"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle than you."
Yes I am back again for my 3rd time today. It's flame on time, right here...right now.
Let me start with a bit of insight for everyone. I know chronic liars, kleptomaniacs, sadists, masochists, nymphos, bi-polars, depressed ones, worriers, deep thinkers, random speakers, criers, left-wingers, homos, paranoidists, atheists, anarchists, people who speak to themselves, people who contemplate living or dying, malevolent folk, fakers, and just about anything else you can think of. Do you know what I have in common with everyone one of those topics above?
People deem us fucking psychos or crazy. Webster defines crazy as "being out of the ordinary". What sickens me is the fact that we can be labeled into one giant category such as this. The people I know in the above paragraph and I share a commonality. Which seems to be a running game with my life. In general most people that are close to me in life fit into one of the above categories. I have very few people close to me that are "normal".
I got to reflecting on this one thought tonight and I just felt it was necessary to call it out. Most people I know after I meet them, I try to find what the relationship of me meeting them is. I know everyone around me has a story. A story that though the names, places, times and situations are slightly different... sounds much like mine. I came to a conclusion I am a magnet for people who have similar dispositions.
So you ask me why I can't put someone in their place for being a bitch to me, or shove my fist in their face... I simply can not. "Normal" people do not understand it. Its like a dysfunctional circle of commonalities that others do not understand. I relate to anyone in the above categories. Its easy. We both know what its like to be classified. Its like being white and you calling another white person a cracker. Same is true for us. Yea we can call each other crazy, because we are. We know we are... you know how we know we are?
Because "normal" people remind us of that. You are what everyone says you are. You can define yourself in your own mind... but that doesn't change the fact that you are who are by what society thinks of you. If you could go into isolation for years and years, you would be society and you would be normal. Like the quote at the start says. Be kind. The person standing beside you could be fighting something much worse than you.
I know this. Because I know the people standing next to me. You ask why I don't run my mouth off to someone for hurting me? Simple I have some belief of knowing what they are going through, because most people I get into arguements with I know very well. You adapt to find a place to fit in. Yea I know I fit in easily everywhere because I am easy to adapt. I can fit into any little clique you so choose to place me in. But there comes a time when you want to be yourself and not have to worry about covering up the flaws.
Yes I have times where I will say something that makes no sense whatsoever. Everyone gives me that look that screams "You are fucking crazy!" Its not said but you can hear it in your eyes. So most the time I don't really say what I'm thinking. Instead I say something slightly less weird. I go off on a tangent easily. I do not have ADD, I just can't keep my concentration focused some times. Its an annoying concept to grasp, and to explain.
At times being my way is great. Its like a fucking playground where no one else is using the swings, the monkey bars, and the slides. It is a playground all to yourself. You can have almost endless fun... almost. Almost you question? Yes. What about the see-saw? That bitch ain't going to raise up on both sides with just your ass on it. You need someone to share the see-saw with. So what do you do? You go searching. Searching for someone on the same wave-length as you. Someone to play on the see-saw with you.
I have friends that I do that with. People not on the same wave-length can't envision this playground void of sanity. Sure we are a good laugh sometimes, because let's all face it. Some of the stuff we do or say is funny as hell. But then there are the times when our "abnormalities" shine through and we aren't so funny anymore. Instead we become the ones who rain on your parade. I know how this works, the problem is not yours, so you don't want to get caught up in it for fear of what happens if you start listening to us when we really are who we are... and we aren't the little jesters you make us out to be.
I'm not saying everyone is that. My friends who don't play on the playground with me I know are there for me. I love that about them. I know they have my back. Because I have theirs. Most my friends know (even though I joke about not being able to fight) that I'd get my ass beat right beside them when it comes down to it.
Life is fickle though. You can't learn about someone unless you tell them first what you have been through. I used to be real quick to call someone a fucking psycho. Yea I was "That" guy. But its not until you find it out yourself that you have issues that you see how fucked up that was. It's like this, I am medication for anxiety/depression. The depression can come off and on, the anxiety attacks are a cause and effect for the depression. If I get depressed I can trigger an anxiety attack. And if I have an anxiety attack, I can cause depression. Its a cycle of endless proportion that I am going to battle.
The difference is I have been very open about all of it. When you first find out, you feel isolated. Like holy shit christ, I must be the only person who has this! I must be like a pioneer into the land of loneliness! No one else knows what it is like! So untrue. The more open you are about your issues... the more people start to open up to you about theirs. I am no martyr, no saint, no self-proclaimed prophet... but I know its best to be straight forward to people. You would be amazed, how easily it can change someones outlook.
My advice to those who are not in the above categories, or know people in those categories... you should not take sanity for granted. Sanity is like a gift you were given for free. You didn't have to earn it, you just have to work to keep it. When you lose it, you can try to have it back, but its best just to coincide within the reach of sanity and craziness right on the fence. It makes you more 3D. This is not some "feel bad about the non-normal people" speech. This is just me venting as usual. I had just recently learned why a person I have known for so long is on the same page as me... and it caught me off-guard. I do not reveal any names because thats their decision to be open about their past.
Knowing the past of this person has changed my view on them. People find various ways to cope with the issues they have. Eventually we do one of a few things. We either lie about it, hide from it, denounce it, cry about it, lose our self in it, or... we find ourselves in it, face it head on, or pretend it doesnt exist. I made my choice a few days ago. I'm going to take the more positive routes on it. I plan to find myself and face it head on. I'm not going to say its not real or hide anymore. If you read the blog of the 20 points of Justin... thats what I'm getting at. I found myself somewhere inside the emptiness of my problem.
I know what I want to be. And I have a good plan as to how to achieve it. So now its time to draw swords and start playing the war cry. I have studied the enemy and I know its every aspect for the most part. I know how depression and anxiety work now. I know the depression can come back and I know the anxiety attacks may never go away. Its happened before. Believe me I have battle the war on depression many a times. I came out on top, but everytime I did I got weaker from it and it goes easier for it to happen. But from now on its not going to drain me.
Instead I plan to make the depression not be so rough, and make it not last as long. The anxiety attacks...yea I can reduce them easily. Thats by stopping what I usually do. Letting things build up on me. If I let things build and build, I'll worry my pretty little head off and bam instant depression. I can make that stop. It's called standing up for myself. And thats my plan. But like I said, theres just some people I can not stand up to the way everyone envisions standing up. Everyone thinks standing up to someone means getting into an arguement with them or beating their fucking brains in.
No standing up is defined by the person in general. We all have methods for standing up. I stand up to myself. Because I know I am better than what others believe standing up is. Calling a person a bitch, punching someone in the face... means nothing to me. Someone could whip my ass black and blue and they may have "stood up" for themselves, but maybe I stood up for what I believed in which merited that? What then? I am not weak because I think I don't have to fight to stress a point. I am not crazy for accepting an ass beating without stopping it.
Hell who knows. Call me crazy I guess. But just do me a favor, before you start downing someone because of a flaw that is easily able to be seen in someone's personality. Check yours at the door first. I bet you 9 out of 10 times you will find that you share some "crazy" commonality with them. My advice is don't be normal. I'm actually happier knowing I'm not normal because I started seeing everything for what it truly is. Believe it or not theres more of us "crazy" people than there of you 
Anyways I'm out for the time being. No more blogging today lol. I'm sure you have had enough of my ass for a while. Thank you for your time. AND..... here comes the disclaimer (Drum roll please!).
I apologize to no one. If you are offended then it hit home. If it hit home I made my point. And if my point is made then I am successful in my attempts.
Peace Up.
Juice
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