rebelheart
things sure have changed - Subscribe
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i had no idea a person could change so much. i really regret sending that email...but i felt provoked. i just want things over with and resolved. maybe a hug too. and to curl up in a ball and never wake up. well...maybe to wake up to a hug and some comfort. |
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rebelheart
here i stay Feb 9th, 2007 4:37:32 pm - Subscribe
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so im staying in Oklahoma. i found a job at the Santa Fe Cattle Co. down here...as a watiress...i start on monday. i can't believe i did it. i guess everyone is disappointed in me. except for me. i'm proud of myself. i'm proud that i have the balls to do what i'm doing. i don't think there is anything wrong with that. |
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rebelheart
"like where i grew up"????? Feb 6th, 2007 1:04:21 pm - Subscribe
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wow. Oklahoma is sure not what i expected it to be. But i love it! Mostly, yeah, its flat as a fucking pancake, but still...it kinda reminds me a little of central Minnesota...only without all the trees. i'm extremely happy here. Everyone is friendly (with the exception of stupid drivers down here...trust me they are abnormally beyond the normal scale of stupid) I can't wait to call this my new home! |
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rebelheart
YEE HAW! Feb 1st, 2007 12:31:57 am - Subscribe
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i'm going to OKlahoma.... FINALLY hopefully it will work out so lets be nice and cheer for me. |
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rebelheart
the free saturday Jan 27th, 2007 8:11:04 pm - Subscribe
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who loves fall out boy?? i sure do. angry lyrics to such catchy music. its been one of those emotionally exhausting days....fuck...i thought i was totally over those can't wait for the day i can go home and kick back with a beer and bitch about my day with someone who understand emotional bullshit ever had one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed?? did you have a shit day too? tell me about it. i bet i can top yours |
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rebelheart
sweet escape Jan 14th, 2007 4:51:34 pm - Subscribe
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single again the freedom that i haven't had since i graduated high school. HOLY SHIT! im glad it was mutual. on the otherhand.....i'm glad i get to go to OK. looks like maybe Joe and I will finally work out. after fucking years of waiting...lol |
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rebelheart
a girl like me Jan 5th, 2007 5:07:33 pm - Subscribe
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i'm in a funk. i've had a cold for almost 2 weeks and its kicking my ass. not only that, but all of my family and my friends have been telling me the same thing....gee, its not like this is the most depressing time of year...and i still haven't found out if i have financial aid yet. i'm pissed, i'm tired....and i'm frustrated....because someone is telling me one thing and my head and heart are conflicting on it. and. i'm tired. someone sweep me off my feet please. |
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closed at work last night it went well i learned front line well kinda well bart was trying to teach me. then talked with alison and bart about life then went to barts house and cuddled and watched connan ah the simple things in life.. (hahaha and no eddy i dont mean my underwear) my life is going well kisses ariel |
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rebelheart
what the hell Nov 12th, 2006 4:01:05 pm - Subscribe
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i don't understand guys...men in general they say somethings and do another and i just don't understand why they would do something to jeopardize a relationship he's going to thanksgiving with me...i guess i'm nervous about my family because they don't like the situation that i'm in it seems like ben is teeing off to one of his friends i just want a little face time after all week i've been working and so has he is that too much to ask for? I DONT FUCKING THINK SO. |
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tonight was nice i think i got him to actaully get something accomplished and got 20questioned by the twin im tired, et again ariel |
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im always tired lately and my moms been up everytime ive been hoome which is annoying because im tired and she fires off the 20 question game. i went to a funny movie tonight and had shaved ice -ariel |
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rebelheart
the new place Aug 17th, 2006 12:20:05 pm - Subscribe
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i can't believe i'm actually on my own. i mean even though i'm with ben, it feels like its just me. all these things have changed, and i love him more than anything! but it still seems almost surreal that fate has brough us to this point. that i'm actually doing what i want to do for a change. and i shouldn't let little fancies get in the way of the great thing that i have. reading someone's blog today helped me realize that God has blessed me with ben. and none of us are perfect, its just what we do with the things that we are given that make us who we are. |
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...but to wake and find u there" i tend to write in gaps of time never very many in this blog. for once i can say my life is going pretty good. im in love, i think. im getting along with my parents and sister. works ok. my boyfriend just bought a house i think thats a bit exciting i cant wait to actaully spend time in a house instead of a basement apartment. plus the house is like a block away from mine. |
