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Home / Profile / Friends Lassitude Mar 6th, 2004 - Subscribe The play last night was good... considering the lack of rehearsals and productivity. There wasn't as much energy flowing through the cast, however, and we weren't as "into it" as beforehand. But one of the male leads finally learned all of his lines, so that's one relief that was much needed. The audience was small, but ardent, and the overall result was good. No complaints from me. On a more personal note, I have come to the realization that I really need to revive mentally. I cannot let these issues impede on my life... I have so much more that I need to focus on. Anyway, my problems have been so narcissistic and self-seeking. I must make things better. I must convalesce my spirits. I must. I need to if I plan on achieving what I aim to get. 0 comments Pestilential Mar 3rd, 2004 - Subscribe Today was a lovely day, perhaps the first hint of springtime... Blue sky, chirping birds, comforting rays of sunlight. But a looming black cloud, once seemingly inessential, loomed in the distance. And, before too long, it rained. Nature provides for the best unintended metaphors. I wish I didn't disgust myself. Is it normal be filled with such internal antagonism, the impending venoms of mood, the apathy toward my own benevolence? I also wish that I wasn't a burden to my parents. I wish they would stop caring so much... for they get hit with the unintentional backlash of my self loathing. I don't want to be their crazy daughter, the messed up progency. The despicable darling, the strange scion. I wish they weren't so obliged to caring for me, because I don't want anyone to hurt but myself. I'd just like to be alone... 0 comments Subitaneous Strife Feb 28th, 2004 - Subscribe I hate being in trouble. See, we got off school yesterday because of this blasted snow/ice, and I spent the day with my neighbors and one of their friends... a guy who I just happen to be enamored with. Later that night, someone brought a bit of alcohol and we all ingurgitated. Since I hadn't had eaten anything that day besides a few strawberries and a graham cracker, I was pretty much done for after a couple sips of vodka. Last night I learned that people respond to alcohol in many different ways. First, there are the giddy drunks, those who get tipsy and happy, totally oblivious to everything going around them. Then, there's the mellow drunks, who relax and become calm and pleasant. I'm one of those mellow drunks. Another type I've witnessed is the violent drunks, intimidating and maniacal, yelling and destructive. I don't like violent drunks at all, so I was glad there were none there last night. Anyhow, we all had to return home before too long, though after enough time for me to *ahem* have some fun with one of the guys. I'm very lucky in the sense that all the theatrical training I've been through helped me a lot last night. My parents didn't suspect a thing. Some of my friends, my best friend in particular, were not so lucky and much more drunk. One guy got caught and his parents informed the rest of our parental units that we had been drinking. Since I wasn't acting smashed when I got home, I'm not in too much trouble. I'll definitely be grounded for a little while, and possibly my computer access will be suspended, but I'm worried... I hope all of my friends are okay. This morning, I'm the slightest bit hungover AND I have a play that was rescheduled for tonight. I should be fine after a few hours of meditation and herbal tea. I know there are consequences, but from my perspective right now, it all seems worth it. I had a lot of fun.  0 comments Admitted Abnegation Feb 26th, 2004 - Subscribe *poof* I edited out my lame attempt at insightful poetry.  0 comments No Euphemism for Annihilation Feb 21st, 2004 - Subscribe In the past month, I have witnessed the cessation of my aunt, my cat, and, now, my great uncle. It's not like it was unexpected... He was diagnosed with a brain tumor more than six months ago. But now he's gone, and I regret that I didn't spend any more time with him while he was around. It's funny, that now he is dead, I have discovered what an incredible person he was. Until I read his obituary this morning, I had no idea he graduated from Johns Hopkins and worked on the Manhattan project. I didn't realize that he was married for 52 years and had three great-grandchildren. What I do remember is the last time I went to see him, maybe five months ago. I spent ten minutes talking to him and his wife before I passed out and was unconscious all through dinner. He was so distraught and worried about me, an otherwise healthy teenaged girl, when he was the one who was 80 years old and with a tumor in his head. But no, he laid me on his couch, and brought me blankets and crackers to nibble on. I just hope that, now, he has some way of realizing my melancholy and will forgive me. On to living matters. The performance is in less than a week, and, although I know my lines and blocking, it seems as though the show, as a whole, will never be ummitigated. I appreciate the dilatory environment, and I've had lots of fun the past few weeks, but now it is starting to catch up with us. The only way we can pull this off is to bust our chops for the next few days. The deep sigh of procrastination mingles with the bold brew of coffee in my mug. 0 comments |