so last wed. was the last time i really blogged..now it's monday..so after i blogged wed. i went ahead and called val and we talked for awhile. to sum it all up (haha..i know you want all the details) she had told me that she did see an improvement in me which i don't think i've ever really heard her say before. and she told me that she still loves me and was never angry with me it just frustrated her that i wasn't doing what i was supposed to..so it was good. and she told me that she was really glad i wrote her the email but the reason she told me to call her back was.....of course, so i can work on TALKING!!! yea! go communication. blah. relationships...communication...opening up..it's all a bunch of junk to me..nah..it's just really hard to do. in school today a girl found something out..don't know what..but it was in physics when she came back in the room and she was crying...really hard and like shaking so the teacher took her out in the hall and was talking to her..giving her a break from the classroom...still don't know what was up i just though of the times when that teacher had asked me what was wrong and i'd just shake my head..and here this girl was crying in front of the whole class...i just thought how i could never ever be like her. which in some ways that's good..but in some ways it's not..it's just that part of me that wants nobody to know what's going on in my life..that wants to keep everyone out..away..at arm's length for fear of something?? what? maybe getting close..getting hurt. idk.

so friday i was trying to go to the movies with T and K..and yes, i asked em..but it didn't work out...yeah, i almost went to the movies but i didn't. so my mom and me rented the movie flightplan and that was a really good movie..my mom even liked it..it's not a scary movie, more like an intense drama or something but i keep getting closer and closer to getting her to watch scary movies..or at least mysteries.

sat. was my last day of work for the trimester, 9 week period. i get this sat. off and next sat i have to go to training from 8-4. boring...but i want to work another 9 weeks and in order to do that i have to go to the training.

sat. evening i went to school cause my english teacher was supposed to be there and help us revise our transactive pieces. so i got there and the room was full of ppl...and she was trying to talk but nobody was listening or they were just making smart remarks. yah, she was stressed..so someone told her to say a cuss word and that'd make her feel better..so she did and then said, it didn't work..then some guys said something else and she gave them the middle finger..so i was like..um yeah..great example. and i thought she was a good teacher and everything...i was actually liking her a whole lot..up to this point. but i guess that's why they say everyone will let ya down at one point cause nobody's perfect. so she looked at my piece for like 5 seconds and told me i needed some physics equations in there somewhere cause that's what mine's about and they she went on to the next person. so i sat at a computer and tried researching some more and finding stuff to put in..but after like half an hr. i was just tired of it and left. oh and i cried on the way home. i just wanted some help with my paper, she didn't even read the rest of it..and since it's a 100 percent or a zero..i kinda wanted everything to be right..but whatever. so i thought i'd just email her when she wasn't so busy...she never got back to me. turns out our pieces aren't due til tomorrow cause they are "in horrible shape" and that's why she just quit answering emails..well for those of us who try...she should help us..but i guess not. so i really don't care about this piece anymore. i worked on it enough...

sunday was church..fun..fun...we had more 4 year olds in the class than in a long time. carlee was actually there, i'd been missing her...so that was fun and then second service i was put in with the threes cause they had a lot of kids. there was already two workers in there..but they kinda needed the extra help...so there's a 15 kid max in the classrooms and we reached that..we had to turn kids away cause we weren't allowed to take any more. safety laws or something...don’t worry, they still got to come..they just had to check in at the other 3 year old classroom..so that was fun, trying to keep 15 3 year olds under control with the toys, craft, and snack time...ah..it was still fun. oh and i saw michelle and she had something fo me.... it was that bible magazine thing of the new testament..she was talking about how she stayed up til 1 in the morning or something one night reading it and she couldn't put it down...she thought it was something i'd really like so she got me one..i thought that was really sweet..i'm starting to really love these adults... haha..yeah. so i did pick it up when i was at home and started reading some of it..so, it's one way to get me to start reading the bible again.

sunday night was the first time i went in two weeks cause i had been babysitting..so it was the first time i saw brit since i gave her "the letter". she started talking about how she's missed me and she was glad to see me that night. she even told me where they were going out to eat that night and asked me if i "felt up to going" i thought that was a nice way to ask me than..ah, oh well..i said no i didn't feel like it but thanks for asking. then i asked if we could get together to do something too since we have all these days off school coming up. she said sure..guess i'll see what happens. on my way out val told me i need to get my girls retreat form in so i had to tell her i couldn't go. after i was done explaining why and everything she asked if i'd go if it was just for that friday and if she could arrange to get me back..so i said yeah..that'd be cool if i could go, just for one day..i dunno how..but hey, i might be going now.

i never went to work out with jen. i tried calling her, it seems like everytime i do...nobody's home. but at least she has an answering machine now. i can leave stupid messages on it...hehe..i didn't see her at church sunday since i wasn't in her daughter's class.

so i'm trying to think if there's anything else i have to say..hmm...oh only that i wish i would have updated while this stuff was happening instead of now..because if i would have done it better i would have better conveyed more of my emotions and therefore felt better...haha..i'm about to go to counseling today...so..oh yeah, i do have something else but i guess that can wait..it's about the whole month and valentine's day..and junk...hopefully i will have time later to write about that.