i've been on like almost 7 hours already...it's nearly 4 in the morning...yet i'm still awake..usually on friday's i go to bed early, but since i didn't have school....and the funny thing is i woke up at 8 this morning..i get to sleep in and i wake up at 8..it was all good though cause i ended up going to help my mom clean this lady's house and i made $25...so now i'm rich!

it's been so long since i wrote in here..i don't know, haven't felt like thinking lately, like really thinking....typing out my thoughts..i still don't feel like going that deep into it. i think that's why i've been sticking with my xanga and myspace...keeping it light..and happy. although i did type somewhat of a deep post on myspace the other day, i couldn't help it. i was mad..soo...maybe i'll put it here i don't know.

so the point of me saying how long i was on..is to prove that i'm addicted to myspace..cause i've been on that like the whole time. i found a friend generator where i could pick which pix of my friends to put on there, what names they should have, hehe i got to name em! and which ones are displayed on my main page...yeah and i got falling objects now too..it's all great..so great that i haven't had time to try and fix a new template for this thing..but i'm thinking i like the plainess of it too...so i don't know if i'll change it. one day i got sick of my old one so i just changed to the basic one and what do you know, i really liked it!

so i now have a car so i'm supposed to be driving it places..and i do, i went to the library today with my mom, brother, and sister..but i just wanna go somewhere with a friend or something..so again i asked brit..but again she's too busy this weekend, and we even had school off today. kristen has colleges to visit cause of her mother..and thao said she's too busy doing scholarship stuff...essays..filling em out..looking colleges up...she's applied to a ton already it seems like..and here i am..just thinking, it's all going to happen when it happens..i'm so glad i'm not worried about stuff like that..cause i got enough as it is.

so my dad had the night off tonight..and i think he's off all next week too...oh gosh.

i still can't believe i spent all that time on myspace..not only that but i was on a really long time at the library..and then i got on right as i got home...then i took a break, got on again...it's better than going to my room...i'd like to read one of my books, but again...they left me...it's just me and my puter again...afraid to be unattached from it. wow, it is way to late, i don't even understand what i'm typing. i don't even know what i want to say.

i'm mad, confused, lonely, tired...i wish i had some place to go to...i wish parks weren't so freaky...i'd go to one...lay in the grass..and read by the water..ha, maybe i will anyways. wouldn't that be nice..it'd be better if i had a friend to talk to...with me. i wanna go back to where i hate people and never want to hang out with them...cause it hurts worse now...wanting to hang out with someone and not being able to..or just wanting to talk to em, or for them to make an effort to talk to you..instead of just forgetting about you. that's what it seems like. everyone's forgotten about me..i'm the forgotten world i wrote about on my blog on myspace.ha...i knew there had to be a reason i just suddenly started writing something like that..and posting it in such a public spot.

i'm so bored....even musik is boring me. so yeah, here's my update. ok, yet still feeling down....blah...maybe i'll feel like writing more soon..maybe...

oh ok there was something good...someone didn't forget about me...someone actually emailed me first...jen, the preschool director at church emailed me monday asking me if i ever thought about becoming a teacher (i'm only qualified now to help not teach) and that she thought i'd be really good...i surprised myself and responded with a "yes"...funny isn't it, that she asked me, and told me i'd be good, that i decided to do it...or maybe it's cause i've been with the preschool for awhile now..but i remember deborah asking me last year if i was going to become a teacher anytime..and i said i never wanted to do that, that i just liked helping out...so now i'm going to go through training or something...and then i'll be a qualified teacher...well at church. i also figured it was time to do something like that, sorta like stepping out of my comfort zone in the preschool hall....having someone watch me tell bible stories..ahh i'm still not too sure about it..but i'm going to do it...cause that's one thing that's still good and has been good in my life..those kids...

ok i think i better go to bed now..at least now i know i won't have any trouble falling asleep...or thinking about things...i should go right to sleep....