so i just asked kristen if we were gonna hang out tomorrow..she said she had hw and college apps to fill out. *rolls eyes* tomorrow's friday..who does hw on friday? she just doesn't wanna hang out with me for some reason. she's kinda had a bad stressful week..well actually from being at school it seemed like school is stressing all the seniors out. i mean, we're halfway into the grading period and i am failing calculus..ha. and i laugh about it. whatever. so at school i asked kristen if she wanted to do something this weekend and she said maybe we could do something friday..so what changed? and i thought she wanted to see sisterhood of the traveling pants..which is what i watched today and i thought we could watch it tomorrow. i dunno. oh and i talked with brit a little earlier..and i just asked her how her day was and what she was doing tomorrow..she's working..i don't know why i bother anymore...

so monday i got home from school and called jen like she told me to. and she said she was busy and wednesday instead..so i called her wednesday and there was no answer. so that disappointed me. but later on at church..her last time with the preschool...she saw me and told me how the church had called her in to work at the job she no longer works at. haha, i thought that was pretty funny. but now i'm thinking whatever on the whole idea. i dunno. i'm sick of bringing it up. and the longer i wait the more scared i get to talk to her..about this kinda stuff.

but later on monday when i was watching joan of arcadia val called me and asked me to babysit. that was surprising...and that made me really happy..haha..she needed me there in like 45 min. so i don't know if it was cause it was kinda last min. and she didn't know who else to call that late or if it's cause she really trusts me with her kids again. so i spent 3 hrs. with beau and riley coloring..playing games...doing puzzles..and just having tons of fun. it was great.

tuesday night was the night i had to stay up late to do my whole physics proposal project. you know the one to make a lift that lifts up the witch in the play. so when i got on the internet so many ppl started IMing me and emailing me..and sending messages on myspace asking me all kinds of questions bout it..asking me to read and edit their papers and then of course i was asking them for ideas...ahh it was overwhelming. so i didn't start my own paper til late..and then i pretty much just typed junk down..ahh....i had said earlier at school that no matter what i was finishing by 1 in the morning..that was my deadline...i finished at 12:55...haha and i drove to school in the morning..since wed. was my last day.

and even wed. was hard. i had a calculus quiz but it was two pages and i think i did really good on the first one cause i had to fill in the whole unit circle--all the degrees, radians, and points...and unless i got em backwards i should get the whole thing right or almost..but because i spent so much time on that page i didn't have long for the second page..see so sometimes it's not cause i don't know it..it's cause i don't have enough time and he's the only math teacher i've ever had that won't give any of us any extra time on tests or quizzes for any reasons..and that's hard.

and today..actually yesterday since it's a little past 1 in the morning...was thanksgiving. a time to spend with family. say thanks...feel blessed..haha..

so we went to blockbuster and my mom had me get a membership and put her name on the card since i am the one with the debit card and she's not..haha..so we rented movies..and as i said before i got sisterhood of the traveling pants. which i loved..but only because i read the book..i think if i hadn't read the book and liked it..then i would have thought the movie was too girlie or something. plus the girl from joan of arcadia and the girl from gilmore girls was on there...haha so it was weird to watch..i guess i just don't know enough actresses and actors to not think that's weird. oh well. so i watched that while my mom cooked..my brother watched whatever he got and my sister and dad watched scooby doo..so i know my mom was happy to be able to cook by herself and not have anyone disturb her in the kitchen.

so then the food was ready. she called us. and i turned off the tv to actually go in the kitchen and eat. but first i went to the bathroom and then i just cried...i had to get it out..casue i was thinking i so don't wanna do this..i hate being around my family..i don't wanna hear the arguing..the fighting...or just everything..so after my quick crying episode i walk out and see my mom going into the living room with her food. ha. so i'm thinking we're not eating together. and i'm relieved...i expected here to be fighting all of us to get us to eat as a family in the kitchen together..but she doesn't. so i get my food and join her in the living room and when i ask her why we're not eating at the table she says it's cause she doesn't wanna here my dad yell. and the next thing i know...my dad's in there yelling at my brother for something. *sigh* so i resume my movie and eat my food. thanksgiving just doesn't mean anything in our house..unless we actually go somewhere. but our cousins went to chicago...they went last year too..but the years before that we used to eat there with them..and it was a whole lot better cause my dad was in a better mood around his brother and plus there were a whole lot more kids running around..and he can't control the chaos there..but he feels he can here..by yelling...

so wait the next part is even funnier...a little bit later my dad gets really mad, walks out the kitchen with his food, and comes in the living room with me and my mom and sits down...and my brother and sister follow in with their food. so i ask him what he thinks he's doing...cause i'm trying to watch my movie and i know i won't be able to with them in there..and plus he'll just bring the yelling in here. and he says he can't stand eating with them meaning my brother and sister..haha..what a thing to say bout your kids. whatever. so i tell him well get out of here cause i don't wanna hear you yell...and he does leave and they follow him out...he could just picked today to relax and listen to them if they wanna be with him and talk..but he just gets too angry...

so that's my day..nothing exciting..oh yeah and my dad asked me how far johnson was..and i said i dunno...far enough that i won't come back here for things like this...i mean i probably would miss it somewhat but that's not the point. and so then he says yeah, you can..you could take breaks and come back, like for thanksgiving...so then i ask him what for, it's not like there's anything to look forward to here on thanksgiving and it's not like we're all thankful for anything...and i was thinking that it's not like anyone ever wants to be around him on days like this when he's in a bad mood and yelling all the time. i mean even my mom didn't wanna be around him..but whatever.

so tomorrow maybe i'll go to the library... cause it doesn't seem like i have anything else to do..gosh, if i'm here all day tomorrow and i have to hear my dad yelling...i'm gonna go crazy..my musik is not loud enough
oh yeah, one more thing..i haven't showered since monday night and it's great! i stink~why? because i can! it makes me feel good. i think i'll go eat my dessert now and watch some more gilmore girls...night~