*hey carlee, you came back again!*

*wanna know why* she asks me. *cause you told me one week that you missed me and to come back, so i did*

*aww, you're so sweet carlee*

---later on---

*you wanna know how much i love you?* she asks while she's sitting there coloring her picure.

*how much?*

*all the way up to heaven and back down again* she makes the movement up and down with her little arms

*aww that's so sweet carlee* i say again.

---still a little later---

*you know i'm 5 now*

*oh you are, so what are you doing in here?*i laugh *silly you, this is the 4 year old classroom*

*i know, but i'm 5 now*

*you know that means you'll have to move up to the 5 year classroom soon*

she runs over to me and hugs me, in a sad voice, *please don't tell anyone i'm 5, i want to stay in here with you forever!*

i didn't know what to say...all these things this little girl was saying to me made me wanna cry...kids can be so sweet sometimes...and so random. i can be talking about one thing like what carlee did the other day and then the next second she's wanting to tell me how much she loves me.

~so that was yesterday at church...didn't have time to write it last night~

anways, it's weird not going to counseling today. not that there are ever weeks that i don't...many times. this week it was her son's one year old birthday. but knowing in my mind that it's also because i'm going to start going every other week now..it's kinda weird but good at the same time. it's good because it shows that i am progressing first of all, if i don't need to go ever week and it also will be good to start seeing her less now so i'll be ready to move away and go to college. leaving ppl i love will be hard enough, like all those kids...and yah, it'll be tough not to be seeing her anymore too...i mean i've been every week pretty much for like a year and a half. so what did i do today instead??? i slept for almost 3 hrs!!! i didn't get in bed til 1:30 in the morning cause i waited til the last min. to get started on my hw. i had lots of calculus to do and my letter to the reviewer. i couldn't seem to get that right and i really tried but i was too exhausted. but that was my last piece for the portfolio to turn in. the last month and a half has been crazy for me working on these pieces. i have never worked so hard on anything i've ever written. most of the stuff for school i write like i'm writing this blog right now, off the top of my head and stupid teachers give me a high grade cause it's mostly better than what everyone else turns in. hey, we're all good writers we're just really lazy..esp. since school's almost over. anyways portfolios aren't completely done yet, it's just the little things now we're fixing..the simpler things.

i've been feeling a need to blog alot lately and i'm not used to being so busy. but i figured since i got a long nap in today i could take a short break to write a little. i mean, how long does typing all this really take!?! so this is the first time i've got online all day, it was so weird for me. i had so much to check, 11 emails..blah, most of it was junk. myspace messages. oh yes, and then i made the mistake of not putting up an away message and i got bombarded with IMs...not that i'm really that popular. ppl just need help with hw. or have questions.

tomorrow i'm going to the classroom with T for any after school tutoring...maybe some kids will show up this time. since we get there at like 2:45 and kids, if they show up, won't show up til 5, we got plenty of time to do hw. there's a tv in there so T asked me to bring a movie, i'm bringing little rascals although i'd rather watch one of my scary movies..hmm...i like going there cause i actually get hw done there early while at home i wait til night...like now.

so i'm really going with jen and michelle's small group to the easter pageant. it's still kinda weird that adults keep wanting to hang out with me..yet kids my own age don't. i think it's both ways though. i'd rather hang out with the adults anyways. i think they said march 19. it's a sunday. so it'll just be another night of missing the hs church. which i really look forward to now..compared to before when i'd try to avoid it as much as possible.

i've decided not to go to florida on spring break with kristen. many reasons. mostly cause i tried talking to her about it thinking she'd be all excited and she kinda just blew me off...yah, her boyfriend is going now too. she told me before he wasn't. and i've been around em before and it's not a situation i want to put myself in for an entire week. plus i don't even know if i could stand being around her for the whole week or not anyways. but at least i've tried doing some things with her..like that trip to the mall. but hey, maybe i'll have babysitting or something to do on spring break. the only reason i had thought about going was so that i could get away from my dad an entire week. *sigh* kinda sad right. idk.

ok i better get off now and do my fun homework. i've already spent two nights in a row blogging on here. but hey i love it and i miss it....yes, it just feels so good...having an outlet like this. and i'm getting excited about my one year anniversary with me and this blogger rain_drop...yes, march 19 is the day...it's almost been one year since i joined this site and started my blogging. a whole lot's changed since then. i've even made all my past entries private...mostly because that's just for me to see now, i'm not that girl anymore and i hope and pray i will never go back to that. sure i still have my struggles, this you know, but day by day just the simple task of living gets easier and easier...which reminds me...i haven't touched the phone in awhile..ahh, better get on that huh. *wink*
♥rain_drop

...joan of arcadia...