i changed my mind...i can't meet with jeannette and cameron tomorrow...

it's 2 in the morning..i didn't nap today..and i feel wide awake...

not to mention i can't calm myself down..i've been listening to musik for hours...i'm in pain.

i feel physically sick. my stomach hurts...i feel like throwing up. my head hurts, most likely from lack of sleep...but i can't calm myself down..

adrian says i need to take a pill or something...hahahahaha...

i just can't do things like this. you know one easy way to calm myself down??? if i could just dig my nails into my arms...all up and down...on my stomach...my legs...everywhere...if i could just be alone...cry..and just get my anger out.

i hate the nights...i have to get up at 7 for my class tomorrow...that's like in 5 hrs. yah, it's 2 in the morning. i feel so frustrated. i could so go running or something now...if there wasn't a curfew.

why did i agree to meet them. i hate ppl. i can't seem to type enough to get it all out. i feel like i'm on this emotional roller coaster again..i was fine hours ago...i was tired too, i probably could have fell right asleep..now i'll never get to sleep...

i need something to calm me down though..and i really feel like hurting myself...why??? i just don't understand..gosh, and that makes me soo mad..and hate myself even more. i wish i could just cry now and get something out...i didn't seem to have a problem with that last week...why can't i now!?!