so i've just been so busy..doing nothing..that i haven't had the chance to write about my amazing weekend....last weekend...maybe i was hoping i'd have the chance to tell someone all about it before i actually wrote about it, i mean i've been wanting to tell someone all about it..all week long..but i haven't really had the chance..or felt like anyone really wanted to listen to me...maybe i should've just said something to someone..instead of just hoping they ask me about it...but anyways...

sat. i woke up early so i went to target cause i needed some long sleeve shirts to wear under my t-shirts...cause i didn't have any..so i bought some shirts..then i went over to jennifer's to babysit amanda and jacob. i was babysitting from 2-7 and then after that i just hung around with them and jennifer until about 9:30...i got home...and gosh, just walking in the door..i absolutely hated it, so i tried calling morgan cause i knew she was home for the weekend. turns out she was just hangin out at home and adrian was over there..she said i could come over too..i thought maybe adrian would mind, i'm still not sure if she was mad or not..but i went over there. and because adrian had to get up early that morning to run a race..or walk the race, something like that..she was really tired and left a little after i got there. morgan and i hung around and talked until almost midnight when i decided to head home. i went straight to bed. i probably would've tried to spend more time with my sister that day, except when i got home from target that morning, she was in the bathroom throwing up. so she was sick all weekend.

sunday i went to church, and absolutely loved it. i wore my bright orange teacher ed t-shirt that i got from here and that was funny. i was in my classroom again..with all my kids..and it was so much fun. riley and brayden were really excited to see me.

after church, michelle wanted to hang out but they were so busy that day so i went to riley's last t-ball game with them. it was so cute, all those little kids trying to play t-ball...and some of them actually knew what they were doing. but i never really got a chance to talk to michelle like i would've liked to cause she was paying attention to riley and the game..and her husband was there too...and blake was kinda grumpy cause he didn't get enough sleep..i really miss the old days when i'd stay over michelle's late into the night when her husband worked, and her kids were in bed, and we'd just talk and watch tv together, or clean her house..yes, i put dishes away around midnight one time when i was over there...

so after the t-ball game i went home which i really didn't want to do..so i'm on my laptop, but no one from college was on IM to talk to...so i just got off..and then...devon calls me. she needed a babysitter while her and her husband went to their volleyball game. her mom usually watches her kids, but she was out of town and her sister was busy too..so she asked if i was busy that night...i told her i'd love to babysit. when i got there she told me that she never had a babysitter before, except for when the small groups got together, but that's different...never at her house, just for her kids...yup, i was the first. which i didn't think she got babysitters cause i know she has a daycare in her house during the weeks...so anyways taylor, carson, and i had a fun night of coloring. taylor started making puppets or something and she kept trying to get me to make one. instead i made her an origami crane, i used to make them all the time when i was younger. now i'm making a bunch out of starburst wrappers. so anyways i had a fun night and taylor, she's 6, would not stop talking, it was great...she had so much to tell me..and carson, he's getting so big, i remember when i went to his 2 yr. old bday in the summer and he didn't even really know who i was..and now he does, he'll give me a high five...or he'll just stand there and giggle.

this week has been really stressful on me for some reason. i couldn't get to bed before 2...some nights it was 3..and i have to wake up at like 7 or 7:30 in the morning tues-fri...and it wasn't even like i was doing hw or anything that late..well i was supposed to but i just couldn't get off the stupid internet. *sigh* most of the time it's not that bad, i can get off when i need to do stuff...but this past week i just couldn't. so thurs. i felt so sick and stuff from lack of sleep so at 5 i shut my laptop and i told myself i wasn't opening it again that night. well i took a shower, did most of my hw...watched some of anne of green gables, i bought it finally..got it in the mail!!! and i slept from about 7:30-8:30..i planned to just keep sleeping through the night but i was awake..so i got on the internet and did a few things..then got back in bed at 9:30 and i should've feel right asleep cause i didn't have a huge long nap like i did on wed. so i stayed in bed..and i stayed there..and i was awake..i couldn't sleep. i guess there was just too much on my mind or something. well, i think i finally did fall asleep around 11..but then i woke up again when adrian went to bed around midnight..and it took a little while longer to fall back asleep...

