so i met the two little boys i'm going to start babysitting for tomorrow...they're so cute. i think one's 5 and the other's 2. and it's gonna be tuesdays and thursdays so far...that will be good for me cause it will give me something to do...plus they just seem like alot of fun and i'll be with them from 2 something til 11:30, of course they'll be in bed by 7:30 so i'll have the night to myself...to do whatever i guess...hmm i should've asked if they had a computer since mine still isn't working right. oh well, and yeah, i'm excited about that cause nothing else in life seems to be working out fine. hehe but that's why i have this...isn't it?

so i went to counseling today since i'm babysitting tomorrow..it was weird going in the evening. she was asking me if i was eating again cause she said it looks like i've been losing weight. and yes, i'm eating....but what's weird is she's not the only one, two of my mom's friends have asked my mom that too...but not only that the other day in front of one of my mom's friends...my mom asked me if i was eating and if i was turning anorexic or going bulemic...then she asked you're not throwing up are you...cause i know i see you eat. i couldn't believe her, nice time to have a chat with me! i've thought up plenty of reasons why..maybe i'm just losing some puberty weight, or maybe it's my girlier clothes i'm wearing...or maybe the depression has caused me either to not eat as much as i used to...or just the fact that i'm so stressed that i'm biking more...but i'm still wearing the same clothes and stuff and i'm not one to be obsessed about weight...i don't need any more problems in my life. things like that bug me though...so i talked to my mom later and she said that i seem fine to her she's just going to keep watching me cause so many ppl seem concerned. grr....if i was getting bigger would ppl ask if i was gaining weight? no they would just ask if i was losing weight if they thought i was getting skinner. but i guess counselor's need to be concerned and think about everything cause anything is possible i guess. anyways other than that it was good. she talked about talking to val sometime but she had to get my mom to sign something saying she could since i'm under 18.

then after that my mom had to go to bunco so i went along since it was over morgan's house. morgan was at work for awhile but we talked when she came home. and like i said before i just am better off one on one and stuff instead of group. yeah, we talked about serious stuff and i was hoping i could talk to her cause with val being gone, i really don't have anyone else to talk to. and that was really good...for me i think and i know it's good for her to know the things i talked to her about.

oh yeah and i've been having lots of fun outside too...well not to much but my sister has a little baby pool..i'm serious it's a small one but she filled it with water so i've been laying in the cold water and then getting out and drying off while reading my book. i'm so glad i can read again...plus spending my days outdoors with a little pool and a book keeps my mind off other things. it's hard to be sad outside when it's sunny...