wow, so much has happened...and yet i still don't feel much like writing on here. so sunday night, i ended up calling val...like i'm supposed to and she told me to do some breathing exercises and stuff like that...it was weird at first cause i hadn't talked to her in so long, but then she was asking about my meds and stuff like that which was good, cause that's what i was blogging about before i called her...hmm..and i ended up feeling better afterwards and going to bed early around 11:30...that was nice cause i forgot i had school registration the next day and my mom woke me up at 9...now if i had stayed up really late, i would have been in such a bad mood..but i felt rested.

and then...i had to go to that dreaded high school...superchick hit it dead on when they made the song about it and at the end...they said "stupid high school"...haha so right...anyways i got my schedule those things are never final though...but if they are i have three classes with kristen this year! i didn't have any classes with her last year...i was supposed to, but the first day of school, my schedule was changed. so we'll see how that goes. if it stays, i'll also be able to eat lunch with her too...

and let's see..after that i called val back cause she told me to..she wanted to know how my night went..and how i was doing...then i was fine...great..well, not really great, but close enough.

and then later on i went to counseling...and well, it was time i guess...my counselor explained to me how she had to tell my mom about how i hurt myself...the scratching and the choking..so she did, i stayed in the waiting area...that's all i feel like saying now, i was really angry at first, but i don't know now...my mom hasn't said anything yet, so it's been ok...

wow..ok like 5 ppl were trying to talk to me at once just now, sooo now it's finally calmed down..hehe and maybe i can refocus on here again, but the fact is, i don't know what's wrong, why i don't feel like doing this lately..

sooo after i got home monday, i used my hr. limit at a time on the net while my mom and dad were fighting...then i went upstairs to my room..to do guess what??? cry..yup... i was just so angry..so i called britney. and we talked, longer than i'm supposed to, but really i couldn't just hang up. i was crying the whole time i was on the phone...she just kept asking me all these hard questions...or at least i thought they were hard, anybody else could have probably easily answered them...but i stayed on the phone with her til the stupid phone died...and it hadn't been used all day for long times, it's just a stupid phone, won't last tooo long.

so i felt much calmer after that..but i had a huge headache and stomach..i felt so sick like i was about to throw up. so i laid there..for awhile. and then the phone actually rang..i thought it was dead a few min. ago? it was val, but i had to get the downstairs phone cause it was bout to go dead again..so i talked to her for a few min. she wanted to know how the day went...and then my brother came down and started bugging me..see that's why i stay in my room when i'm on the phone in the first place...cause ppl bug me when i'm down here. but anyways i was just glad she called me...first...

and today started off good...which was good. i actually did my devo in the morning and i thought about what brit and i talked about, so i prayed....not that i could say it was a great experience and i just felt sooo good afterwards...but...it's a start i guess.

then me and my sister went to swim...then i babysat..then we swam again...blah blah, stayed on the internet for 3 hrs. without my mom knowing, went for a bike ride...which btw was really good. i hadn't rode really fast for awhile now, cause it's so hot, so i'd take it slow..but this time...i waited til 9 at night to bike and it was cooler out, so i rode as fast as i could the whole way...my chest was burning, my lungs were burning, my legs were burning...but it felt sooo good...

and well, now i'm on here which i probably should've got off awhile ago cause the past two nights i fell asleep around 11:30 (amazing huh?) but i had started this..so i decided to finish it! oh and i kept my musik off last night...and here it is...~later~

...wow it's midnight already...