. Shouts of the past.the present.the future. Threats of beatings and leavings. Chaos spills from their mouths. It's inescapable and unbearable. We speak nothing but silence. Why do I even come back? |
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aleaffalls
What does betrayal mean Jul 18th, 2008 9:46:15 pm - Subscribe
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BETRAYAL 2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust. 3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends. 4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret. 8. to seduce and desert. (according to dictionary.com) BETRAYAL, a form of deception or dismissal of prior presumptions, is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract (trust, or confidence) that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. (From Wikipedia). It's straight forward enough right? If you've ever felt as if anyone you've trusted has ever let you down by deliberately doing something that they know would hurt you, then the word "betray" would be used and.or thought of as a fitting description. Betrayal is not a hard concept to wrap one's head around... |
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broknangel
Musicians Apr 16th, 2008 7:02:55 am - Subscribe
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Its like a whole different world... wake up in the middle of the night and write a song, play guitar til 3am, and practice some more when you get up in the morning. I admire it and yet I hate it so. Okay so it was my choice to move in with him. I knew all along what he was like, and i knew that it would be hard for me, but I love him, and i knew that no matter what it was going to work because we were right. Was I right? i guess in a way I was... then again... maybe not. Our relationship? stronger than ever. Our finances? lower than ever. I suppose the sickness hasnt helped. if i was able to work we wouldnt be in such a financial rut... Or maybe if he payed for more... but i darent ask him to pay for food or power or rent or any of the bills because i know how much this band means to him and how he already wishes he could put more money into it. but when he gets over $600 and I only get $180 i do wonder why it is that im left to pay for everything. When do i get my break. When do i get to buy cool stuff? New clothes. i only have one pair of pants. one jersey. two pairs of socks. My underwear has holes in it and is falling apart, my only pair of shoes have holes in the soles... When do i get a break? every week i spend every cent i earn on food, and rent, and power, and petrol... to drive him to work and back, to keep a roof over his head... to keep him from starving. I feel like im drowning, and yet in a way ive never been happier. i couldnt imagine being without him, i love him so much, and when i look at him i cant help but smile. Does he hear me cry at night? Does he see the tears prick at my eyes as i hand over my last few coins to buy groceries, or petrol. Does he realize how stressed out and upset I am? No... because i keep it together for him. I just want him to have things good. I want him to feel secure, and I want him to think that everything is okay and he can take that time if he needs to to relax, and de-stress. I THINK IM GOING TO EXPLODE =[ |
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broknangel
Just an old blogger returned Apr 14th, 2008 8:46:09 pm - Subscribe
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Wow blogs aye. the older you get the less time you have to update them. So im 19 now. It sounds better than it feels although im pretty sure i couldnt handle my life situation a couple of years ago. So things happened at my old flat and a few months ago i moved in with my boyfriend, which i have to say might have been the best decision ive made thus far because no matter what happens ive always got him beside me to hug me and tell me everythings going to be okay, which in reality could be a lie, but its okay cos its one of those things that makes you feel better anyway. And I live with a bunch of uncomplicated chilled out people who do complain and fuss but not to the point where i feel like pulling out a gun and shooting them all, or myself. Haha, okay so nothing has gotten that bad. Okay so its a bit of a struggle, i mean what with rent and food and power and phone, and internet, for two people on the tiny amount I get off my sickness benefit and what he gets from his work its really hard to live, but we are still happy, and thats al that really matters. Oh yeah did i mention my sickness. I got glandular fever awhile ago, i quess it was rather serious, but i was getting better when i started having seizures, so to make a long story short ive had about 7 months off work and had to be on the sickness benefit. and through several bad reactions to medications, possible liver failure, and a few other shocks, things are finally starting to get better. i got a kitten, a cute one. okay theyre all cute. but she is awesome... cept she has just started pooing in the house which is kinda a disaster, especially if the landlord finds out.... and i got my tongue pierced. which hurt less than i expected and yet i must say hurt way too much for my liking lol, and still hurts when i eat spicy food, but its got a cool ball on it now, and it never ceases to keep me amused during bored patches in my day.... i dont really have much to say, especially since my bf is looking over my shoulder and calling me a geek cos im blogging, and until now he hadnt really realized how much of a computer nerd i really am. anyhow i spose i should go cos there is always work to be done. |