wow, i finally got this to come up...so an update. hmm internet's still not working right and my family's gone for the whole day at Holiday World so it'd be a nice time to catch up on all the stuff i do on here, chatting, forums, email...but no...not today, not in a long time, but i can't stop the blogging, i just have to wait forever and try again and again to get this to come up.

so yesterday was my first day babysitting, cameron was the only one there, the two year old, tanner stayed over at a friend's house. but we had tons of fun. but boy did he wear me out. this was my first time actually doing alot of stuff while babysitting cause the other two boys i babysit are older so it was different but i liked it at the same time. we played, i had to give him a snack, we went swimming in his little pool in the back, i took him for a walk in his little wagon thing, we went swimming again, i fed him dinner, gave him a bath, read him a story, oh and i had to help him pee...hehe...help him get his pj's on, get him in bed, put his sound thing on, nighlight, cuddle him for a few min. while he cried for his mommy, which btw almost made me cry, it was so sad...and then make sure he went to sleep....whew! then i had the rest of the night off. i watched a little tv but i'm no addict and even though they had cable, which i don't, i couldn't find much to watch so i just read my book.

oh and yeah, i forgot to mention the other day another reason my mom was concerned about me, when i put on my bathing suit from last year, it was really loose on me, proving i have lost weight from last year...i need a new one anyways since that one has some holes in it. ahem..but yeah, so i got out my really old one from when i was 13 and 14 that i wore and um that fit me, sorta, cept it's really worn out, i just haven't gotten the chance to get a new one yet. so all of this made me want to check my weight, since we don't have a scale, the last time i did was probably babysitting last summer and i was around 130 at the time. so i found one yesterday while babysitting and um it was 115. gosh that shocked me. but then that could be because of getting my teeth pulled and i've only had soft foods for about a week, yeah so that night i had some popcorn and a brownie. but this is what my mom said she didn't want, me just to eat cause ppl think i'm not. i don't know, i'm just writing this really for you shannon so you can know, yes i have lost weight, i'm really not trying though, isn't that just another factor in my depression though, losing weight...and like i said before maybe it's this crazy biking that i started doing awhile back, geeze i was up to biking for an hr..til i started my anti-depressants which wore me out. oh well, enough about that.

um so what else, i meant to make myself do my devo this morning but agian i had no desire, i don't know. i do, but i don't...does that make any sense? i'm just missing the internet alot. oh i know something. the other lady i babysit for, she called me the other day. she has me babysit for weeks at a time from 7 in the morning til around 5 in the evening. and she wants me for the next three weeks! but only for her younger son logan who's 8 i think cause her other boy is at a camp. so i told her about my other babysitting job on tues and thurs and we'll work that out. i think i'll just take logan over there with me to cameron's and tanner's cause i know they'd love to have another boy around and logan could come and hang out in the pool with them. plus it'd only be for a few hrs and his mom could pick him up there since it's really close. i'll see though, but tues and thurs would wear me out since i'd be babysitting from 7 to 11:30...hehe i just might take a nap while the kids sleep. the only thing about this is i won't have much time for thinking about things, you know, which is good but not all the time. it's gonna keep me going and going. and i won't be able to go over val's..well maybe in the evening if i'm not too worn out. i like this but i also like to relax in the summer...

and thao's supposed to come over sometime today, she said she'd bring chinese food for me to try and we'd watch chinese movies with vietnamese subtitles. i'm thinking, oh great! sounds like fun, why would i want to watch a movie where i can't understand what they're saying and look at subtitles i can't even read? i don't know, but i guess it's good that i won't be completly by myself for the whole day. and she's been wanting to do something with me since school was out and i know i won't have time in the next few weeks so that's what's gonna happen today. ok i hope my internet is working fine soon. ~later~