so fri. night things were rough for me again..and i don't really know why..or how it started...i was just in my room..and before i knew it....i got the phone and called cameron and she talked to me for a little bit but she had to go...she told me that she'd get jeannette to call me...but she also told me that i should write a prayer out or something...so i got on the net and..well, there's my last entry..and then while i was doing that jeannette got online which was strange cause i know she doesn't have internet at home, but she was over a friend's house....and she started IMing me..it was kinda weird..cause i know cameron talked to her but she acted like she didn't know what was going on..then awhile later she told me that cameron said to call her back..so i got offline and called her back..jeannette had filled her in on what we talked about....and...well she just kept talking about god and relying on him...she gave me some verses to read while things are hard...she talked about how her and jeannette can be there to try to help me, but i need to rely on god and trust that he can help me through things...something i haven't done...haven't done in a long time...

turns out, things were fine that night. i calmed down...and fell asleep. sat. i had no babysitting at all that day..so i slept in late..went to the library with my sister, got a few movies and books...and then i just decided that i needed to go to the christian bookstore and get a devo or just something to read...cause something is better than nothing...so i took my sister with me once again since my parents were out shopping and my brother and sister can't be left home alone cause they'll fight..and i found a bunch of books on clearance and two small books that looked really good and were cheap. i also found something for jennifer and michelle...so i decided to go ahead and get them something. i also found this cool rap cd that i absolutely love..i should've known that i can't walk into the christian bookstore and NOT come out with a cd..oh well, it was cheap too, with the coupon i used.

and then sat. night cameron calls me....just to check out how things were going this day..and they were good. she told me she couldn't believe how much i changed in one day..but all that god talk from her the day before made me realize that i need to try to talk to god again..try to trust him and all that...it's better than not trying at all...but then again...i can have really good days and then horrible days the next...i'm so dreading christmas day...because sat. i wasn't home much and when i was..i was alone in my room...or the rest of the fam was somewhere else. anyways cameron said jeannette would call me tonight and she would call me christmas day...i've been thinking, and to me it seems like a bit much, but then i dunno..if i know they're going to call, then i am more likely to not get in trouble and stuff..because i'd hate to tell them that...and it's hard for me to lie about things to ppl..especially ppl i wanna have as my friends. i just wish i could talk to mary..but she had her tonsils out...maybe soon...

and today at church i sat with devon and michelle...michelle gave me a hug when i came in, which is kinda unusual for her...devon and i tried to talk susan into letting us both work in the same room second service but we were in separate rooms...i don't usually work second service, but she needed me there this time..and i ended up being in the green room, 4 year olds...amanda was there and was excited to see me...riley was there too, but he wasn't staying and when michelle came to pick him up, she gave me another hug..said she was in a hug giving mood..it was kinda funny...i don't know when i'll go see her this week since i'm babysitting a bunch again...when i was talking to susan about how much i've been babysitting..she told me i need to learn how to say no...i told her no, i make good money doing it and i get to have fun..not only that but when i'm babysitting i'm NOT AT HOME. and that's always a good thing.

i also took my first long nap since i've been back home today..i slept 3 hrs. right after church, cause again i didn't have any babysitting today..this is SOOO boring..not babysitting. oh well, one more day of that and i'll be back to it....

i skipped the christmas eve service at church tonight...my mom said she was going to get my dad, brother, and sister to go with her..so i thought it'd be nice....and i'd get the house to myself for awhile..but turns out one of my mom's friends came over...so my mom went with her and my sister...and now i'm here at home with my dad and brother...ewww...but i hate christmas musik anyways..and i already put up with that this morning...anyways i'm watching anne of avonlea now and tricia seems to be talking to me on aim..so i'll stop for now......laters~