then came friday..and i was finally glad the week was over...so here's what happened on friday..after my boring marriage and family class i have my alive group meeting. went to that, and there was nothing really planned so everyone sat around and talked..yah everyone talked..i said a few words here and there..i tried...then i had to finish up my hw and go to my gospel narratives class..after that i got my mail..i got a card from michelle. i waited til i got back to the dorm to read it...and at the top it said just think..and it was like a poem or something written by roy lessin i guess..and here's what it said:

"Just think, you're here not by chance,
but by GOD'S choosing.
HIS hand formed you and made you
the person you are.
HE compares you to no one else--
you are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that HIS grace can't give you.
HE has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fulfill HIS special purpose for this generation.
GOD'S wisdom is perfect.
HE created you at just the right time
and place for many special reasons,
but the one that means so much to me
is that HE created you to be my special friend."

and then she wrote that she hope all is well at college...but that message, it just meant alot to me...with all that went on that week..and how stressed i've been...and then she sends me a card telling me how God has placed me here..at the right place..at the right time..for his purpose. and then the end is just what broke my heart and made me start crying..just cause the card meant alot to me, and just cause she is a good friend of mine..and i was happy..but at the same time sad that i just didn't get the chance to talk to her last weekend. anyways whatever the reason, i'm just crying..and i was sad that i'm just so far away from her and her kids now...well anyways, tricia knocks on the door and just walks right in while i'm crying..and i try to wipe my tears fast, but she knew i was crying. she gave me a hug and i let her read the card cause of course she wanted to know why i was crying...but i just hated the fact that she had to come in then. i don't let ppl see me cry, i don't know why..i just hate it. my mom has seen me cry alot, but i would always hide under my covers so that she couldn't see....my dad's only seen me cry when we were in yelling wars and i was so angry at him that tears were coming down my face..and my old dgroup saw me tear up before...that one time at ciy when i was crying, i kept my head down until i was done. i just hate it. it's not that i don't want ppl knowing i cry...i mean i told my alive group leaders that i've struggled with depression and that the night before i came to talk to them, i was crying in my room...and jeannette told me i could've come down to her room and just talked to her..but i don't talk to ppl in the moment when i am crying, just after the fact...i dunno why i'm weird like that..but anyways i really hated tricia for just walking in on me like that..but i just had to write about it first and now i'll be fine...at the same time, i think it's also a good thing that she did catch me crying...since we're becoming good friends and all...maybe this is just a step for me at developing closer friendships than i'm used to...so then she tells me that she's off all weekend cept sun. so that we were going to hang out that night...

so i took a nap from 7-8..cause again, tricia walks right in my room and wakes me up. i didn't mind though...she's such a great person. so i go to her room and we watch a movie, only she ends up falling asleep cause she's soo worn out from the week too. so after it was over i went back to my room to find a couple messages from one of my alive group leaders, cameron. the alive group all volunteered that night to work at the zoo by handing out candy and stuff to the kids, but i couldn't because they were leaving at 3:30 and i was working at the library from 1:30-5...so i had to miss out on that..anyways she called to let me know they were back and were hanging out in one of the girl's rooms and invited me to come up there and hang out with them. well the last message she left was like 40 min. ago, so i called to see if they were still up there, which they were..so i went up there and they told me all about how cold it was..and what they did..and the fun costumes they saw. i was up there for about 45 min. before they decided they needed to leave...i enjoyed telling them that the reason i didn't get their message sooner is cause i was in tricia's room watching a movie with her...i just know that one time when i was talking to jeannette and cameron they were asking me if i was hangin out with any of the girls in the hall and i had said i went to the movies one time with some girls..and cameron said she was proud of me for doing that..so while i'm not developing friendships with the girls in the small group yet, i am developing a friendship with one of the girls in my hall...and it was nice that i didn't have to tell them that i was just hanging out in my room all by myself.

so today i had to get up early cause i had to meet a lady in the lobby at 7:30. this girl in my hall has a nephew she watches every sat. from 7:30-5:30 but she was leaving this weekend and asked if i wanted to do it, so i said sure. so her sister-in-law brought the little boy over this morning and we've been hanging out every since. he's napping while i'm writing this, just so you know...i really am watching him...so anyways, today's been really fun so far...i just love kids and he's sooo cute and fun...he's only 18 months too..younger than most of the kids i babysit..but i'm getting used to the young young kids...so i better get off here now cause he should be waking up soon..and plus this is long enough, my fingers are tired of typing. . .