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i went and sat judgement at my grandparents and in front of my aunts i used to love my aunt jane i used to wish to be just like her BUT i dont see anything in her that i want in myself. the one thing that bugs me is how they view my weight and how they told me i better stop eating fast food or ill get fat...or things i shouldnt eat.. i hate that im fine in fact been loseing weight thanks very much. that and the critzing of my job im fucking 19 for heavens sakes my job is fine for now. plus at least im not unemployed like her thats always a good thing. that and critizing all my friends i got from wendys its not fair what the hell does she even know she knows none of them. im sick of being measured up and comeing up short and even my school picks arnt good enough the only good thing that this does is my parents love everything i do for awhile and stick up for me majorly. im going to a movie and dinner with my mommy and sister TA -ariel "And you can trust me not to think And not to sleep around If you dont expect too much from me You might not be let down Cause all I really want is to be with you Feeling like I matter too If I hadnt blown the whole thing years ago I might be here with you" |
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rebelheart
how to save a life Jul 29th, 2006 2:08:01 pm - Subscribe
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ok...things will be tight for a while last night i was so scared. i was scared that i was going to lose the one man that ive really given my whole self to. lots of saving money and working...last night was a wake up call. i don't want to lose him my family understands that now. i get my stubborness from them...but my grandma is going to help me by giving me things for the apartment. and he's coming up tonight...i don't know what i'm going to do...i know he's still mad at me... and i understand that. i've been acting really immature and irresponsible....all the things that my mom has been telling me that i've been acting... i just wish i could go back to being the person that i was in high school that person really had a head on her shoulders. "who do you think you are? hahaha bless your soul...you really think you're in control?" |
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Today is Thursday, July the 27th. Not a big milestone, but a time for me to make some changes.  Lately I've been writing a book titled "I Was". I enjoy writing it a lot, but actually sitting down with half a chapter and being expected (by myself) to finish it is quite a drag. I'll get the hang of it eventually (I'd better, I have about 5 chapters left to pull through). I just want this all to be worth it in the end.  I want to be able to look in the bookstore and see my book on the shelf, just one copy- the rest have sold out. I want people to know me as a writer. But how can I have fame or fortune when I don't put my heart into it?Even my music is changing abruptly over the past few days. When I am trying to write an emotional or sad part, I listen to Duke Ellington to calm me down. When I'm writing a fun, slightly racy part involving the boy and girl, I listen to 96.1, which likes to play "Buttons" and "Promiscuous Girl" very often. Otherwise, the Beatles suit me best. Enough about me, what's been happening in your lives? What are your experiences with writing? 
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2 Comments
Mood: tired but pleased with chapter 12 music to listen to: 96.1 because they play good stuff in the morning |
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i feel dizzy and my chest hurts i need to stop this pattern i started these things need tostop happening tonight was weird and for some reason bothered me a little im so tired last night on the other hand was comfortable cept for arguments im not in i think you are going to become my new anchor i dont know how im gonna get through this summer i couldnt sleep last night so i need to now -ariel |
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i closed at work last night blah and i do it again tonight and im sick of people haveing redicouluse timeing i want to, but your timeing is lacking i want dishies cuz im in a deep music mood iwrote poetry again but im not ready to put it up yet so im putting a song that describes my mmood Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth No you don't know what happened And you never will if You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall Where you've had me for hours Till I'm sure what I want But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way Please keep your hands down And stop raising your voice It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime So just say yes or no Why can't you shoulder the blame Coz both my shoulders are heavy From the weight of us both You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth You've not heard a single word I have said... Oh, my God Please take it easy it can't all be my fault I haven't made half the mistakes That you've listed so far Oh baby let me explain something It's all down to drugs At least I remember taking the and not a lot else It seems I've stepped over lines You've drawn again and again But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride |
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my hair is neon red and im glad im feeling rebeliouse and still a little hurt im trying for u really i am and it all falls apart always i miss the beach and my skin is pealing i think life should not be so hard for everyone cuz it seems like it always is mines all setteled by simples acts and i wish ud tell me nice things again, cuz sometimes u make my world happier and others u make me wanna scream -arrie "stop burning bridges ... DRIVE OFF THEM .. so i can forget about you" |
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rebelheart
hey yall Jun 9th, 2006 12:16:54 pm - Subscribe
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i'm back for the summer!! cool beans right? tell me how much you love me and how much you missed me! |