so i'm on! not really fun though...just needed some time to think and write. so i got on yesterday anyways, my mom went to a meeting at church..then she got home. she started talking about my senior pixs and stuff and i don't know we just started arguing...i was about to go to bed...i didn't wanna hear her talk about it, i kept telling her i didn't care which made her madder...well, i said that cause anytime i tell her what i want she tells me it's too much money, we have to do it this way, so i told her to decide...yeah, she kept at it though so eventually we were screaming at each other, i was tired...getting up early makes me crankier..and well, it's that time...*sigh* so i was really upset and went to go to my room...she followed me and blocked the door. so i told her i had to go to the bathroom and she wouldn't let me out..so i opened the door with her sitting in front of it..i stubbed my toe. it still hurts. but i hid out in the bathroom for a little while..and well, by then i just really wanted to call someone..but i couldn't cause i know she wanted to talk to me but i didn't want to have to listen to her talk more about it, i just wanted to go to bed in the first place. so i waited for her to get out of my room before i went back in and locked the door. so there was no way i could've got a phone. it's times like this when a cell phone would be nice, cause i don't like her knowing when i'm calling ppl too, besides it was late, she either wouldn't let me..cause she was mad...or she'd ask me who i was calling and why...so i couldn't take it anymore...and well, i then my sister had to go to bed, so i had to let her in..and then once the lights were out, i was hidden in my own part of the room...and let the tears come and let the pain out...on my arms..on my stomach..on my legs...and on my throat...i burned everywhere from the scratches...and then i felt so guilty..but i really couldn't take it anymore...it was just like a release...from sooo long...from holding it all in, calling ppl...holding off...and you know, that time, it didn't seem like enough, my counselor told me that'd happen..and i knew i couldn't do anything more..so i put on my musik and i just cried and cried and cried. i wanted to scream. but after 10 more min. of that or so..i finally felt calm..and tired, i think i wore myself out..sooo i eventually fell asleep...and again had to wake up at 6:40 to get ready to babysit again...and it all seemed like a dream when i woke up..cause the scratch marks were gone..and my body didn't hurt..burn anymore...and i actually felt rested.

soo then later on my mom calls to ask if i want to take logan swimming...my cousins were coming over so they were all going to the pool..so i said ok. and when i got home my school counselor called me, oh how i wish i wasn't home yet, or nobody answered cause then i wouldn't call her back..but i had to talk to her....and this is what it was about...

my schedule has latin 4 scheduled for period 3, but the problem is they have 43 students signed up for latin 4 and they only have one class...so ppl are getting kicked out. i am getting kicked out. and why? simply cause my major is math and not foreign language. so my school counselor was going over all my other options. first of all, i don't like her to begin with...and she starts asking me if i'm taking any math courses and i say too..then if i'm taking physics..yes...then she asks if i'm taking stats, yes! see, so i need a fun class like latin. stupid school...i hate it!!! i absolutely hate it, and the one teacher i love, the one class i actually love, i'm getting kicked out of...unless i can do something about it, and yeah, this is something i'm gonna fight about. i don't think any kid should miss the opportunity of taking latin 4...there should be two classes...but anyways she said i could take humanities so i said ok, cause we had to leave to go swimming...i don't wanna take it, just another stupid class with a stupid book...while kids down on the first floor are having fun in latin. oh yeah, so then she reads out my schedule to me and i'm thinking duh! if you have it right in front of you, why were you asking if i was taking all these courses!! thao says she can be really stupid sometimes and i totally agree...like why would they kick a smart kid like me out of latin 4...kick out one of the dumb kids instead who are only majoring in foreign language so they can get 3 electives. so i'm thinking maybe it's not too late to change my major to foreign language cause all you need is to take 4 years of the same language which is what i was doing anyways, i thought it was obvious, guess not. just figured i'd put math on there since it sounded smarter to me...so either i'm going to call her back and ask if i can do that or get one of my friends who still has my latin teacher’s number to give it to me so i can call her cause i really am upset about this...it's the only way i'd survive school this year...i can't live without my dose of latin...i'm serious. it's the only fun i'd get in that stupid college prep school...if not i'm seriously thinking about home schooling myself. it can't be much different....either that or quitting school..all because i can't take latin...how funny is that? no...i couldn't do that...i wish...but really, i've already cried too much over this, i'm so emotional sometimes esp. when it comes to my favorite teacher and my favorite class...really how can i miss sewing a toga and having a toga party at then end of the year. and i'm in national latin honor's society so i should be able to take latin my senior year...stupid school! i hate it...

anyways so i'm on now to write all about how much life stinks right now!! well...yeah..and i'm reading my school book, a memoir written by stephen king and it's horrible, i don't care about him, i don't want to know all about his life...i don't read his books...i hate his movies so why would i want to know what's in them..how he thought of em..why do i want to know that at age 2 he could move a cement block??? really??? or how he keeps his marriage going..i don't care bout him..i thought this was going to be a book about written, the title is "on writing"...ahh more reasons why i hate my school. i think we should get to pick our own books to read during the summer, from a huge long list maybe and write book reports like we're in elementry school or something. it's basically the same thing...we degrade ourselves reading this junk..it's not educational..what we're made to read is junk...plain and simple...and by the way, i happen to like reading..books i want to read. i learn from em, they teach me some big words!!! and they hold my attention. *sigh*

my cousins are over now, so my mom's either too busy to notice i'm on right now, or she'll just choose to yell at me later. i could care less..nothing could get worse. hopefully i can change some things...like my schedule...i have to remember to call tomorrow...i wonder what kristen's major was, i wonder if she got kicked out too... ...ok i think that's enough ranting for today...anyways, my cousins just found me, so i'll post it before they start reading over my shoulder...