"Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help."
~tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom~

it finally happened...
the hurt came once again...
this time followed by tears..
many tears..much hurt...
and much desire to hurt myself..
i'm relieved i was finally able to cry...
but there's nobody to talk to..i've tried...
i think i'm ok..for now...this time around...
i can fight it, i'm strong enough...
i don't think i'll be sleeping for awhile now..
though my eyes are tired and weary...
my mind is overflowing with thoughts....
*sigh*
i don't see why things have to be this way...i'm just ready to get back to school now..it'd be different if i really have friends here..but i don't...i thought i did...but i don't...i don't know what i'd call em...but their not friends friends..if ya know what i mean...just ppl i hang out with..them and their kids...

so i had a pretty good day..until about an hr or so ago..things were fine..ok...whatever...i went shopping with my mom..which i hate...and i went out to eat with her too..which i hate..but it was taco bell...and i like taco bell..and then i hit up the christian bookstore again...i was pretty excited about the new clothes my mom bought for me..and the new books i got at the christian bookstore....and i've been babysitting every day since tues...and i will be tomorrow night and sunday night too...but then...BAAMMM..it hit me..and here i am...
tired...sad...lonely...
crying in the dark..
with my laptop on...
just passing the time away....
where i can hear the sounds of my cousin and sister...
both sleeping peacefully right across from me....
how much i wish to be their age again...
young...carefree..and free from the bounds and chains that my past has on me..keeping me captive...here...until the day when i just give it all up..and my body is found...
lying on the bathroom floor...lifeless...
or not.
it's just words...nothing will happen
i hope...
nothing will happen..i promise i'll be fine.

better luck tomorrow
with my over emotional self.

♥ rain_drop