ok so i have this old backpack of mine that i keep all my secrets in, just like things i write, all my old journals, thoughts, things like that, and i keep it locked up. so i was going through it today and i found this old poem i wrote 2 years ago this may, and it suprised me, not because it was good or anything (cause it's really not), it surpised me to know that this pain i'm going through started that long ago, cept that was when i was keeping hidden from everybody, even myself sometimes...so here it is...

Dying

My tears fall down my pale face
As i think of my life i've messed up
I push people away far far away
People at school, church, and on the bus
No one knows the hurt i feel
I walk in with a smile plastered to my face
Someday wishing for someone to care
To care enough to rip it off

My tears fall down my pale face
Like the rain trickling down my window
As i think of the people i love the most
And know they will be again snatched away
Cause nothing good seems to last forever
It's the pain and the hurt that stays so long
Like a thorn stuck in your tender skin
Tearing up layer and layer of your life

My tears fall down my pale face
Wishing for a finger to wipe them away
Calling out to God oh why oh why
Does my life feel so broken, so torn
People try to comfort me, doesn't work
They don't see my life every day
I try to put my faith in Jesus because
I don't want my hurt traveling to a knife

No kidding, this is what i wrote 2 years ago and i remember i wrote it right after i got home from school, the last day of my freshman year...what's weird is in lots of ways i still feel like that cept now i feel i have ppl to talk to and it's not so lonely sometimes...so my family all left today cause they're going to some hotel so a few friends of mine are gonna come over and we're having a sleepover party...so hopefully i'll be in a good mood and have a fun time. i'm looking forward to it, guess that's good.