wow, it surprised me that my blog actually came up this time...it's the only thing working, i can't even get my mail to work now, but i'm going to the library hopefully tomorrow. i can't live like this without the net, i'm an addict....although i can't talk to ppl at the library but i can check my mail and read other blogs...things like that. um my dad's supposed to take this to get it fixed, but he hasn't gotten around to it...that'll be awhile...

so alot's been happening and i really wished i could have blogged yesterday when i was feeling really bad but i dealt with things other ways...thao never did come over yesterday cause she couldn't get her mom to bring her over here so that was disappointing and then i remembered that morgan said to call her when my family went to holiday world and she'd come over and keep me company soooo i did. and she came over with adrian and britney and arika cause they had spent the day together swimming and then eating dinner...and that was really fun. but after they left, i don't know...mood swings for me i guess. i was happy then i was sad. story of my life. although this got bad. no one was around so while i flopped on my bed and cried and cried and cried....and i allowed myself not the quiet silent crying but the loud crying and screaming and i turned on my musik and tried singing too...which by the way when i was crying really bad like that, it was awful i know. geeze, then all that crying gave me a headache but i just couldn't stop. i don't know, it's bad and i wanted to but then i didn't...for some reason i just wanted to keep dwelling in my own self-pity...it's sick...it's twisted...it's me...

but today i was babysitting again...that got me away but megan really wanted to see the kids again since she hadn't in awhile so she came over around 6:30 so i got to leave then...which was kinda nice but then when i got home i had nothing to do, since the computer wouldn't work....so me and my mom went over to her friend's house to do something. we ended up renting a movie and it had to be something my mom could watched to so i convinced them to get "The Glass House" cause i love that movie and it's not really scary. i convince my mom, who hates scary movies, that it wasn't scary cause it was in the drama section at the movie place. so we got in and watched it...that was fun. i needed something like that to do...and then...i return home....home to this house actually, not much of a home sometimes, i just wanna get out of here.

oh and more news, yesterday before my emotional breakdown really began, i was going to relieve my stress and stuff by riding my bike, only...i got it out and somehow the chain had fallen off it...and something was bent i don't know. but i couldn't ride the stupid thing and maybe that's another reason i got all mad and hysterical and whatever else you wanna call it...that and the fact that i was missing you know who...i have no one else. well maybe i could call someone else or something but i really didn't want to. so i let myself be alone and stuff.

there's so much more to write and things but...i wanna at least make sure this adds, i hope the internet doesn't mess up...plus it's almost midnight.