i feel proud of myself..in a twisted sort of way. yes, last week ended horribly, but so far this week hasn't been so bad. and maybe it has, but i've dealt with it, or rather avoided it so far.

see amy left the other day..and i didn't let myself cry.

and tricia and abby left today...i haven't cried.

and tomorrow i'll have to say goodbye to cameron...

and then mary...

and everyone else...and it'll be horrible, awful..miserable...but i'll be fine. cause i have to be...until i get home.

i know the min. i get home i'll escape to my room, call michelle and jennifer and let them know i'm home, then lock myself in my room, crawl in my bed and cry. and hopefully i'll just cry, get over it, and move on...but i don't know. it's like camp, when i'd always come home and crash..and cry..cause i just wanted to go back so far to that place far away from home...this summer will feel sooo long...i just hope i can make it through.

while i haven't let myself cry since that day...i also haven't let myself accept the fact that i'm leaving soon. friday morning and that other people are leaving too. and i know that's just going to make it all the more harder in the end. but maybe if my internet was working and i could blog regulary, maybe i would be writing this sooner and accepting some things...cause this helps me sort out my thoughts.

but i'm done with everything now. and tomorrow i don't know what i'm doing for sure, just hanging out or going somewhere...enjoying my last day and waiting for my mom to show up. i talked to michelle the other day and found out she's going to have a boy, this will be her third boy...but it's exciting cause this will be her first kid that'll i'll get to know from birth. i mean, when she was in my dgroup at church she was pregnant with blake but then she stepped out of the group cause she didn't have enough time, so i really didn't know her then...like i do now. i hope i can spend alot of time with her this summer. i also hope i can spend time with amanda and jacob and maybe take amanda to the pool a few times...i always enjoy that. so hopefully, thinking about my kids and such will make me look forward to going home, just a little.

ok, i must return to my room now...movie time..or reading..that's what i do without the internet.