revelation's Blog

Rage of the Radical Dreamer: Entry 1
Date: Feb 12th, 2007 11:36:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: invincible
A Radical Dreamers journey through despair: and Hell's fire and brimstone will bring justice.

Ok this one isn't going to be nice. Its flame war time. Fuck ammo. I'm bringing weapons of mass destruction. The war on Iraq should be the war on Justin right now. And I can't remember the last time I was pissed...I mean PISSSSSSSED. At least since the dark times. I don't recall how awesome an adrenaline rush it is. But its on and I am feeling awesome. Anger has been an aggressive feeling I couldn't grasp while I was in the dump. It's going to be liberating writing this one.

One thing should say it all: FUCK YOU! I really don't know where to begin on this one. I have a cell phone bill that got a little pricey for my taste and I know why. I got a text message bill that got a little pricey. I upped my plan to avoid that in the future. Why? To talk to you. You get mad at one little thing I did. Yet I let all the little things you did to me slide. Slide right on up under the bridge. Yea I'm like that. I let little things slide, you apparently don't. You hold grudges.

I do remember someone telling me they don't Mind Fuck people. Haha that brings me a smile. I shoulda called that one on target right then. Because we both know you do. You probably did it worse than anyone I ever knew. "Kidney Stones". I learned a lot about them when you "had one". I know people. They tell me things. They have had them. They speak truth to me. You do not. The night you raked me over the coals. The day I went to atlanta and you fussed at me for drinking energy drinks. I said nothing spiteful to you. Should I have? No. I don't generally say spiteful things or end a friendship over shit like that.

You say I flipped out after not hearing from you for 2 days. You bet. We talked every day for an entire month, and I don't hear something from you in 2 days??? What do you expect me to do? Thats not flipping out dear, thats the human emotion of worry and care. So fuck that. Thats a god damned excuse and a lousy one at that. I apologized... Why? You tell me, wait you cant. Why? Because I did nothing wrong. Ask any other guy in this situation. Someone they care about they will check in on after 2 days.

Yet you called me crazy, psycho, etc. Thats funny shit. I felt bad for a few days, got to wonder the next days after that, cleared my fucking mind on friday, and monday I still have no word. So I know for a fact now you just needed an excuse. You tell me the day I find out your done with your "Kidney Stone" that you have nothing to say to me. Then a few days later you show me a picture of "your" car burning. Wow even better. Shit just builds. And I'm the crazy one.

You do realize you called me crazy because I flipped out over someone I had never met. You do realize that saturday before that we were discussing children names and what not. Wow you are crazier than I my friend. You tell me give it time? Give what time? Me waiting around for you to call? Fuck that. I don't sit around and wait for anyone to call unless I'm waiting for someone to say "We are leaving right now to go to wild wings." Then I know its time for me to leave. Thats the only phone call waiting I do. You talked about joining me (a guy you never met in real life) on my birthday road trip. Yet I'm the crazy one.

You truly are worse off than me. I see this now. The times I talked about us meeting you were always so quick to try to stop me from coming that way. I'm not stupid. I know somethings up when I am getting told you would rather come this way. Thats ridiculous. And your always broke. The jokes don't stop. You went to Key West for a weekend (though you say people bought you everything. Sure I could slightly believe that). Then you tell me the next week that you don't want me to come down because your broke. Suddenly friday night your going to Ft. Lauderdale. And you have this "Massive" panic attack. I guess I wasn't supposed to worry then either.

Then saturday morning you call me and your going shopping in Miami. WOW! This story is just convoluted. Your broke but your going shopping in Miami. This is by far the greatest story ever. Yet you don't Mind fuck people. You are silly. Or wait maybe your Fucking crazy? I think thats it. I worked my ass off to get 2 days off this week to come see you. Boy was that something fucked up I did. Now I can't take the two days back on because my supervisor would get chewed out for that. Not to mention they wouldn't let me request days off after that stunt.

So I'm taking my happy little ass down to Myrtle Beach to have some fun. Meanwhile you can move on and hopefully mind fuck the next person that comes along.

-Wow I am enjoying this way too much-

I made several attempts to right whatever wrong I did. But you didn't accept. I get the hint. Your a person who holds grudges...or is a chronic liar one. I think its both. You taught me one good lesson in all this. Actions are louder than words. Or maybe its don't give people the benefit of the doubt. I felt hurt when you said you had nothing to say to me. Calling me crazy didn't hurt me one bit. I have been called that by many a people. And I damn well might be. But you are FUCKING PSYCHO.

I knew all too well you were too good to be true. You said you were "real" and the "genuine" thing. Yea your real and genuine just like half of the other people I met in this world. I'm kinda glad I didn't call you back when you lived in Georgia. But then again I should have... and I would have known you were crazy a year ago. Thats my fault there. The rest of this is definitely not. The times your phone got "dropped" in water. Thats funny too.

This could go on and on. But I think the rage is subsiding. I have like the adrenaline in my veins to go chop a god damned forest down by myself. It's unreal but I know I could do it. Thanks for the valuable lessons in life about whatever it was you stand for. Obviously its not much. And I'm glad I got this off my chest. I feel much more free now. Like I was free but now I am like wide open to the destination known as recovery. Oh and one more thing. Smoking pot while you have a child. Thats a FUCKING DISGRACE. No matter if they are there or not. Thats just a sick sad thing. I hope you read this and I hope you get so mad you want to kill me. I hope you laugh and say I'm crazy. I hope you delete me from myspace (thats lame but funny to some). I could care less what you do.

But we both know this situation was total bullshit. You mind fucked me, don't deny it. You lied. You are psycho. You said you didn't need that shit in your life. I think you have it wrong dear. It is "I" who don't NEED your SHIT in my life. I got a good laugh when I seen my calls for last month on my cell bill. Cocoa, FL god knows how many times, for how many minutes. Hey theres one thing that wasn't a lie! You do live in Cocoa, FL! Go you! As for everything else... I don't know if that was true or not. I personally don't give a Fuck if it was or not.

Well now... I feel very liberated at this time. Going to find a way to reduce this adrenaline level I just got. Such a good feeling in my body right now. I need some angry music... Maybe some DMX. I got this feeling my faithful readers will enjoy this one. I think they like to see me vent. Especially offer this type of shit. So to you my dear i say this, "FUCK YOU and all you stood for, stand for, will stand for. And everything you said, did, wanted to do, will do, dream of doing. Fuck it all!". Oh and by the way. "Have a good day! And I hope you have a good lie..ergh life, and laugh at this". I am. =).

See ya in the stars...
-=The Radical Dreamer=- or the Mad Hatter. I like that one too.
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