Show us how blind and unaware of You we are
Date: Jan 17th, 2005 10:36:18 pm - Subscribe
Winamp plays: none
Well, today was suppose to be (kind of) a bad day, since the weather was super ugly and my stomach still ached a lot like it did yesterday. As if that wasn't enough...my mom had another one of those short-tempered, stubborn moments again which made me upset (but i managed to calm myself in the end). Today should've turned out pretty bad, butttt IT DIDN'T. Why? I'll fill you in.
Normally I don't enjoy bio right in the morning that much, but I do when I don't have to do anything. Winnie and Sophia did their presentation today which really impressed me. I mean, there was like 30+ slides to their powerpoint presentation with information that's pretty darn on-topic. That made mine look bad, but I was satisfied since it WAS winnie and sophia. I like it when i'm impressed by something wonderful!
Lit started out really bad, because my stomach hurt (hurted?) to the point where I thought I had to go home, and so did Ms.Leung who went up to me and said I didn't look okay at all and that I really should sign out. It seems miraculous though as if she had some motherly magical power in her, because the way she talked to me then and after class really made me feel all better.
I figured, things would go the way they should and even to my advantage if I learn to fully rely on God. I've changed so much since november (7th, to be exact), and have gone such a long way on my own spiritual journey since. I've learned to commit to church, pray for the ones I love each night, talk to those who are in need, and preach to those who seem to be losing faith in whatever they once believed.
The bad weather and other ugly little things that once bugged me aren't so bad anymore, because I've learned to widen my eyes for the things that are good and beautiful.
What an entry
Date: Jan 13th, 2005 7:48:51 pm - Subscribe
Winamp plays: Third Day - I will hold my head high
I tried to blog yesterday but emoblog wasn't working properly, so my entry got erased somehow.
I was saying how it has been an aweful long week, and how I thought that today was friday when it was only thursday. It seems like I'm dragging myself along the floor waiting for each hour of each day to pass.
Yesternight I went to church, where we started rehearsing some easter music for orchestra. The music sounds like the sequel to the christmas play if you ask me. I was really tired but I got a chance to catch winnie after rehearsel, which was good since she always brings a world of hope and joy each time we chat. She's got a lot more in her than one could ever imagine.
And then after I went home, I didn't want to do my math homework, so I didn't. Math sucks okay? I can almost say I hate that class.
I don't want to go to english tomorrow. I have so much homework. I better go do them now.
couldn\'t resist :P
Date: Jan 10th, 2005 11:53:36 pm - Subscribe
Winamp plays: nothing
camy sent me this
'Savvy?'- Maybe you have a few defiant, smart-mouth
tendencies..but what it comes down to is that
you're a sexy beast.
Which of Captain Jack Sparrow's Quotes are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
indeed i am :9
schedule is soooooooooo tight this week!
Enough snow alrighty!
Date: Jan 8th, 2005 12:59:36 am - Subscribe
Winamp plays: Mercy Me - Spoken For
I wanted to sleep an hour ago...but I couldn't. and so I'm waiting as the clock ticks for time to pass by before I can go to bed and sleep.
So I got bored and I looked some stuff up. There are these DC shoes I want...and they're grey. But I just bought a new pair of shoes and they're grey so I guess I won't be getting those ones. I suddenly have an urge to buy another pair of shoes. I never realized how comfortable these...um...shoes for boarders can feel.
I wanted this shirt for 11 BUCKS at ae, but when i went back, IT WAS GONE. oh silly silly me.
My lower back was in pain for the entire day (and it still is) because I didn't sleep properly yesterday. I don't like the snow much cause it makes me cold and I always have to take so many showers and turn on the heat to keep me warm. Then my smoke alarm (which is getting way too sensitive) goes off. Ya think we'd be cold enough to set ourselves on fire?
Transportation is a pain as well, I pray for those who ride in a vehicle of some sort during this time of the year. I've heard of the stories on the news and they're just heartbreaking ones. Soooo call me if you're in trouble, I'll be there for you sooner than the cops and ambulance! BE SAFE!
I can sleep now! Hopefully at some point in time today I made you smile
Walk by Faith
Date: Jan 4th, 2005 10:46:08 pm - Subscribe
Winamp plays: Third Day - When the Rain Comes
Sometimes, I think I'm really selfish. I think a lot about others, but I'm always in doubt and afraid that I don't think enough. How much is "enough" anyway? I try to be considerate, but a lot of the times I end up having everything my way without having much empathy on others around me.
A lot of the times I succeed in making someone happy and that I can indeed boast about, but I cannot say I don't hurt. Not intentionally, but so naturally often I don't realize until I've done it. People aren't deeply hurt so to speak, but I would hate to imagine myself making anybody feel uncomfortable in anyway, even if it's just that hint of hardheartedness and lack of love. I feel guilty, and I ask God for forgiveness all the time, wondering if that has already become a routine when I pray.
On the other hand, I always try to turn all those frowns I see into smiles, while wondering where my place is in everybody's world. Is it at the top of a mountain, tall and bold? or under a pile of hay where they would go to in desperate need if they really can't find anywhere else?
And then I ask myself, was having the thought of those questions another selfish act? The world revolves around nobody. Again, I feel shameful and I repent.
You know, everybody strives to be the best, and everybody wants to be perfect. I figured after all this, it isn't as important to try and perfect everything as being who I am for the people I love.
Tell you what, in reality it's hard to tell somebody not to live for other people, because the way our bonds connect and commingle is the backbone to how we learn and apply, and ultimately live our lives to their fullest.
Sure, I'm curious to know where I stand sometimes. But I realized that even if I'm not at the peak of their mountains, it doesn't mean they aren't at the peak of mine. Even if I'm not the one who brings them most of their happiness, it doesn't mean I'm incapable of bringing them any. I've learned that maybe I'm not their priority, but that doesn't mean they can't be mine, and it doesn't mean I'm just another option of theirs ready to be scrapped away, either.
I can say I live for the people whom I love, because they're the ones who shape me and complete me, making the journey meaningful and worthwhile. No human can control how the world turns, but if I just learn to let go of things, and let them be the way they are and not exactly the way I want them to be, then maybe I'll learn to be more understanding and I'll even be rewarded with fortunes of greater significance and value.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens "by accident", because everything is really already planned out by God for us before the day we were born. My birthdate, the day I get my first job, the day I get married, the day I die - it's all written on God's calender. Even the problems I encounter, the battles I fiercely fight, and the failures I have to face. But I know that in the long run, I'll gain so much. So much will pour out from my heart, and so much I'll be grateful for.
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