"i see you standing there, with your eyes cast down. i see you drowning in the pain. i see you wondering, looking so afraid. trying to disguise the shame..." ~lindsey kane

"i know you're past the point of breaking into pieces...i know you feel, like there's no reason even worth this...and when you cry, the tears that fall don't even touch your pain" ~cadia

"as i rest against this cold, hard wall
will you pass me by
will you criticize me as i sit and cry?
i had fought so hard and thought
that all my battles has been won
only to find the war has just begun
…
will my weakness for an hour
make me suffer for a life time
is there any way to be made whole again
if i'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness
find the strength i've never had
will my scars forever ruin all god's plan?"
~stacie orrico

if you're living, if you're breathing…you go something to say. you know if you're heart is beating…you got something to say…
…
listen up, i got a question here, would anybody miss you if you disappeared? well you're life is the song that you sing and the whole wide world is listening." ~matthew west

how is it that i'm on my face again
devastated by this trap i'm in
when will i walk in freedom from this sin
walk away, from all the shame
~lindsey kane

rumor is, she's some kind of dream
nobody really knows, she cries herself to sleep
we are not that different from each other
we just want somebody to discover
who we really are when we drop our guard
~joy williams

i've been looking up myspace music to listen to and i found some new favorite songs of mine...for the week anyways...that's pretty much all, nothing really more...or maybe i'm just too scared to write any of my own thoughts and such tonight. too scared to discover what lies in the depths of my heart and soul...too scared to see what's really important. i'd rather just avoid the mess all together...so much for being any kind of writer at all…

but if i was going to keep writing...for anybody who might read this, i might have something else to say....the least i could do it try...

like for example...isn't it kind of strange how someone you could have known your whole life is now someone completely different and has changed, not for the good. it's sad...and it's sickening to me that he could be like this...and be doing those things. that's life. i know. that's the things he deals with going to the school he goes to, the people he hangs out with. it's not that big of a deal.

except it is. these past two days i realized how much i do not know or understand about my own brother. and it saddens me...but it makes me realize i do care about him. i do care what happens to him. i don't want him getting arrested, calling home at 3 in the morning while getting picked up by the police. i don't really wanna believe he's been smoking weed or drinking....buying stolen ipods, drugs, or stealing bikes and who knows what else...yet it's all there...on his myspace. his hidden life. his lies exposed as truth. but not for the world to see...not for me to really know. except i do...i do now.

and i am left to wonder if some of it is just talk to impress or fit in with these people or if he really is doing this. and my heart sinks as i realize it has to be true. it just has to be. why would he be lying on his myspace, where he doesn't think anybody can see the messages he's sending everybody...*sigh* my mind is tired and weary now...i think i'll stop here...