it's funny..i've been gone practically the whole weekend..but when i'm home on sunday laying down trying to nap..what do i hear? ahh yes, the all too familiar fighting of the parents...so here's what stupid argument they were having today. my dad says he doesn't love us kids cause we never obey him..my mom says he does, he loves all his kids. my dad kept arguing how he doesn't. my mom tells him he SHOULD..and that if we were in jail, he should still love us..then it turned into my mom's fault for him not being able to love us. cause she did something wrong and such to make us not obey him...or like him for that matter...this just continued til they both got very upset.

so friday i was off school so i went over michelle's to hang out and watch riley and blake while she cleaned. it's so much more fun hanging out over there..i notice a difference. it's like more peaceful or something yet, blake cries and screams and gets in trouble for pinching or hiting..or riley gets upset that he has to go to bed..yet there's still this peaceful atmosphere...idk...it's just nice. and then...yeah, get ready for this, after the boys were in bed i watched joan of arcadia with michelle..no, that wasn't the big news..although we did do that. i *talked* to michelle. really talked..i know. the more and more i do it, the easier and easier it becomes. so i told her about counseling, problems i have with the family, antidepressants..yah, all of it. i feel better now too...things are looking up and i am moving on. and i'm talking, but hey i still can't give up on this blogging stuff just cause i'm being able to communicate with people.

i got home at 1 in the morning. i laugh about that..just cause it's funny. i had to prepare my lesson for work and then i went to bed, waking up around 6:45....then going to work. the kid i tutored that day was a little slower than usual since we all hadn't been there in two weeks.

so then sat. after work i went right over to michelle's again..hung out most of the day with the kids and her. it was fun..better than being at home. most anyplace is better than home. *sigh* so we watched another joan at like 11 at night...stayed up til midnight or so and went to bed in her guest bedroom. the bed was nice and comfy..hehe...i woke up in the morning to blake screaming *wake up* in my ear. yah, so i got to experience the *joys of parenting* as everyone calls it..hehe but i like it. i'm exhausted but still i had a fun weekend...

*****pause*****

ok, so i was just about to head to church and well, someone had hit my car. i park it in the grass out front near the mailbox, not on the road..in the grass...and someone must have ran off the road into it and it smashed the bumper into the mailbox..so i couldn't go. it was like 5 min. before church started so i thought about calling someone to pick me up but my mom headed right for the phone talking about how we need to call the police and file a report or something. so they told her to come pick up a hit and run form to fill out..so my mom said that since we can't do anything about it now, i might as well go to chruch. so i backed the car up..and well the bumper part was bent or something, she was afraid it'd rub against the wheel or something. so i couldn't go. by that time it was 10 after 6. which stinks cause i really wanted to go..i wanted to talk to the girls and tell em about my weekend or something...and here's the sad thing about my car being hit. that's the second time someone's done that. we had an old car just like mine a couple years ago parked there and someone ran off the road, smashed into it, and drove off...yah, but that car was totaled. at least mine wasn't. so i thought..how often is it that the same thing will happen again? not often. well i was wrong. but my parents tell me to park it there cause they hate having to let me out all the time or me having to let them out.

so my dad wasn't home cause he and my mom had got in this fight and he drove off somewhere, so when he got home he was telling my mom about my car. my dad went to get a flashlight to go look at it and i stupidly said to my dad *and yah, you weren't even home so i had to miss church* apparently that wasn't the smartest thing for me to say..but i'm just so mad, cause i didn't go last week, i kinda needed to go this week. so i go inside but seconds lately my parents come in arguing again, my dad was blaming my mom for *my comment* to him. idk. so i just rush to my room, my sister's in there. i lock the door but we could still hear them fighting...and pretty soon there's crashing and lots and lots of screaming. i hear my mom yelling at my dad to give her the flashlight or something...and then i hear my dad saying *you didn't have to tackle me to the floor* and after a few min. my mom screams at him *you know it's over, it's been over for a long time..you feel it too* my mom went and shut herself in her room after that. my sister and i started cleaning our room...mostly going through her junk and stuff and throwing it away..cause she saves everything and i knew it'd give her something to do..her and me. i always clean my room when i'm upset.

so that's my life now..things go up and down still..blah..just when things are really high..bam they are back down again. it's like val said last week..satan's just trying to pull you down again..and believe me it's working. just makes me wish the stupid car thing never happened and i could've just gone to church like i planned. but this weekend was still good...all that time away from home..it was the BEST THING EVER...i only wished it had never ended...